Read Online The Social Climber's Bible: A Book of Manners, Practical Tips, and Spiritual Advice forthe Upwardly Mobile by Dirk Wittenborn, Jazz Johnson - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Dirk Wittenborn, Jazz Johnson
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tell stale stories their wives can no longer bear to hear, much less laugh at.
The ignored wives of somebodies are an all too often overlooked opportunity for social advancement. Caution: If you are a straight man paying undue attention to the ignored wife, you will alienate the Big Fish husband. Even if they haven’t slept in the same bed for years, even if the Big Fish has arranged for hismistress to attend this cocktail party, the Big Fish, being an alpha male, will still be territorial when it comes to straight strangers flattering their missus. But a Big Fish husband is more than happy to see a young woman or gay man chatting up his wife, if for no other reason than it means he won’t have to hear her complain about being ignored all night when they get home.
If you are a gay man or a heterosexual woman, take advantage of any and all opportunities to become new best friends with the long-suffering wife of a powerful man. Invite the wife to lunch, bring her to your gym, take her on a shopping spree in a part of town where she won’t feel entirely safe. Offer to babysit her children for free. Soon, the ignored wife will be inviting you to their house. Because she’s lonely, she’ll make you an honorary member of the family. Xmas presents, free trips, and job opportunities from hubby will follow. The kiddies will start to call you Auntie or Uncle.
Single women or gay men, if so inclined, are then in the perfect position to put a dying marriage out of its misery by running off with the husband and becoming the next spouse of Mr. Big Fish. This is what we call the Bait and Switch technique.
Regardless of whether that technique is for you, by the end of your first cocktail party (if you follow our instructions), you will have made so many new and useful friends that you will very likely be invited to tag along to an impromptu dinner or after-party.
This spur-of-the-moment get-together will undoubtedly be an occasion where more cocktails will be consumed. Because you might very well end up at a nightclub where there will bestill more cocktails, and after getting down with your bad self on the dance floor, you just might be tempted to take a nightcap shot of tequila along with a hit of X, which of course could possibly land you in bed with a person far more socially connected than yourself . . . we urge you to read the following chapter twice before going to your first cocktail party.
SEX AND THE SOCIAL CLIMBER
A t some point in your climb you will be tempted to give your most precious gift, yourself, to a Big Fish for one of three reasons: a) an overwhelming physical attraction (unlikely); b) genuine romantic feelings (also unlikely); c) because you think sex will inspire Mr./Ms./Mrs. Big Fish to be nicer to you and therefore do more to help you move up in the world. Regardless of the nature of your desires, there are certain facts of life that have nothing to do with the birds and the bees that you should know.
Yes, for social climbers of any and all genders and regardless of sexual orientation, having sex with a portal to a brighter future—getting nasty with someone vastly more connected and influential than yourself—can take you to the top of the ladder literally overnight. But there are risks other than STDs for the Mountaineer who chooses that method of climbing.
EMPOWERING THOUGHT #12
Where sexual desires are concerned, especially when love is involved, you are not in control; your desires control you. Since a good social climber is always in control, sex and worse, love, can lead to potentially fatal missteps.
For those considering making use of sex in their climb, always remember this: The wise climber never makes the first sexual overture to a Big Fish. We say that not because we are prudish or old-fashioned, but simply because if they are a Big Fish, and you’re a guppy, particularly if you are a very young and attractive guppy and they are old and scaly, if you hit on them first, they will be
The ignored wives of somebodies are an all too often overlooked opportunity for social advancement. Caution: If you are a straight man paying undue attention to the ignored wife, you will alienate the Big Fish husband. Even if they haven’t slept in the same bed for years, even if the Big Fish has arranged for hismistress to attend this cocktail party, the Big Fish, being an alpha male, will still be territorial when it comes to straight strangers flattering their missus. But a Big Fish husband is more than happy to see a young woman or gay man chatting up his wife, if for no other reason than it means he won’t have to hear her complain about being ignored all night when they get home.
If you are a gay man or a heterosexual woman, take advantage of any and all opportunities to become new best friends with the long-suffering wife of a powerful man. Invite the wife to lunch, bring her to your gym, take her on a shopping spree in a part of town where she won’t feel entirely safe. Offer to babysit her children for free. Soon, the ignored wife will be inviting you to their house. Because she’s lonely, she’ll make you an honorary member of the family. Xmas presents, free trips, and job opportunities from hubby will follow. The kiddies will start to call you Auntie or Uncle.
Single women or gay men, if so inclined, are then in the perfect position to put a dying marriage out of its misery by running off with the husband and becoming the next spouse of Mr. Big Fish. This is what we call the Bait and Switch technique.
Regardless of whether that technique is for you, by the end of your first cocktail party (if you follow our instructions), you will have made so many new and useful friends that you will very likely be invited to tag along to an impromptu dinner or after-party.
This spur-of-the-moment get-together will undoubtedly be an occasion where more cocktails will be consumed. Because you might very well end up at a nightclub where there will bestill more cocktails, and after getting down with your bad self on the dance floor, you just might be tempted to take a nightcap shot of tequila along with a hit of X, which of course could possibly land you in bed with a person far more socially connected than yourself . . . we urge you to read the following chapter twice before going to your first cocktail party.
SEX AND THE SOCIAL CLIMBER
A t some point in your climb you will be tempted to give your most precious gift, yourself, to a Big Fish for one of three reasons: a) an overwhelming physical attraction (unlikely); b) genuine romantic feelings (also unlikely); c) because you think sex will inspire Mr./Ms./Mrs. Big Fish to be nicer to you and therefore do more to help you move up in the world. Regardless of the nature of your desires, there are certain facts of life that have nothing to do with the birds and the bees that you should know.
Yes, for social climbers of any and all genders and regardless of sexual orientation, having sex with a portal to a brighter future—getting nasty with someone vastly more connected and influential than yourself—can take you to the top of the ladder literally overnight. But there are risks other than STDs for the Mountaineer who chooses that method of climbing.
EMPOWERING THOUGHT #12
Where sexual desires are concerned, especially when love is involved, you are not in control; your desires control you. Since a good social climber is always in control, sex and worse, love, can lead to potentially fatal missteps.
For those considering making use of sex in their climb, always remember this: The wise climber never makes the first sexual overture to a Big Fish. We say that not because we are prudish or old-fashioned, but simply because if they are a Big Fish, and you’re a guppy, particularly if you are a very young and attractive guppy and they are old and scaly, if you hit on them first, they will be
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