Read Online The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Pema Chödrön
Tags: Tibetan Buddhism
Ads: Link
may be nearly nonexistent. If we feel poverty-stricken like this, we can remember that what we send is not our personal possession. We are simply opening to the space that is always here and sharing it.
In stage three, we start doing the exchange for a specific person. We breathe in this person’s pain and we send out relief. Traditionally, the instruction is to begin doing tonglen for the ones who spontaneously spark our compassion, such as those we put on our list. As we breathe in we visualize our hearts opening wide to accept the pain. As we breathe out we send that bravery and openness. We don’t cling to it, thinking, “Finally I have a little relief in my life; I want to keep it forever!” Instead, we share it. When we practice like this, breathing in becomes opening and accepting what is unwanted; breathing out becomes letting go and opening even further. Breathing in or breathing out, we are reversing ancient habits of closing to pain and clinging to anything comforting.
Some AIDS hospices encourage patients to do tonglen for others who have AIDS. This connects them in a very real way with everyone in their situation and helps to relieve their shame, fear, and isolation. Hospice workers do tonglen to create an atmosphere of clarity so that the people around them can find their courage and inspiration and be free of fear.
Doing tonglen for another person ventilates our very limited personal reference point, the closed-mindedness that is the source of so much pain. To train in releasing our tight hold on self and to care for others is what connects us with the soft spot of bodhichitta. That’s why we do tonglen. We do the practice whenever there is suffering—either ours or others’. After a while it becomes impossible to know whether we are practicing for our own benefit or for the benefit of others. These distinctions begin to break down.
For example, perhaps we are practicing tonglen because we want to help our ailing mother. But somehow our own reactive emotions—guilt, fear, or pent-up anger—arise and seem to block a genuine exchange. At that point we can shift our focus and start breathing in our conflicted feelings, using our personal pain as a link with other people who feel shut down and afraid. Opening our hearts to stuck emotions has the power to clear the air and also benefit our mother.
Sometimes we might not know what to send on the outbreath. We can send something generic, like spaciousness and relief or loving-kindness, or we can send something specific and concrete, like a bouquet of flowers. For example, a woman who was practicing tonglen for her schizophrenic father had no difficulty breathing in with the wish for him to be free of suffering. But she would get stuck on the outbreath, because she had no idea of what to send him that could help. Finally, she came up with the idea of sending him a good cup of coffee, one of his favorite pleasures. The point is to use whatever works.
The practice is about opening to whatever arises, but it’s important not to be overly ambitious. We aspire to keep our hearts open in the present moment, but we know it won’t always be possible. We can trust that if we just do tonglen as best we presently can, our ability to feel compassion will gradually expand.
When we are practicing tonglen for a specific individual, we always include the fourth stage, which is extending the compassion to everyone in the same predicament. For example, if we are doing tonglen for our sister who has lost her husband, we can breathe in the suffering of other people who are grieving for lost loved ones and send them all relief. If we are practicing for an abused child, we can breathe in and out for all frightened, unprotected children and expand it even further to all beings who are living in terror. If we are doing tonglen with our own pain, we always remember those who have similar anguish and include them as we breathe in and breathe out. In other words, we start with
In stage three, we start doing the exchange for a specific person. We breathe in this person’s pain and we send out relief. Traditionally, the instruction is to begin doing tonglen for the ones who spontaneously spark our compassion, such as those we put on our list. As we breathe in we visualize our hearts opening wide to accept the pain. As we breathe out we send that bravery and openness. We don’t cling to it, thinking, “Finally I have a little relief in my life; I want to keep it forever!” Instead, we share it. When we practice like this, breathing in becomes opening and accepting what is unwanted; breathing out becomes letting go and opening even further. Breathing in or breathing out, we are reversing ancient habits of closing to pain and clinging to anything comforting.
Some AIDS hospices encourage patients to do tonglen for others who have AIDS. This connects them in a very real way with everyone in their situation and helps to relieve their shame, fear, and isolation. Hospice workers do tonglen to create an atmosphere of clarity so that the people around them can find their courage and inspiration and be free of fear.
Doing tonglen for another person ventilates our very limited personal reference point, the closed-mindedness that is the source of so much pain. To train in releasing our tight hold on self and to care for others is what connects us with the soft spot of bodhichitta. That’s why we do tonglen. We do the practice whenever there is suffering—either ours or others’. After a while it becomes impossible to know whether we are practicing for our own benefit or for the benefit of others. These distinctions begin to break down.
For example, perhaps we are practicing tonglen because we want to help our ailing mother. But somehow our own reactive emotions—guilt, fear, or pent-up anger—arise and seem to block a genuine exchange. At that point we can shift our focus and start breathing in our conflicted feelings, using our personal pain as a link with other people who feel shut down and afraid. Opening our hearts to stuck emotions has the power to clear the air and also benefit our mother.
Sometimes we might not know what to send on the outbreath. We can send something generic, like spaciousness and relief or loving-kindness, or we can send something specific and concrete, like a bouquet of flowers. For example, a woman who was practicing tonglen for her schizophrenic father had no difficulty breathing in with the wish for him to be free of suffering. But she would get stuck on the outbreath, because she had no idea of what to send him that could help. Finally, she came up with the idea of sending him a good cup of coffee, one of his favorite pleasures. The point is to use whatever works.
The practice is about opening to whatever arises, but it’s important not to be overly ambitious. We aspire to keep our hearts open in the present moment, but we know it won’t always be possible. We can trust that if we just do tonglen as best we presently can, our ability to feel compassion will gradually expand.
When we are practicing tonglen for a specific individual, we always include the fourth stage, which is extending the compassion to everyone in the same predicament. For example, if we are doing tonglen for our sister who has lost her husband, we can breathe in the suffering of other people who are grieving for lost loved ones and send them all relief. If we are practicing for an abused child, we can breathe in and out for all frightened, unprotected children and expand it even further to all beings who are living in terror. If we are doing tonglen with our own pain, we always remember those who have similar anguish and include them as we breathe in and breathe out. In other words, we start with
Similar Books
