Read Online The Secret of the Shadow by Debbie Ford - Free Book Online
Authors: Debbie Ford
Tags: Fiction, General, Self-Help, Personal Growth, Self-actualization (Psychology), Spiritual, Self-realization, Shadow (Psychoanalysis), Choice (Psychology)
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out of the shadow of our consciousness and spread out like a giant buffet of inner dialogues to be viewed by the entire group. Everyone could see how protective they felt about their Shadow Boxes, as if exposing their negative chatter constituted some sort of grand betrayal. Most people could see that they held their inner dialogue as unique and special. No one dared admit how similar the messages of their Shadow Boxes were to those of the people sitting around them. Most of us, if not all, had spent a good portion of our lives trying to quiet our Shadow Boxes, and as far as we could tell, all of us had failed. We had tried pacifying them, bargaining with them, and manipulating them. Some had tried suppressing and 58
e x p l o r i n g t h e g r e at a n d m y s t e r i o u s s t o r y o f y o u drugging them—anything to shut them up so that we could finally be free to enjoy our lives, so that we could step outside the never-ending, predictable stories of ourselves.
Chances are you have spent years striving to alter, rework, correct, adjust, and fix your story, unaware that you have any other choice. My goal is to offer you another choice, one that rests on the understanding that you are not your stories—any of them. I want you to see that although you have many stories, many shadow beliefs, and an overly talkative Shadow Box, all of these come bearing great gifts—gifts intended to propel you outside your story and into the greatest expression of yourself. All of them are there for you to learn from and then to use to deliver your unique contribution to the world. I promise you that the life you are striving for lies beyond what you know and far beyond the limitations of your story.
59
T h e S e c r e t o f t h e S h a d o w H e a l i n g A c t i o n S t e p s 1. Write the story of your life in all its dramatic detail. Give special emphasis to what didn’t work out and to what could have, should have, or would have been better. Allow yourself the freedom to be completely candid about your failures, losses, disappointments, and regrets as well as your hopes, desires, and dreams.
Give voice to the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that live inside your story.
2. Read through your personal drama and see if you can begin to distinguish a particular theme. Is there an underlying pattern that has replayed itself over and over throughout the events of your life? Do you frequently wind up feeling left out, abandoned, betrayed, disrespected, unseen, or taken advantage of? What is the distinctive flavor of your “poor me” story?
3. To unconceal the shadow beliefs that drive your personal drama, make a list of the conclusions you have formed from your life’s events and the meanings you have assigned to those events.
Read over the personal story you wrote for the first step listed here, and as you reflect on each significant event of your life, ask yourself, “What did I make that mean about me?” It may help you to look over the list of shadow beliefs presented earlier in this chapter. See if you can distinguish your top three shadow beliefs. This will help you to uncover the theme of your story.
4. Dedicate some pages in your journal to writing down the repetitive internal dialogue that is broadcast from your Shadow Box. Notice without judgment the conversation of your story.
60
Contemplation
=
“The deeper truth
is that I have a story
but I am not my story.”
61
= Chapter 4 <
Why You Hold On
to Your Story
Our fear of change, our fear of stepping into new realities, is so deep that we desperately cling to the world we know. We often mistake familiarity for safety. The perceived comfort we derive from what is familiar keeps us living in the illusion of our stories. But the question we should ponder is, Are we really safe inside our stories? Instead of risking change, we hold on for dear life and resist the uncertainty of the unknown. I once read a story about a woman swimming across a lake with a rock in
e x p l o r i n g t h e g r e at a n d m y s t e r i o u s s t o r y o f y o u drugging them—anything to shut them up so that we could finally be free to enjoy our lives, so that we could step outside the never-ending, predictable stories of ourselves.
Chances are you have spent years striving to alter, rework, correct, adjust, and fix your story, unaware that you have any other choice. My goal is to offer you another choice, one that rests on the understanding that you are not your stories—any of them. I want you to see that although you have many stories, many shadow beliefs, and an overly talkative Shadow Box, all of these come bearing great gifts—gifts intended to propel you outside your story and into the greatest expression of yourself. All of them are there for you to learn from and then to use to deliver your unique contribution to the world. I promise you that the life you are striving for lies beyond what you know and far beyond the limitations of your story.
59
T h e S e c r e t o f t h e S h a d o w H e a l i n g A c t i o n S t e p s 1. Write the story of your life in all its dramatic detail. Give special emphasis to what didn’t work out and to what could have, should have, or would have been better. Allow yourself the freedom to be completely candid about your failures, losses, disappointments, and regrets as well as your hopes, desires, and dreams.
Give voice to the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that live inside your story.
2. Read through your personal drama and see if you can begin to distinguish a particular theme. Is there an underlying pattern that has replayed itself over and over throughout the events of your life? Do you frequently wind up feeling left out, abandoned, betrayed, disrespected, unseen, or taken advantage of? What is the distinctive flavor of your “poor me” story?
3. To unconceal the shadow beliefs that drive your personal drama, make a list of the conclusions you have formed from your life’s events and the meanings you have assigned to those events.
Read over the personal story you wrote for the first step listed here, and as you reflect on each significant event of your life, ask yourself, “What did I make that mean about me?” It may help you to look over the list of shadow beliefs presented earlier in this chapter. See if you can distinguish your top three shadow beliefs. This will help you to uncover the theme of your story.
4. Dedicate some pages in your journal to writing down the repetitive internal dialogue that is broadcast from your Shadow Box. Notice without judgment the conversation of your story.
60
Contemplation
=
“The deeper truth
is that I have a story
but I am not my story.”
61
= Chapter 4 <
Why You Hold On
to Your Story
Our fear of change, our fear of stepping into new realities, is so deep that we desperately cling to the world we know. We often mistake familiarity for safety. The perceived comfort we derive from what is familiar keeps us living in the illusion of our stories. But the question we should ponder is, Are we really safe inside our stories? Instead of risking change, we hold on for dear life and resist the uncertainty of the unknown. I once read a story about a woman swimming across a lake with a rock in
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