Read Online The Pursuit of Other Interests: A Novel by Jim Kokoris - Free Book Online
Authors: Jim Kokoris
Tags: Humor, United States, Literary, Humorous, Literature & Fiction, Family Life, Genre Fiction, American, Contemporary Fiction, Literary Fiction, General Humor, Humor & Satire
Ads: Link
braid dangling from it. He reminded Charlie of one of the witch’s guards in The Wizard of Oz.
“O-E-O! O-YEEE-O!” Charlie shouted, and marched up and down. He was very drunk, and Rafael, to his credit, did his best to ignore him.
Charlie laughed insanely, then followed Rafael, who was pulling a baggage cart loaded with boxes, into the elevator.
“What floor, sir?”
“Oh.” Charlie glanced down at the small envelope with his key card. “I don’t know, I can’t read this.” He held it out for Rafael.
“Room 1624.”
“Is that a good room?”
Rafael eagerly nodded. “Yes,” he said. He had a thick Spanish accent.
“They’d be better if they had prostitutes in them,” he said.
“Yes.” Rafael pressed the button and the elevator began to move upward. Charlie stared at Rafael, who stared straight ahead at the door.
“Hey,” Charlie said, “what time is it?”
Rafael glanced at his watch. “It is one o’clock, sir, yes.”
“Jesus, one o’clock. Jesus. I’ve been drinking in the bar downstairs for almost three hours. Just like they do on Mad Men , I guess, the TV show. They’re always drinking and screwing on that show. It’s about advertising. Do you ever watch that? I watch it when I travel sometimes.”
Rafael shook his head, then went back to memorizing the door.
“Drinking for three hours,” Charlie said. “I must be shit-faced.” He shook his head, stared at his shoes, then squinted at Rafael. “Hey,” he said. “I probably should clarify something here. I don’t really want a hooker. I don’t know why I just said that. I’m loaded, that’s why. That’s something they would do on Mad Men. I wish I worked back then. All we do now is drink Starbucks and stare at our BlackBerrys. You know, I’ve never been with a hooker in my life. Ever.”
Rafael said nothing.
“I think you’d have to be crazy to get a hooker nowadays. Disease and everything.”
“Yes. I understand.”
“I can’t understand people who get hookers. I couldn’t enjoy it. I mean, I’ve thought about it, but I never would. I don’t know how that would work. Do you pay them before, after? Do they give you change? I’ve never been unfaithful to my wife. Have you ever been unfaithful to your wife?”
“I’m no married, sir.”
“Really? Not once? Well, good for you. Good for you. I thought everyone was married.”
Charlie studied his own distorted reflection in the doors. He looked short and fat; a misshapen dwarf. “Could you do me a favor?” he asked. “Could you not tell anyone I asked you that? About the prostitute, I mean? I don’t know why I said that. I just got fired, that’s probably why I said that. From my job. Fired.” He waved a hand. “You know, completely.”
“Are you all right, sir?”
Charlie had started to cry. He wiped the tears from his cheeks with the back of his hand.
“I’m okay. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just, you know, it was unexpected and I haven’t told my wife yet or anyone.”
The elevator stopped on the sixteenth floor. He sniffled. “Hey, instead of a hooker, can you send up a humidifier?”
“What. Sir? A hum…”
“Humidifier. Yeah, you know, for the air. Like a vaporizer. I need one to help me breathe. That’s got to be easier to find than a hooker.”
Rafael looked worried. “I don’t know if we have humidors, sir.”
“No humidifier? Jesus. Marriott always has them. Well, how about some toothpaste and a toothbrush? I can’t sleep unless I brush my teeth. I can’t sleep with dirty teeth. I lie awake all night thinking about them, just sitting there, decaying.”
“Yes,” Rafael said.
“Really? Are you the same way? My wife thinks I’m compulsive. She thinks I’m obsessive-compulsive. She thinks I’m a lot of things. She doesn’t like me anymore. Can you believe that? Even though I’ve never been unfaithful. She used to love me, though, before I became, you know”—he waved a hand in front of
“O-E-O! O-YEEE-O!” Charlie shouted, and marched up and down. He was very drunk, and Rafael, to his credit, did his best to ignore him.
Charlie laughed insanely, then followed Rafael, who was pulling a baggage cart loaded with boxes, into the elevator.
“What floor, sir?”
“Oh.” Charlie glanced down at the small envelope with his key card. “I don’t know, I can’t read this.” He held it out for Rafael.
“Room 1624.”
“Is that a good room?”
Rafael eagerly nodded. “Yes,” he said. He had a thick Spanish accent.
“They’d be better if they had prostitutes in them,” he said.
“Yes.” Rafael pressed the button and the elevator began to move upward. Charlie stared at Rafael, who stared straight ahead at the door.
“Hey,” Charlie said, “what time is it?”
Rafael glanced at his watch. “It is one o’clock, sir, yes.”
“Jesus, one o’clock. Jesus. I’ve been drinking in the bar downstairs for almost three hours. Just like they do on Mad Men , I guess, the TV show. They’re always drinking and screwing on that show. It’s about advertising. Do you ever watch that? I watch it when I travel sometimes.”
Rafael shook his head, then went back to memorizing the door.
“Drinking for three hours,” Charlie said. “I must be shit-faced.” He shook his head, stared at his shoes, then squinted at Rafael. “Hey,” he said. “I probably should clarify something here. I don’t really want a hooker. I don’t know why I just said that. I’m loaded, that’s why. That’s something they would do on Mad Men. I wish I worked back then. All we do now is drink Starbucks and stare at our BlackBerrys. You know, I’ve never been with a hooker in my life. Ever.”
Rafael said nothing.
“I think you’d have to be crazy to get a hooker nowadays. Disease and everything.”
“Yes. I understand.”
“I can’t understand people who get hookers. I couldn’t enjoy it. I mean, I’ve thought about it, but I never would. I don’t know how that would work. Do you pay them before, after? Do they give you change? I’ve never been unfaithful to my wife. Have you ever been unfaithful to your wife?”
“I’m no married, sir.”
“Really? Not once? Well, good for you. Good for you. I thought everyone was married.”
Charlie studied his own distorted reflection in the doors. He looked short and fat; a misshapen dwarf. “Could you do me a favor?” he asked. “Could you not tell anyone I asked you that? About the prostitute, I mean? I don’t know why I said that. I just got fired, that’s probably why I said that. From my job. Fired.” He waved a hand. “You know, completely.”
“Are you all right, sir?”
Charlie had started to cry. He wiped the tears from his cheeks with the back of his hand.
“I’m okay. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just, you know, it was unexpected and I haven’t told my wife yet or anyone.”
The elevator stopped on the sixteenth floor. He sniffled. “Hey, instead of a hooker, can you send up a humidifier?”
“What. Sir? A hum…”
“Humidifier. Yeah, you know, for the air. Like a vaporizer. I need one to help me breathe. That’s got to be easier to find than a hooker.”
Rafael looked worried. “I don’t know if we have humidors, sir.”
“No humidifier? Jesus. Marriott always has them. Well, how about some toothpaste and a toothbrush? I can’t sleep unless I brush my teeth. I can’t sleep with dirty teeth. I lie awake all night thinking about them, just sitting there, decaying.”
“Yes,” Rafael said.
“Really? Are you the same way? My wife thinks I’m compulsive. She thinks I’m obsessive-compulsive. She thinks I’m a lot of things. She doesn’t like me anymore. Can you believe that? Even though I’ve never been unfaithful. She used to love me, though, before I became, you know”—he waved a hand in front of
Similar Books
