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Authors: J.C. Burke
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ceiling. 'Do you think about it much?'
My back straightened in the chair.
'Do you?'
'Yeah.' I could hardly make my voice work.
'I mean the actual night? Do you think about that night?'
'The whole fucking mess,' I whispered.
'I couldn't remember much for ages, but lately I've been remembering really stupid little things.'
I didn't want to go there. Not with Fin, not with anyone. But there were rules, that I understood. One of the rules was listening to anything Fin wanted to say. It was part of the deal.
'Sounds weird,' continued Fin, 'but mostly I can see Dan's face. The way he looked that night.'
I nodded.
I wondered how much Fin did know. I'd even prayed a couple of times that there was stuff he'd never remember. The doctors told Aunty Kath he'd lost a fair bit of memory and perhaps'd never get it back. Maybe not for Fin, but for the rest of us, it was better that way.
'I got this picture in my head of Dan swaying and yelling. You know that look he gets?' I could tell by his lips curling down at the edges that this was hard for him. How could it not be, Fin lost everything that night. 'That look he gets when he's angry. Really angry. There's something in his eyes that says, "Fuck all of you."' Fin licked his cracked lips and swallowed. 'I can remember walking out of the hall too. I think I was looking for Claire.' His eyes rolled up to the ceiling. They stayed there a while before he looked down and at me. 'Dan had you up against a telegraph pole, didn't he?'
I nodded.
'Yeah,' Fin whispered.
'"You grovelling little prick."'
'Huh?'
'That's what Dan said to me.' My heart felt like it was being squeezed up my throat. '"You grovelling little prick."'
'I don't remember that, Tom.'
'I do.'
Brendan and Aunty Kath walked into the ward, their arms around each other. Even the Cancer Council sunnies that sat huge on Aunty Kath's face couldn't hide her red nose. Brendan went over to Fin while Aunty Kath wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me tight.
'Tom! It's so good to see you.' You'd describe Aunty Kath as solid; she had the wide frame of Gran, whereas Mum had finer bones.
As Aunty Kath took a step back to inspect me, I noticed the muscles in her arms were big, like a bloke's. Her biceps had to be twice the size of mine. It hit me that it was from all the lifting and rolling of Fin.
'You look too skinny,' she scolded me. 'Aren't they feeding you at Coghill?'
I felt my face go red.
'Mum keeps cooking lamb's fry for them,' piped up Brendan.
'Lamb's fry! Hasn't she got over that phase yet?'
'I offered to cook the other night and she looked at me like I was some sort of moron.'
Brendan and Aunty Kath launched into a dissection of Gran's cooking disasters and the lamb's fry farts Pa used to do. I sat down watching them, wondering how they managed to look so relaxed in a place like this. I felt so tense. All I wanted to do was go back to my room, back to the darkness of the cave.
One of the patients was wheeled back in. You could smell the shit. They drew the curtains around his bed and I heard him groan.
'Let's get you sorted, mate,' one of the orderlies said.
'Fuck off,' he started to scream. 'You arseholes. Get the fuck away from me.'
I didn't want to think what they were doing behind there. I looked over at Fin. He was watching me.
'That's my new neighbour,' he said, his face staring into mine. Then he sighed and looked away. 'Come on, Brendan, I think Tom's had enough.'
'No. No.' I found myself frantically shaking my head. 'I'm okay. I might, um, just go to the dunny.'
The toilets were empty. I turned on the tap and put my head under, drenching my face and hair, tasting the water mixed with my sweat and fear.
I banged my head on the mirror, the dull thud bouncing off the walls. It should've been a happy night. It should've been a great party. There was so much to celebrate. Thanks to Fin we thought we'd escaped sudden death. But we were wrong; instead we'd walked into it.
As Snorter steered the
My back straightened in the chair.
'Do you?'
'Yeah.' I could hardly make my voice work.
'I mean the actual night? Do you think about that night?'
'The whole fucking mess,' I whispered.
'I couldn't remember much for ages, but lately I've been remembering really stupid little things.'
I didn't want to go there. Not with Fin, not with anyone. But there were rules, that I understood. One of the rules was listening to anything Fin wanted to say. It was part of the deal.
'Sounds weird,' continued Fin, 'but mostly I can see Dan's face. The way he looked that night.'
I nodded.
I wondered how much Fin did know. I'd even prayed a couple of times that there was stuff he'd never remember. The doctors told Aunty Kath he'd lost a fair bit of memory and perhaps'd never get it back. Maybe not for Fin, but for the rest of us, it was better that way.
'I got this picture in my head of Dan swaying and yelling. You know that look he gets?' I could tell by his lips curling down at the edges that this was hard for him. How could it not be, Fin lost everything that night. 'That look he gets when he's angry. Really angry. There's something in his eyes that says, "Fuck all of you."' Fin licked his cracked lips and swallowed. 'I can remember walking out of the hall too. I think I was looking for Claire.' His eyes rolled up to the ceiling. They stayed there a while before he looked down and at me. 'Dan had you up against a telegraph pole, didn't he?'
I nodded.
'Yeah,' Fin whispered.
'"You grovelling little prick."'
'Huh?'
'That's what Dan said to me.' My heart felt like it was being squeezed up my throat. '"You grovelling little prick."'
'I don't remember that, Tom.'
'I do.'
Brendan and Aunty Kath walked into the ward, their arms around each other. Even the Cancer Council sunnies that sat huge on Aunty Kath's face couldn't hide her red nose. Brendan went over to Fin while Aunty Kath wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me tight.
'Tom! It's so good to see you.' You'd describe Aunty Kath as solid; she had the wide frame of Gran, whereas Mum had finer bones.
As Aunty Kath took a step back to inspect me, I noticed the muscles in her arms were big, like a bloke's. Her biceps had to be twice the size of mine. It hit me that it was from all the lifting and rolling of Fin.
'You look too skinny,' she scolded me. 'Aren't they feeding you at Coghill?'
I felt my face go red.
'Mum keeps cooking lamb's fry for them,' piped up Brendan.
'Lamb's fry! Hasn't she got over that phase yet?'
'I offered to cook the other night and she looked at me like I was some sort of moron.'
Brendan and Aunty Kath launched into a dissection of Gran's cooking disasters and the lamb's fry farts Pa used to do. I sat down watching them, wondering how they managed to look so relaxed in a place like this. I felt so tense. All I wanted to do was go back to my room, back to the darkness of the cave.
One of the patients was wheeled back in. You could smell the shit. They drew the curtains around his bed and I heard him groan.
'Let's get you sorted, mate,' one of the orderlies said.
'Fuck off,' he started to scream. 'You arseholes. Get the fuck away from me.'
I didn't want to think what they were doing behind there. I looked over at Fin. He was watching me.
'That's my new neighbour,' he said, his face staring into mine. Then he sighed and looked away. 'Come on, Brendan, I think Tom's had enough.'
'No. No.' I found myself frantically shaking my head. 'I'm okay. I might, um, just go to the dunny.'
The toilets were empty. I turned on the tap and put my head under, drenching my face and hair, tasting the water mixed with my sweat and fear.
I banged my head on the mirror, the dull thud bouncing off the walls. It should've been a happy night. It should've been a great party. There was so much to celebrate. Thanks to Fin we thought we'd escaped sudden death. But we were wrong; instead we'd walked into it.
As Snorter steered the
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