Read Online The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle - Free Book Online

the dignity just to “be” and not necessarily “do.” We might find nourishment in talking with other women, holding a baby or lounging on the deck with a good book and a glass of lemonade.
    Sophie had done nothing but work, clean the house, chauffeur the kids from one activity to the next, and plan for a big party she was throwing on Saturday. At the end of the week, the dog wrestled with a skunk, and Sally just lost it. She came to me with a litany of complaints about her husband, Justin. He didn’t make it to the cleaners when he said he would. His car was filthy. He left the fax machine on instead of the answering machine again.
    Justin and Sophie have been our friends for years, and I know that she is a hard-working and kind woman and Justin is wonderful and adoring with only the usual number of human foibles. I could tell from Sophie’s intolerance for his ordinary shortcomings that she must have been feeling spent, and I reminded her about self-care.
    â€œOh yeah,” she said. “That’s probably the problem. I haven’t done anything nice for myself in so long I can’t remember what it feels like.”
    No wonder Justin was getting on her nerves! Sophie was depleted. The next day at lunch she made it to the beach to read a book, bought a new welcome mat and gave herself a pedicure. For the next few days, she committed ahead of time to do at least three nice things for herself to restore her well-being. She scheduled her morning meetings for 10:00 instead of 9:00 and vowed to go for a walk to clear her head. She gave herself permission to get take-out for dinner so that she wasn’t preoccupied with the planning, cooking, and cleaning of the big meal at night. She also decided to sleep in on Saturday morning instead of getting up early to run errands before her real weekend started. Allowing herself these small comforts each day helped Sophie feel less rushed and more relaxed and that improved her outlook on everything, including Justin, whose imperfections didn’t seem quite as glaring.
    C ARVE O UT T IME FOR F UN AND P LEASURE

    â€œYou yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
    â€”BUDDHA
    S o how do you make sure you’re doing enough self-care? There are two components that you need to be concerned about:
    â€¢ Doing things that are fun.
    â€¢ Doing things that make you feel better after you do them.
    For me, going to a bookstore, watching my favorite TV show and having lunch with a friend constitute good self-care in the fun category. On the other hand, going to the gym always makes me feel healthy, and washing my windows gives me a Martha Stewart high. Cleaning my closets for Goodwill may not be so enjoyable while I’m knee deep in hangers and old, dusty dresses, but clearing clutter from my home tidies my head. I feel extra proud knowing that my old stuff may make another person’s day as she discovers treasures among it.
    Many of us are so busy, we don’t even know what constitutes simple fun anymore, nor do we even recognize the little things we could do that would reward us with a feeling of accomplishment and its resulting self-esteem once they are completed. So, I recommend making one list of ten things that you like doing because they’re fun, and a second list of ten things that you like doing—even if they take a little discipline—because you feel good afterwards. Then, try to do three things each day to ensure thatyour self-care is adequate. Eventually, this will become second nature.
    Sometimes when I suggest that women do three things a day for themselves, they tell me there just isn’t time in their schedule. If you’re feeling the same way, ask yourself if you can let go of something to make room for
you
.
    As Sophie tried to keep up her self-care, she came to the realization that she couldn’t do it all—working full-time, taking care of the