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me. I wish that matters were as simple with all foreigners. Now, just tell me off the record: how do you make a living?”
    “I’m a freelance scholar. I do lectures now and then, write articles and reports. Sometimes I also have private support. Never public welfare.”
    “I understand. It’s not easy. I really just wanted to know for myself.”
    Then the official turned to Johanna, who sat there respectfully.
    “I don’t need to hear much from you. You’re a housewife. I can see that. It’s obvious that is enough to do on its own. And as for your intentions? Certainly they are the same as your husband’s.”
    With that we were dismissed and handed back our papers, the visas now having a little stamp upon them. That was the only thing that disturbed me a bit, for once such a symbol is entered it can lead to unforeseen consequences. I dared to share my thoughts aloud, but the official just smiled.
    “That’s just for our interior records. Now your stay in this country is at last officially legal.”
    I looked at the official questioningly, since I didn’t understand. He smiled in response.
    “When you first arrived here, you didn’t inform us, and perhaps didn’t yet know, that you wanted to remain as our guest. At that time, we didn’t worry about it. We allow foreigners to visit, as long as there is no reason not to. Only when someone wants to stay do we look at the matter more closely. In the past few years, a good deal more have stayed. That’s why we asked you here.”
    The official stood up, shook hands with Johanna and me, and led us to the door. Relieved, we headed off, Johanna seeming pleased, more so than I’d ever seen her. Indeed, she had always said that I had nothing to fear in this country and that I just had to be patient, and now I just had to chase away all my fears. I had to agree and felt ashamed. She looked at me seriously.
    “Still so gloomy?”
    “Everything is different, Johanna. We simply don’t know. It’s a good sign, but things can change in unforeseen ways. One should never be too sure. All you can do is try to do the best that you can, but then suddenly things can go wrong. It can all be taken away, even if, for now, something good is said on our behalf. All our success should teach us only that an infinite amount of prejudice lies behind any approval. But onward. I’m pleased and have no right to spoil a good day with my negative thoughts.”
    As we headed home, Johanna often looked at me gratefully. After our trip to the immigration office, my spirits were lifted. I say lifted, but not really better. After suffering doubts that had eaten away at me, I was now feeling somewhat more secure. Things were falling into place; the world around me was becoming more bearable. I listened to the voice inside me, and it said, “Try!”
    Try was indeed what I had often heard, dull fleshly existence sunk in a judicial prison, as within death’s waiting room I was not allowed to do as I wished. Try, even if you don’t want to. “Next, please!” someone called, but was I the next? I looked around me to see if someone wanted to be the next, but no one indicated so, no one having set up an orderly line; instead, all were held together in a reeking lump of fear. Someone with a scraggly beard turned to me: “Don’t they mean you?” No, they didn’t mean me. How could I even step forward, since among the surrounding crowd there was no clear direction in which to go? Even if I were to try to press my way through, it would do no good. Above us rose the long arms of cranes that growled and rumbled as they rose slowly into the air. Sometimes an arm bent down with a sharp rattling as it snatched at the heap of fear and grabbed some bodies up into the air. “Next, please!” That was how many were hauled off, no one knowing where to. So how could I allow myself to be looked for if I couldn’t allow myself to be found and there was nowhere to hide?
    “Adam, where are you? Why are you