pulled his cell phone from his pocket and texted Zach.
My doctor wants to know why I keep making birds out of clay in art therapy.
Zach’s reply made him smile, and he put the phone away. He stepped into the rain, feeling it seep into his hair, run down his face, and soak his clothes. He felt clean and cheerful. He felt good. He repeated Zach’s message in his head, hearing the text in Zach’s voice.
Has it never crossed his mind that you might simply like birds?
THE SAME DAY
VLOG ENTRY #4
INT. APARTMENT – COUCH – DAY
Zach sits on a sofa in an apartment alone. Behind him is a table strewn with dishes.
ZACH
Hello, my loves! It’s your old friend Zach here. Thank you, my dear friends, for the unbelievably kind and loving comments and emails. It’s in part because of you that I feel so much more optimistic today. Thank you especially to everyone who even offered me places to stay so I could get away from it all. In other circumstances, that would have been just the break that I needed.
I even bought a plane ticket to visit a friend in Italy! I had the ticket printed out and my bag packed, I’d thrown Blue Flight into Arthur’s hands — even though he’s got more than enough on his plate these days too. And then…
He shrugs and sighs, looking up at the ceiling and then back at the camera with a sparkle in his eyes.
Well, then Leith texted me. What can I say? I sat forever right here on this very sofa, just staring at the words he’d sent, and I knew I couldn’t go.
He said he missed me.
He takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly.
You can imagine how it felt to hear that. I owe it to Leith to stay and see him through his mess in whatever capacity I can. And as much as I’d love to jet off to Italy and drown my sorrows in Chianti, it wouldn’t be fair to Arthur — or the staff at the bar. They’ve all been so great about pitching in since the accident. I guess the days have passed when I can pretend to be carefree and without responsibilities.
He smiles sadly.
Carefree. It’s hard to imagine I ever felt that way. So…I guess you’re wondering, aren’t you? How things are with Leith?
He shrugs, pressing his lips together, and looking down.
Things are much the same, but entirely different. He doesn’t remember me. That hasn’t changed. I’m told that it never will. But I remember him , and I love him. I made a big mistake earlier this week, thinking that being with another man could help somehow. It was so tempting to keep running, but then Leith texted. If he misses me , then maybe…
He shakes his head.
No. I can’t let myself go down that road. But just because he doesn’t remember all the promises we made to each other doesn’t mean I shouldn’t keep them. We might not have been married, but we’d promised to take care of each other no matter what, and I’m holding myself to that. I’ll never stop doing things for Leith. No matter what. No matter how this turns out.
Zach sighs, picks up a throw pillow from the couch, and then tosses it aside. He grabs it back and leaves it in his lap, his fingers twisting at the seam.
He thinks I’m his best friend. That was what the doctor and I agreed on when they said I could see him finally. It’s true enough but it leaves out a lot, obviously.
And it’s hard because every time I see him, I want to kiss him and touch him the way I used to, but I can’t. I don’t even mean sex. It’s everything else that I miss so much more. Things like…how soft his hair felt when I mussed it, and the way he smelled, and the rumble of his voice in his chest when I lay with my head on it at night…
Biting his lip, he shakes his head.
I can’t allow myself to think of those things right now. It doesn’t do any good, and it hurts.
He slaps his palms against the pillow.
So I’m moving forward. How will I move forward, you may ask? Well, I’m going to
My doctor wants to know why I keep making birds out of clay in art therapy.
Zach’s reply made him smile, and he put the phone away. He stepped into the rain, feeling it seep into his hair, run down his face, and soak his clothes. He felt clean and cheerful. He felt good. He repeated Zach’s message in his head, hearing the text in Zach’s voice.
Has it never crossed his mind that you might simply like birds?
THE SAME DAY
VLOG ENTRY #4
INT. APARTMENT – COUCH – DAY
Zach sits on a sofa in an apartment alone. Behind him is a table strewn with dishes.
ZACH
Hello, my loves! It’s your old friend Zach here. Thank you, my dear friends, for the unbelievably kind and loving comments and emails. It’s in part because of you that I feel so much more optimistic today. Thank you especially to everyone who even offered me places to stay so I could get away from it all. In other circumstances, that would have been just the break that I needed.
I even bought a plane ticket to visit a friend in Italy! I had the ticket printed out and my bag packed, I’d thrown Blue Flight into Arthur’s hands — even though he’s got more than enough on his plate these days too. And then…
He shrugs and sighs, looking up at the ceiling and then back at the camera with a sparkle in his eyes.
Well, then Leith texted me. What can I say? I sat forever right here on this very sofa, just staring at the words he’d sent, and I knew I couldn’t go.
He said he missed me.
He takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly.
You can imagine how it felt to hear that. I owe it to Leith to stay and see him through his mess in whatever capacity I can. And as much as I’d love to jet off to Italy and drown my sorrows in Chianti, it wouldn’t be fair to Arthur — or the staff at the bar. They’ve all been so great about pitching in since the accident. I guess the days have passed when I can pretend to be carefree and without responsibilities.
He smiles sadly.
Carefree. It’s hard to imagine I ever felt that way. So…I guess you’re wondering, aren’t you? How things are with Leith?
He shrugs, pressing his lips together, and looking down.
Things are much the same, but entirely different. He doesn’t remember me. That hasn’t changed. I’m told that it never will. But I remember him , and I love him. I made a big mistake earlier this week, thinking that being with another man could help somehow. It was so tempting to keep running, but then Leith texted. If he misses me , then maybe…
He shakes his head.
No. I can’t let myself go down that road. But just because he doesn’t remember all the promises we made to each other doesn’t mean I shouldn’t keep them. We might not have been married, but we’d promised to take care of each other no matter what, and I’m holding myself to that. I’ll never stop doing things for Leith. No matter what. No matter how this turns out.
Zach sighs, picks up a throw pillow from the couch, and then tosses it aside. He grabs it back and leaves it in his lap, his fingers twisting at the seam.
He thinks I’m his best friend. That was what the doctor and I agreed on when they said I could see him finally. It’s true enough but it leaves out a lot, obviously.
And it’s hard because every time I see him, I want to kiss him and touch him the way I used to, but I can’t. I don’t even mean sex. It’s everything else that I miss so much more. Things like…how soft his hair felt when I mussed it, and the way he smelled, and the rumble of his voice in his chest when I lay with my head on it at night…
Biting his lip, he shakes his head.
I can’t allow myself to think of those things right now. It doesn’t do any good, and it hurts.
He slaps his palms against the pillow.
So I’m moving forward. How will I move forward, you may ask? Well, I’m going to
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