Read Online The Ultimate Inferior Beings by Mark Roman - Free Book Online
Authors: Mark Roman
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‘Vorld’
wizout ‘l’ becomes ‘vord’. ‘In ze beginning was ze Vord’, and all zat. It
suddenly all makes sense! Do you see?”
sylX was wondering whether
the behavioural chemist’s explanation was losing something in translation, but
she gave a nod anyway.
“Zat suggests zat God put ze
proof of His existence into our language. Into ze very vords ve speak. Zere
must be millions of clues to His being in ze very vords I am speaking to you
now.” He paused to allow this observation to sink in.
“Also,” he continued, “Vot is
Hell vizout ‘l’? It is ‘He’. Pretty spooky stuff, eh?” He grinned insanely and
sylX had to look away.
“But zere is more!”
“Oh?”
“Ya. Explain to me vy ze
early alchemists put all zat effort into turning ze base metals into gold?”
“Because gold is a precious
metal?” suggested sylX. “It is worth more money than the base metals?”
“No, no!” cried the
behavioural chemist, throwing his hands into the air. “It vas because ‘gold’
vizout ‘l’ is ‘God’! See?”
“Hmm,” said sylX for want of
a better answer.
“Zat’s proof zat zey must
have known of zis pun...”
It was at this point that the
whole room shuddered and shook as The Night Ripple ‘touched down’ on the
planet’s surface.
“We’ve landed!” said sylX as
soon as she was able to speak. She checked her body to make sure it was all
still in one piece.
“Earth?” said the carpenter,
suddenly perking up.
“No. It’s an alien planet
with aliens on it,” said the stowaway, getting to her feet. “Coming?”
But twaX just shook his head
in response, his eyes clouding over and his right arm starting to twitch
slightly. He had a strange smile on his face. “Earth,” he muttered to himself.
“No, it’s an alien planet...,”
slyX started, but then gave up. She turned to the behavioural chemist.
“Coming?” she said to him.
“No,” he responded, suddenly
deep in thought. “I just have anozer idea. Vords. Ya, zat is it. Vords...”
“Okay. I shan’t be long,”
said sylX. She turned and left the room.
fluX passed a hand through
his dishevelled white hair and got up, deep in thought. He, too, left the
common room.
twaX remained sitting in his
armchair, his eyes staring blankly ahead of him. “Earth,” he said again. Beads
of perspiration formed on his brow. They had landed on Earth. And that could
mean one thing, and one thing only.
Trees! Billions upon billions
of trees!
*
Back in her cabin, the
beautiful, raven-haired anaX reached for her handbag. Out of it she pulled a
mobile phone. Sternly she dialled a 45-digit Tenalp number.
“Number One?” she spoke into
it. “This is thirteen stroke seventy-three. We’re approaching a planet, in the
Pseudogravitic Continuum.”
She bit her lower lip as she
listened to the receiver.
“Yes,” she responded.
She nodded.
“Right. You mean … I’m to go
ahead with the plan?”
She nodded again. “Okay.”
It was at this point that the
whole room shuddered and shook as The Night Ripple ‘touched down’ on the
planet’s surface.
The gynaecologist picked
herself up off the floor. “We’ve just landed,” she explained into the phone.
“I’d better check out what’s going on and then get on with it.”
She flicked the mobile phone
off and replaced it in her handbag.
Had anyone been watching her
they would have thought her actions very strange, very strange indeed. After
all, how the Dickens had she managed to get a mobile phone signal from a planet
in the Pseudogravitic Continuum?
Chapter 4
As
sylX entered the
main control room, her face radiated excitement.
“The aliens,” she said, her
voice bright and fresh. “Have we had contact yet?”
jixX swivelled in his command
couch to face her. “We have received two messages from them.”
sylX gasped.
“Yes,” said jixX
significantly, although he wondered whether he should be divulging such information
to a stowaway.
*
twaX, his
wizout ‘l’ becomes ‘vord’. ‘In ze beginning was ze Vord’, and all zat. It
suddenly all makes sense! Do you see?”
sylX was wondering whether
the behavioural chemist’s explanation was losing something in translation, but
she gave a nod anyway.
“Zat suggests zat God put ze
proof of His existence into our language. Into ze very vords ve speak. Zere
must be millions of clues to His being in ze very vords I am speaking to you
now.” He paused to allow this observation to sink in.
“Also,” he continued, “Vot is
Hell vizout ‘l’? It is ‘He’. Pretty spooky stuff, eh?” He grinned insanely and
sylX had to look away.
“But zere is more!”
“Oh?”
“Ya. Explain to me vy ze
early alchemists put all zat effort into turning ze base metals into gold?”
“Because gold is a precious
metal?” suggested sylX. “It is worth more money than the base metals?”
“No, no!” cried the
behavioural chemist, throwing his hands into the air. “It vas because ‘gold’
vizout ‘l’ is ‘God’! See?”
“Hmm,” said sylX for want of
a better answer.
“Zat’s proof zat zey must
have known of zis pun...”
It was at this point that the
whole room shuddered and shook as The Night Ripple ‘touched down’ on the
planet’s surface.
“We’ve landed!” said sylX as
soon as she was able to speak. She checked her body to make sure it was all
still in one piece.
“Earth?” said the carpenter,
suddenly perking up.
“No. It’s an alien planet
with aliens on it,” said the stowaway, getting to her feet. “Coming?”
But twaX just shook his head
in response, his eyes clouding over and his right arm starting to twitch
slightly. He had a strange smile on his face. “Earth,” he muttered to himself.
“No, it’s an alien planet...,”
slyX started, but then gave up. She turned to the behavioural chemist.
“Coming?” she said to him.
“No,” he responded, suddenly
deep in thought. “I just have anozer idea. Vords. Ya, zat is it. Vords...”
“Okay. I shan’t be long,”
said sylX. She turned and left the room.
fluX passed a hand through
his dishevelled white hair and got up, deep in thought. He, too, left the
common room.
twaX remained sitting in his
armchair, his eyes staring blankly ahead of him. “Earth,” he said again. Beads
of perspiration formed on his brow. They had landed on Earth. And that could
mean one thing, and one thing only.
Trees! Billions upon billions
of trees!
*
Back in her cabin, the
beautiful, raven-haired anaX reached for her handbag. Out of it she pulled a
mobile phone. Sternly she dialled a 45-digit Tenalp number.
“Number One?” she spoke into
it. “This is thirteen stroke seventy-three. We’re approaching a planet, in the
Pseudogravitic Continuum.”
She bit her lower lip as she
listened to the receiver.
“Yes,” she responded.
She nodded.
“Right. You mean … I’m to go
ahead with the plan?”
She nodded again. “Okay.”
It was at this point that the
whole room shuddered and shook as The Night Ripple ‘touched down’ on the
planet’s surface.
The gynaecologist picked
herself up off the floor. “We’ve just landed,” she explained into the phone.
“I’d better check out what’s going on and then get on with it.”
She flicked the mobile phone
off and replaced it in her handbag.
Had anyone been watching her
they would have thought her actions very strange, very strange indeed. After
all, how the Dickens had she managed to get a mobile phone signal from a planet
in the Pseudogravitic Continuum?
Chapter 4
As
sylX entered the
main control room, her face radiated excitement.
“The aliens,” she said, her
voice bright and fresh. “Have we had contact yet?”
jixX swivelled in his command
couch to face her. “We have received two messages from them.”
sylX gasped.
“Yes,” said jixX
significantly, although he wondered whether he should be divulging such information
to a stowaway.
*
twaX, his
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