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her hand.
    As this woman neared the center of the lake, she started to sink from the weight of the stone. “Drop the rock,” shouted some people who were watching from the shore. But the woman kept swimming, now disappearing for moments at a time under the water.
    “Drop the rock!” the onlookers hollered louder. The woman had reached the middle of the lake and was now sinking as much as 63
    T h e S e c r e t o f t h e S h a d o w she was swimming. Once more the people urged, “Drop the rock!” And as the woman disappeared from sight for the last time, they heard her say, “I can’t. It’s mine.”
    Most of us have spent too much time resisting our dramas rather than looking for the wisdom in each of our unwanted aspects, beliefs, and circumstances. Resistance locks us inside the emotional pain of a situation. It traps us in the reality that we most want to change.
    Resistance comes from wishing or wanting our present circumstances to be different. Even the slightest desire for things to change can create massive amounts of internal resistance. Whether we are resisting our entire story or just a small piece of it, resistance causes us internal imbalance. It acts like glue, attaching us to the very feelings and beliefs we most want to shake free from. Even though it might seem backward, the first thing we need to do in order to heal is to accept all that we have been resisting. For the last seven years, in over fifty different cities, I have repeated these words: What you resist persists. If you take the meaning of this phrase to heart, you will have the power to make permanent, healthy changes in all areas of your life.
    Even though I continually teach people to embrace all that they are, most people insist on hating or disliking some aspect of their lives. It doesn’t matter which part of their lives it shows up in—their bodies, their relationships, their parents, or their finances—resistance and healing do not go together. So if you choose to resist anything in your life—if you hate it, judge it, dislike it—you have guaranteed that the issue will persist.
    Resistance denies us inner tranquillity and the happy ending we so desire. It is the reason we stay the same. Resistance to going beyond and moving through our issues is the cause of our repeti-64
    w h y y o u h o l d o n t o y o u r s t o r y tive behaviors. Resistance to what is sucks our vital energy and blocks the natural flow of our evolution.
    T h e C o s t o f R e s i s t a n c e Our resistance is triggered whenever we make ourselves, others, or the world wrong. The internal belief that sets up our resistance says, “It shouldn’t be like this.” We then spend all our energy trying to change the reality of our circumstances. When I lecture, I love asking people, “How many of you have spent more than one thousand hours of your life trying to change the people around you, the events of your past, or some quality about yourself that you don’t like—whether it’s your fear, your selfishness, your fat, or your bank account?” Everyone, and I mean everyone, raises their hands. Most of us believe that if we resist the unwanted conditions of our lives long enough or hard enough, they will go away. One thing I can promise you with absolute certainty is that resisting what is will never make it go away. It might drive you deeper into denial and deeper into your story, but it won’t change what happened to you when you were three, it won’t help you lose twenty pounds, and it won’t make you like your ex-husband.
    In my studies of karate, my teacher taught me that sometimes the best way out of a compromising situation is to let go. For example, if an attacker grabs my arm, instead of tightening up and pulling away I need to step toward my opponent and relax my arm completely. Pulling away from my attacker triggers a natural response in him to hold on tighter. So in order for me to get away 65
    T h e S e c r e t o f t h e S h a d o w from my