Read Online The Tome of Bill (Book 7): The Wicked Dead by Rick Gualtieri - Free Book Online Page B

who turned me into a vampire was named Jeff.”
    “Jeff?”
    “But he insisted everyone call him Night Razor.”
    “Okay, now we’re talking. That’s pretty badass.”
    “You got the ass part right. He was one of the biggest ones I ever knew.”
    “Was?”
    “Up until I killed him,” I replied, embellishing things a bit. It’s not like the one person who could contradict my story was up on the details anymore.
    “You killed him?”
    “Fuck yeah,” I said. “I didn’t tell you my name in the coven ... Dr. Death.”
    * * *
    The laughter that ensued did little to mollify my fragile ego. Thankfully, Dave finally spoke up with something to take the spotlight off me.
    “How about the Defilers?”
    “Huh?” Adam asked.
    “Isn’t that what you fuckers called yourselves in the last campaign?” Dave replied.
    “Oh yeah,” Mike said. “But that adventure ended on a bit of a low note.”
    “Sorry, but when I told you those owlbears were in heat, you really should have fucking listened. Regardless, I thought the name was kind of cool.”
    There were a few murmurs of assent.
    “Fine,” I said with sigh. “We’re the Defilers.” In the back of my mind, a small part of me realized the pain Sally often expressed when dealing with those less cool than herself.
    “Awesome,” Adam replied. “But you gotta lose that gay-ass Dr. Death shit. We just can’t be seen with you otherwise.”
    * * *
    Deep down in my gut, I knew this was a bad idea. I should have left them all back where I found them. Hell, Newark was pretty much full of assholes anyway.
    Any way you looked at things, this did nothing but add complications to the whole affair. Hell, I had no clue how my friends back at the apartment would react.
    “I’m just gonna warn you all, well, most of you anyway, that the women in this building are hands off.” I smirked at Adam, and he casually flipped me the finger.
    “You afraid of the competition?” Mike asked.
    “No, I’m afraid of cleaning up the mess.” I pulled out my key and unlocked the front door. “In addition to me and my roommates, we have another vampire, a witch, and an Icon – any one of which is more than capable of killing you faster than you can say ‘Hey, baby.’”
    “What’s an Icon?”
    “I’ll get to that in a moment. First off, yes, Christy is a real witch and I don’t mean some stupid Wiccan. Think at least a tenth level magic user here ... maybe higher.”
    “Still not a lot of hit points,” Carl commented as we started up the stairs.
    “Maybe not, but that assumes you can survive one of her fireballs, which I assure you, you cannot.”
    “You don’t know our saves.”
    “Oh yeah, I do. Trust me. Then there’s the Icon. She’s the legendary foe of all vampires. Imagine a high level paladin whose favored class enemy is us.”
    “Paladins are so fucking annoying.”
    “Yeah, well, tell that to her and her +5 Holy Avenger.”
    “She has a...”
    I stopped and laughed, cutting off Adam’s question. I’d been joking about magic weapons, but I’d forgotten about Sheila’s sword. Holy shit. We really were living out a real life D&D adventure.
    Sadly, the only resurrection spell I was aware of included being dipped in a glowing orange pool and emerging as a slave to the hordes of rock monsters known as the Jahabich. All things considered, I’d much sooner just gain a negative level.
    * * *
    I gave the guys the vacant apartment in our basement. I wasn’t sure if it was a result of panic from the weirdness of the world, the doings of the witches who had briefly occupied the building during my three-month absence in Vegas, or some combination of the above, but the apartment building where I lived was now empty save for my friends. Nobody had shown up to change locks, collect belongings, or make repairs, for that matter.
    Oh well, when in doubt, possession is nine-tenths of the law.
    I had the guys drop their stuff off before taking them to meet the rest of the