Read Online The Vicar of Wakefield by Oliver Goldsmith - Free Book Online

hitting her a thump with the heel of the shoe on that side least
capable of making a defence. It was in this manner that my eldest
daughter was hemmed in, and thumped about, all blowzed, in spirits,
and bawling for fair play, fair play, with a voice that might
deafen a ballad singer, when confusion on confusion, who should
enter the room but our two great acquaintances from town, Lady
Blarney and Miss Carolina Wilelmina Amelia Skeggs! Description
would but beggar, therefore it is unnecessary to describe this new
mortification. Death! To be seen by ladies of such high breeding in
such vulgar attitudes! Nothing better could ensue from such a
vulgar play of Mr Flamborough's proposing. We seemed stuck to the
ground for some time, as if actually petrified with amazement.
    The two ladies had been at our house to see us, and finding us
from home, came after us hither, as they were uneasy to know what
accident could have kept us from church the day before. Olivia
undertook to be our prolocutor, and delivered the whole in a
summary way, only saying, 'We were thrown from our horses.' At
which account the ladies were greatly concerned; but being told the
family received no hurt, they were extremely glad: but being
informed that we were almost killed by the fright, they were vastly
sorry; but hearing that we had a very good night, they were
extremely glad again. Nothing could exceed their complaisance to my
daughters; their professions the last evening were warm, but now
they were ardent. They protested a desire of having a more lasting
acquaintance. Lady Blarney was particularly attached to Olivia;
Miss Carolina Wilelmina Amelia Skeggs (I love to give the whole
name) took a greater fancy to her sister. They supported the
conversation between themselves, while my daughters sate silent,
admiring their exalted breeding. But as every reader, however
beggarly himself, is fond of high-lived dialogues, with anecdotes
of Lords, Ladies, and Knights of the Garter, I must beg leave to
give him the concluding part of the present conversation. 'All that
I know of the matter,' cried Miss Skeggs, 'is this, that it may be
true, or it may not be true: but this I can assure your Ladyship,
that the whole rout was in amaze; his Lordship turned all manner of
colours, my Lady fell into a sound; but Sir Tomkyn, drawing his
sword, swore he was her's to the last drop of his blood.' 'Well,'
replied our Peeress, 'this I can say, that the Dutchess never told
me a syllable of the matter, and I believe her Grace would keep
nothing a secret from me. This you may depend upon as fact, that
the next morning my Lord Duke cried out three times to his valet de
chambre, Jernigan, Jernigan, Jernigan, bring me my garters.'
    But previously I should have mentioned the very impolite
behaviour of Mr Burchell, who, during this discourse, sate with his
face turned to the fire, and at the conclusion of every sentence
would cry out FUDGE! an expression which displeased us all, and in
some measure damped the rising spirit of the conversation.
    'Besides, my dear Skeggs,' continued our Peeress, 'there is
nothing of this in the copy of verses that Dr Burdock made upon the
occasion.'—'FUDGE!'
    'I am surprised at that,' cried Miss Skeggs; 'for he seldom
leaves any thing out, as he writes only for his own amusement. But
can your Ladyship favour me with a sight of them?'—'FUDGE!'
    'My dear creature,' replied our Peeress, 'do you think I carry
such things about me? Though they are very fine to be sure, and I
think myself something of a judge; at least I know what pleases
myself. Indeed I was ever an admirer of all Doctor Burdock's little
pieces; for except what he does, and our dear Countess at
Hanover-Square, there's nothing comes out but the most lowest stuff
in nature; not a bit of high life among them.'—'FUDGE!'
    'Your Ladyship should except,' says t'other, 'your own things in
the Lady's Magazine. I hope you'll say there's nothing low lived
there? But I suppose we are to have no more