Read Online The Social Climber's Bible: A Book of Manners, Practical Tips, and Spiritual Advice forthe Upwardly Mobile by Dirk Wittenborn, Jazz Johnson - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Dirk Wittenborn, Jazz Johnson
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prone to suspect that you are interested in them for reasons other than their body.
EMPOWERING THOUGHT #13
A social climber should never seem like a golddigger, especially if he or she is one.
Be meek, coy, modest, claim to be a semivirgin, swear you’ve never taken a shower before with anyone in your life. Even if they don’t believe it, they’ll find it exciting to hear you say it.
What to do when the Big Fish hits on you? Every Mountaineer has to decide for themselves when it’s right to say yes, no, and maybe. First and foremost, social climbers should never allow anyone to put them in a situation where they feel pressured or obligated to have sex. Even if the Big Fish has given you a job, a Ferrari, or a ten-carat diamond, you still have the right to say no. Though perhaps if you’ve been given all three, it might be wise to say, “Maybe someday I’ll feel that way about you, but for right now, let’s just keep on being friends.”
Surprisingly, in general there are far more reasons to say no than yes to sex. If you are less than gorgeous/subhandsome, i.e., the average person, you know that sex
can
be a beautiful thing . . . but often, it is not. Because Big Fish of both sexes possess large egos to hide equally oversized insecurities, if you sleep with a Big Fish, and the sex is bad/awkward/weird or fails to end in liftoff for the Big Fish, who is most likely to be blamed for the disappointment? YOU!
Even if your Big Fish has the honesty to admit that he’s always been a premature ejaculator, or confessed the closest thing she’s ever had to an orgasm occurred in a previous life, chances are they will be so embarrassed by their confession they not only won’t want to try having sex with you again, they won’t want to see you again, i.e., you won’t be invited to their next party.
Now if the sex is great for the Big Fish but leaves you feeling less than satisfied, or as if you’ve just been slimed by a giant slug, you will be in an even worse position. Why? Because now the Big Fish is going to want to have sex with you again, and again, and again. Instead of taking you to those fantastic parties thatenabled you to meet the Big Fish’s even Bigger Fish friends, your Big Fish is going to want to keep you all to him- or herself so he/she can have more sex. Say good-bye to all those glamorous dinners at chic restaurants where you could table hop. You will find yourself trapped in romantic rendezvous in out-of-the-way, dimly lit bistros, or worse, staying in and having takeout and yes, more sex. In short, don’t set yourself up to be a sore loser . . . literally.
Surprising but true, that small minority of readers who are above average in physical appearance or drop-dead gorgeous/Adonis handsome often find themselves in an even more abusive and disadvantaged position. Beautiful women who refuse to have sex with an ardent male Big Fish, who have the self-respect and honesty to say a simple “No, thank you,” are nine times out of ten subsequently told that they are cold, heartless bitches and/or lesbians. Which isn’t so bad if you are a lesbian. Except if that is the case, the rejected Big Fish will then pester you to let him watch while you have sex with one of his girlfriends.
Similarly, when an extremely handsome man declines the sexual overtures of a female Big Fish, he of course is immediately labeled “gay.” Which sometimes might be the case. But even if you are extremely handsome and gay and the Big Fish is gay and you say, “Thanks but no thanks” to having him for dinner, you, like the beautiful woman, will also be called a “bitch.”
The safest and surest way to avoid landing in a sexual position that could either jeopardize or sidetrack social advancement is to put yourself from the get-go in a position where you won’t ever have to say yes, no, or maybe. How do you do that? Simple. The first time the subtext of sex comes up, simply say, “I’d love to, but I just
EMPOWERING THOUGHT #13
A social climber should never seem like a golddigger, especially if he or she is one.
Be meek, coy, modest, claim to be a semivirgin, swear you’ve never taken a shower before with anyone in your life. Even if they don’t believe it, they’ll find it exciting to hear you say it.
What to do when the Big Fish hits on you? Every Mountaineer has to decide for themselves when it’s right to say yes, no, and maybe. First and foremost, social climbers should never allow anyone to put them in a situation where they feel pressured or obligated to have sex. Even if the Big Fish has given you a job, a Ferrari, or a ten-carat diamond, you still have the right to say no. Though perhaps if you’ve been given all three, it might be wise to say, “Maybe someday I’ll feel that way about you, but for right now, let’s just keep on being friends.”
Surprisingly, in general there are far more reasons to say no than yes to sex. If you are less than gorgeous/subhandsome, i.e., the average person, you know that sex
can
be a beautiful thing . . . but often, it is not. Because Big Fish of both sexes possess large egos to hide equally oversized insecurities, if you sleep with a Big Fish, and the sex is bad/awkward/weird or fails to end in liftoff for the Big Fish, who is most likely to be blamed for the disappointment? YOU!
Even if your Big Fish has the honesty to admit that he’s always been a premature ejaculator, or confessed the closest thing she’s ever had to an orgasm occurred in a previous life, chances are they will be so embarrassed by their confession they not only won’t want to try having sex with you again, they won’t want to see you again, i.e., you won’t be invited to their next party.
Now if the sex is great for the Big Fish but leaves you feeling less than satisfied, or as if you’ve just been slimed by a giant slug, you will be in an even worse position. Why? Because now the Big Fish is going to want to have sex with you again, and again, and again. Instead of taking you to those fantastic parties thatenabled you to meet the Big Fish’s even Bigger Fish friends, your Big Fish is going to want to keep you all to him- or herself so he/she can have more sex. Say good-bye to all those glamorous dinners at chic restaurants where you could table hop. You will find yourself trapped in romantic rendezvous in out-of-the-way, dimly lit bistros, or worse, staying in and having takeout and yes, more sex. In short, don’t set yourself up to be a sore loser . . . literally.
Surprising but true, that small minority of readers who are above average in physical appearance or drop-dead gorgeous/Adonis handsome often find themselves in an even more abusive and disadvantaged position. Beautiful women who refuse to have sex with an ardent male Big Fish, who have the self-respect and honesty to say a simple “No, thank you,” are nine times out of ten subsequently told that they are cold, heartless bitches and/or lesbians. Which isn’t so bad if you are a lesbian. Except if that is the case, the rejected Big Fish will then pester you to let him watch while you have sex with one of his girlfriends.
Similarly, when an extremely handsome man declines the sexual overtures of a female Big Fish, he of course is immediately labeled “gay.” Which sometimes might be the case. But even if you are extremely handsome and gay and the Big Fish is gay and you say, “Thanks but no thanks” to having him for dinner, you, like the beautiful woman, will also be called a “bitch.”
The safest and surest way to avoid landing in a sexual position that could either jeopardize or sidetrack social advancement is to put yourself from the get-go in a position where you won’t ever have to say yes, no, or maybe. How do you do that? Simple. The first time the subtext of sex comes up, simply say, “I’d love to, but I just
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