going slow was key. “Don’t call yourself that. As far as everyone else is concerned, I could care less. I want to be with you more than anything.”
Jamie narrowed his eyes. “I thought you said you wanted to be friends. Sounds like you’re looking for a whole lot more.”
“I’m not gonna lie to you, James. I’d like for us to mean what we used to mean to each other. No, scratch that. I’d like for things to be a hell of a lot better than they used to be. But I’ll settle for what you can give me.” He stared down at his plate. “That is, unless you think Ben will care.”
“Why would he?”
Dillon brought his eyes back up to Jamie’s face. “If you were my boyfriend, I wouldn’t want to share you with anybody, even if you were just friends with the other guy.”
Jamie shifted in his seat. “Ben isn’t my boyfriend. He and I are friends, and that’s it. But just so you know, that doesn’t mean I’m ready to pick up where you and I left off.” He paused. “And anyway, what’s Megan gonna say about you spending time with your ex?” His voice turned sarcastic. “Oh, wait. That’s right. Megan doesn’t know about us. Nobody does.”
“Actually, she does. Just like you and Ben, Megan and I are friends. She’s not my girlfriend, and she never has been. And as far as other people knowing goes, I’ve told several people about me, and about us. Namely Brandon and Nathan Nash, and also my brother, Heath.”
To Jamie’s credit, he didn’t call Dillon a liar, but, then again, he didn’t have to. His expression said it all. “Yeah, sure you have. Next you’ll be telling me that you’re getting ready to come out to the whole world.”
Dillon kept his tone steady. “I am.” Jamie started to say something, but Dillon cut him off. “I don’t expect you to believe me, James, but I intend to prove it to you, if you’ll let me.”
Jamie took a bite of his cookie, using the time spent chewing to think. After washing the bite down with a healthy drink of milk, Jamie said, “If you’re serious about coming out, I can’t stop you, but don’t do it on my account.”
Dillon’s heart plummeted. “Is that your way of saying you want me to leave you alone?”
Jamie shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. The thing is,” he leaned forward, “if you’re serious about coming out, it doesn’t matter whether or not the two of us are friends or anything else. Coming out is something you do for yourself.”
“I know that, and no matter what you decide, I’m still gonna do it.” He searched Jamie’s eyes. “That doesn’t mean I’m not hoping the two of us can be together again.”
“Why now? Why, after two years, would you suddenly want me back?”
More truths. “It wasn’t sudden, James. I never stopped wanting to be with you. I just didn’t have the guts to do anything about it. It’s taken me a long time to gather up the courage to be honest about myself and about the feelings I have for you. I know it’s not gonna be easy, but it’s something I have to do, for myself, and someday, I hope, for us.”
“Dillon, I--”
Dillon put his finger against Jamie’s lips. “You don’t have to say anything. I’m not gonna rush you, I swear.” He moved his finger to the corner of Jamie’s mouth where a small glob of chocolate had collected. Using the tip of his index finger, Dillon swept the chocolate away and then brought his finger to his mouth. He saw Jamie shudder and felt a little thrill of satisfaction. But he couldn’t afford to push it any more for today. If he did things right, this would be the first of many afternoons spent with the one he loved.
He stood up. “I’ve got to go. My folks will be back any minute and I’ve got to tell them about that fight with Lewis before Mom hears about it at school.” Jamie started to get up, but Dillon stopped him. “I know my way to the door. See you at school tomorrow.” He was halfway to the hall before he turned around
Jamie narrowed his eyes. “I thought you said you wanted to be friends. Sounds like you’re looking for a whole lot more.”
“I’m not gonna lie to you, James. I’d like for us to mean what we used to mean to each other. No, scratch that. I’d like for things to be a hell of a lot better than they used to be. But I’ll settle for what you can give me.” He stared down at his plate. “That is, unless you think Ben will care.”
“Why would he?”
Dillon brought his eyes back up to Jamie’s face. “If you were my boyfriend, I wouldn’t want to share you with anybody, even if you were just friends with the other guy.”
Jamie shifted in his seat. “Ben isn’t my boyfriend. He and I are friends, and that’s it. But just so you know, that doesn’t mean I’m ready to pick up where you and I left off.” He paused. “And anyway, what’s Megan gonna say about you spending time with your ex?” His voice turned sarcastic. “Oh, wait. That’s right. Megan doesn’t know about us. Nobody does.”
“Actually, she does. Just like you and Ben, Megan and I are friends. She’s not my girlfriend, and she never has been. And as far as other people knowing goes, I’ve told several people about me, and about us. Namely Brandon and Nathan Nash, and also my brother, Heath.”
To Jamie’s credit, he didn’t call Dillon a liar, but, then again, he didn’t have to. His expression said it all. “Yeah, sure you have. Next you’ll be telling me that you’re getting ready to come out to the whole world.”
Dillon kept his tone steady. “I am.” Jamie started to say something, but Dillon cut him off. “I don’t expect you to believe me, James, but I intend to prove it to you, if you’ll let me.”
Jamie took a bite of his cookie, using the time spent chewing to think. After washing the bite down with a healthy drink of milk, Jamie said, “If you’re serious about coming out, I can’t stop you, but don’t do it on my account.”
Dillon’s heart plummeted. “Is that your way of saying you want me to leave you alone?”
Jamie shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. The thing is,” he leaned forward, “if you’re serious about coming out, it doesn’t matter whether or not the two of us are friends or anything else. Coming out is something you do for yourself.”
“I know that, and no matter what you decide, I’m still gonna do it.” He searched Jamie’s eyes. “That doesn’t mean I’m not hoping the two of us can be together again.”
“Why now? Why, after two years, would you suddenly want me back?”
More truths. “It wasn’t sudden, James. I never stopped wanting to be with you. I just didn’t have the guts to do anything about it. It’s taken me a long time to gather up the courage to be honest about myself and about the feelings I have for you. I know it’s not gonna be easy, but it’s something I have to do, for myself, and someday, I hope, for us.”
“Dillon, I--”
Dillon put his finger against Jamie’s lips. “You don’t have to say anything. I’m not gonna rush you, I swear.” He moved his finger to the corner of Jamie’s mouth where a small glob of chocolate had collected. Using the tip of his index finger, Dillon swept the chocolate away and then brought his finger to his mouth. He saw Jamie shudder and felt a little thrill of satisfaction. But he couldn’t afford to push it any more for today. If he did things right, this would be the first of many afternoons spent with the one he loved.
He stood up. “I’ve got to go. My folks will be back any minute and I’ve got to tell them about that fight with Lewis before Mom hears about it at school.” Jamie started to get up, but Dillon stopped him. “I know my way to the door. See you at school tomorrow.” He was halfway to the hall before he turned around
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