smile, the one Leith liked best, and not the tentative, anxious one that Zach wore too often.
Maybe Zach would come over to the bed and bend close to him. Perhaps he’d put his hand in Leith’s hair, and whisper, “I’m so glad to see you.”
Leith shifted, his body humming with longing and strange satisfaction. Yes, this was right. These thoughts felt good. Natural. He imagined Zach bending even lower, brushing his lips against Leith’s forehead — no! His mouth. He would kiss Leith on the mouth, and his lips would be —
Leith groaned. How would they be? Discovering that he had feelings for Zach, inexplicable and urgent feelings, was incredibly exciting. But it was confusing too. He’d felt strong, exciting things for men sometimes when he was younger--Sweets Swinson being the most compelling of them all--but he’d always dismissed it as hero-worship. The idea that he might be gay should bother him. He’d never been one to deal with change well, and this was a huge change. But for some inexplicable reason he didn’t have any desire to deny it. Why? Maybe he had accepted it before the accident?
He wondered who he could ask.
Had he kept these feelings secret? He must have. Who would he have told? He supposed Zach would have been the best candidate, but since he’d been in love with him surely he wouldn’t have risked their friendship with that kind of admission?
He was desperate to hear from Zach again already. He thumbed in a reply, probably too intense and too soon, and sent it before he could stop himself.
I really miss you.
There was no reply, and he hadn’t really been expecting one. After all, Zach had a bar to run and it was Friday night. But he still held the phone against his chest until he fell asleep. When he woke the next morning with the phone pressed into his side, he smiled blearily at the message time stamped well after midnight but waiting patiently for him.
I really miss you too.
The rain rushed by Dr. Thakur’s office windows. It was dark in the room without the sun shining, and the gloom lent a solemn atmosphere to the usually cheerful room. Dr. Thakur sat at his desk, a big wooden thing that made him seem very small behind it. There were photos of his wife and children scattered around, and loads of books with titles that made Leith’s head swim.
“You’ve been much calmer this week, but also more distant. The OTs all report that you’ve been subdued. Can you tell me about what’s going on with you?”
Leith leaned back in the leather chair, trying to decide what he wanted to tell Dr. Thakur. His whole perspective had altered, and he didn’t know where to start.
“I’m just thinking of the future I guess,” Leith said. “Arthur told me that CUNY was holding my place, and I don’t know if I want to go back. And then there’s boxing. I don’t know how to feel about it. I used to love it, but I don’t know if I should fight again. I don’t know if I want to. This injury was a close call.”
Dr. Thakur looked at his file and closed it. “Speaking of such things, you’ve been cleared for more rigorous exercise. Would you like to start using the gym here tomorrow? I think it would be a good source of stress relief for you.”
“Sure. That sounds good.”
Dr. Thakur sat behind his desk looking as calm and radiant as always. Leith idly wondered if he ate stars for breakfast to glow like that, and then his thoughts turned, as they had all week, back to Zach. He also glowed like he was made of starlight, so pale and bright.
“Zach brought pictures for me to look at the other day.”
“Did you find them of interest?”
“Yes.” Leith looked down at his hands folded in his lap. “His full name is Zachariah. That’s a nice name, don’t you think?”
“It is indeed. Did you know it means ‘Jehovah remembers’?” Dr. Thakur smiled, his white teeth flashing. “Are you aware, Leith, of the various threads of meaning in your name? Given the situation, you mind
Maybe Zach would come over to the bed and bend close to him. Perhaps he’d put his hand in Leith’s hair, and whisper, “I’m so glad to see you.”
Leith shifted, his body humming with longing and strange satisfaction. Yes, this was right. These thoughts felt good. Natural. He imagined Zach bending even lower, brushing his lips against Leith’s forehead — no! His mouth. He would kiss Leith on the mouth, and his lips would be —
Leith groaned. How would they be? Discovering that he had feelings for Zach, inexplicable and urgent feelings, was incredibly exciting. But it was confusing too. He’d felt strong, exciting things for men sometimes when he was younger--Sweets Swinson being the most compelling of them all--but he’d always dismissed it as hero-worship. The idea that he might be gay should bother him. He’d never been one to deal with change well, and this was a huge change. But for some inexplicable reason he didn’t have any desire to deny it. Why? Maybe he had accepted it before the accident?
He wondered who he could ask.
Had he kept these feelings secret? He must have. Who would he have told? He supposed Zach would have been the best candidate, but since he’d been in love with him surely he wouldn’t have risked their friendship with that kind of admission?
He was desperate to hear from Zach again already. He thumbed in a reply, probably too intense and too soon, and sent it before he could stop himself.
I really miss you.
There was no reply, and he hadn’t really been expecting one. After all, Zach had a bar to run and it was Friday night. But he still held the phone against his chest until he fell asleep. When he woke the next morning with the phone pressed into his side, he smiled blearily at the message time stamped well after midnight but waiting patiently for him.
I really miss you too.
The rain rushed by Dr. Thakur’s office windows. It was dark in the room without the sun shining, and the gloom lent a solemn atmosphere to the usually cheerful room. Dr. Thakur sat at his desk, a big wooden thing that made him seem very small behind it. There were photos of his wife and children scattered around, and loads of books with titles that made Leith’s head swim.
“You’ve been much calmer this week, but also more distant. The OTs all report that you’ve been subdued. Can you tell me about what’s going on with you?”
Leith leaned back in the leather chair, trying to decide what he wanted to tell Dr. Thakur. His whole perspective had altered, and he didn’t know where to start.
“I’m just thinking of the future I guess,” Leith said. “Arthur told me that CUNY was holding my place, and I don’t know if I want to go back. And then there’s boxing. I don’t know how to feel about it. I used to love it, but I don’t know if I should fight again. I don’t know if I want to. This injury was a close call.”
Dr. Thakur looked at his file and closed it. “Speaking of such things, you’ve been cleared for more rigorous exercise. Would you like to start using the gym here tomorrow? I think it would be a good source of stress relief for you.”
“Sure. That sounds good.”
Dr. Thakur sat behind his desk looking as calm and radiant as always. Leith idly wondered if he ate stars for breakfast to glow like that, and then his thoughts turned, as they had all week, back to Zach. He also glowed like he was made of starlight, so pale and bright.
“Zach brought pictures for me to look at the other day.”
“Did you find them of interest?”
“Yes.” Leith looked down at his hands folded in his lap. “His full name is Zachariah. That’s a nice name, don’t you think?”
“It is indeed. Did you know it means ‘Jehovah remembers’?” Dr. Thakur smiled, his white teeth flashing. “Are you aware, Leith, of the various threads of meaning in your name? Given the situation, you mind
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