Read Online The Pirates! by Gideon Defoe - Free Book Online Page B

big pile of chops was carried to the table by a couple of the pirate crew. The pirates and the whalers started to eat in awkward silence.
    â€˜So, Ahab,’ said the Pirate Captain, trying to get the conversation going. ‘Any luck finding that whale?’
    Ahab’s stony face seemed to set even harder.
    â€˜No, Pirate Captain. The beast has continued to evade me these past few days. Just last night I thought I’d finally cornered him, but it turned out to be a big bit of kelp.’
    â€˜I’m sure it’s an easy mistake to make,’ said the Pirate Captain sympathetically. ‘It sounds a lot like the time I got into all that confusion with a mermaid.’
    â€˜A mermaid?’ repeated Ahab, actually raising an eyebrow, though the rest of his face remained as impassive as ever.
    â€˜Oh yes. I went out with this charming mermaid for … oooh, how long would you say it was, Number Two?’
    â€˜About three months, Captain,’ said the pirate with a scarf, looking a little pained.
    â€˜Yes, about three months. It took that long for the lads to convince me that it wasn’t really a mermaid at all. It was just a regular fish.’
    â€˜Surely,’ said Ahab, ‘it is an easy enough distinction to make?’
    â€˜You would have thought that,’ agreed the Captain, ‘but what you have to appreciate is that the top half of that fish was just really very attractive. Normally I prefer the top halves of ladies to have arms and hair and all that, but this girl – or marlin, as I later came to realise – really carried it off. And she was a fantastic kisser.’
    Ahab looked unimpressed. The Pirate Captain wondered if he should bring up the time they had sailed through an electrical storm and hehad become magnetised, but somehow he felt Ahab wouldn’t approve of that either.
    â€˜So, tell us all about whales then, Ahab,’ said Jennifer eagerly.
    â€˜They’re disgusting creatures,’ said Ahab. ‘Entirely without redeeming qualities.’
    â€˜But valuable, eh? You must make a packet from hunting them?’
    â€˜No, young lady. They’re worthless. The “vermin of the sea”. That’s what I call them. And the white whale is the worst of the lot.’
    â€˜So why do you bother with them?’
    â€˜I hate them. I hate their small eyes, and I hate their wide mouths,’ said Ahab, getting so annoyed his knuckles began to turn white.
    â€˜I’m a lot like that with mimes,’ said the Captain with a nod. ‘Can’t bear them. All that pretending to get out of invisible boxes. Nonsense.’
    â€˜Whales are worse,’ snarled Ahab. He viciously speared a piece of meat and chewed it with grim determination.
    The other pirates were doing their best to make conversation with the whaler crew, but they were a strange bunch, and most of theirstories placed a lot more emphasis on icebergs and interminable months spent at sea rather than feasts and fighting. Also, just as one of the whalers would actually seem to be getting to the point of an anecdote, they were liable to wander off suddenly on long and rather dull tangents about whale anatomy or things like that. The pirate in red was more than a little relieved when his conversation with a funny-looking whaler with one tooth and a lot of tattoos was interrupted by the booming voice of the Captain.
    â€˜Oho! What’s this?’ said the Pirate Captain, fighting back a grin. ‘I do believe … Oh my! Why if I’m not mistaken … it’s the WHITE WHALE ITSELF!’
    Ahab started out of his chair. Several of the whalers reached for their harpoons. Then through the door to the kitchen came the pirate with a scarf and the pirate with gout, carrying a huge plate on which there sat a great pile of mashed potato. The mashed potato had been moulded roughly into the shape of a whale. It had radishes for eyes. The whalers put downtheir