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house, doing the grocery shopping, and looking after the dog allowed her no time for a regular regimen of self-care. She had a difficult decision to make: continue working full-time and feeling fried or cut back her work to only four days a week. This was a logical way to address her ongoing depletion, but at first it made her feel as if she was neglecting her work responsibilities.
    Ultimately, when Sophie asked herself whether her first priority was to a big corporation or to herself and her marriage, the answer was a no-brainer.
    Sophie knew that although her boss might raise an eyebrow at the idea of cutting back her work week, she was a valued employee who could still do her job well. In fact, knowing that she had fewer days in the office helped focus her, and she became more efficient at work. This is a little-known phenomenon among working women. Most people can do their jobs in less time. Think about whether this would work for you, too. Who says that we have to devote five sevenths of our time to someone else?
    If you’re thinking “That’s nice for Sophie but it would never work at
my
company,” think again. Just because you’re the first at your company to ask for such a schedule doesn’t mean the company won’t accommodate you. It’s scary to ask, but it’s well worth it to restore your sanity.
    If your life is arranged in such a way that there’s no time for self-care, and you simply can’t cut back at work, you’re not off the hook with me. It’s time to rearrange. Hire a housecleaner, or askthe babysitter to stay longer. Send your teenager with the new driver’s license out to do the grocery shopping. Remember, until you get your self-care in, you’re not going to be much fun to live with, and you certainly won’t have the energy to surrender.
    D ON’T B EGRUDGE Y OUR H USBAND H IS S ELF-CARE

    â€œWhen nobody around you seems to measure up, it’s time to check your yardstick.”
    â€”BILL LEMLEY
    F aith had trouble with self-care one week when her daughter was home sick from school. She felt trapped in the house by day, and neglected to make plans to get out of the house at night. Her husband stuck to his routine of working out two nights a week, but Faith did absolutely nothing for herself and so she started to resent that her husband had time to
himself
. Fortunately, she realized her own self-neglect was the problem, not her husband’s good habits of exercising regularly. The next night she made plans to meet a friend for dinner, leaving her husband and kids to fend for themselves. Guess what? They ordered pizza and had a great time. Faith came back a new woman with a positive outlook on life.
    Remember not to begrudge your husband taking care of himself. He deserves to enjoy a sense of peace and the desire for intimacy that flows from feeling relaxed and good about himself. As in Faith’s situation, it wasn’t inconsiderate of her husband to work out two nights a week, but it was self-neglect that Faith didn’t dosomething for herself, too. It’s easy to point the finger of blame at somebody who seems to be having more fun than we are when we’re miserable.
    Y OU’RE N OT THE O NLY R ESPONSIBLE A DULT IN THE F AMILY

    â€œSome women work so hard to make good husbands that they never manage to make good wives.”
    â€”ANONYMOUS
    W hen it comes to self-care, never ask for permission to do something. Simply announce what your plans are, as in “I’m going out with some girlfriends tonight.” If you have children, leave it up to your husband to watch them or find other care for them. Don’t say, “Will you watch the kids while I go out?” Just go, and trust him to take care of things or speak up if he needs something.
    Obviously, you wouldn’t want just to announce that you’re going out on a night when you know he has plans because that would be inconsiderate. The