The Pioneer Woman

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Authors: Ree Drummond
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talking?”
    â€œSure,” I said. “I’m not doing anything.” I crawled onto the comfortable chair in my room and nestled in.
    â€œWell…come outside,” he said. “I’m parked in your driveway.”
    My stomach lurched. He wasn’t joking.
    Â 
    Y OU’RE …you’re what? Where? ” I stood up and glimpsed myself in the mirror. I was a vision, having changed into satin pajamapants, a torn USC sweatshirt, and polka-dotted toe socks, and to top it off, my hair was fastened in a haphazard knot on the top of my head with a no. 2 Ticonderoga pencil. Who wouldn’t want me?
    â€œI’m outside,” he repeated, throwing in a trademark chuckle just to be extra mean. “Get out here.”
    â€œBut…but…,” I stalled, hurriedly sliding the pencil out of my hair and running around the room, stripping off my pathetic house clothes and searching in vain for my favorite faded jeans. “But…but…I’m in my pajamas.”
    Another trademark chuckle. “So?” he asked. “You’d better get out here or I’m comin’ in….”
    â€œOkay, okay…,” I replied. “I’ll be right down.” Panting, I settled for my second-favorite jeans and my favorite sweater of all time, a faded light blue turtleneck I’d worn so much, it was almost part of my anatomy. Brushing my teeth in ten seconds flat, I scurried down the stairs and out the front door.
    Marlboro Man was standing outside his pickup, hands inside his pockets, his back resting against the driver-side door. He grinned, and as I walked toward him, he stood up and walked toward me, too. We met in the middle—in between his vehicle and the front door—and without a moment of hesitation, greeted each other with a long, emotional kiss. There was nothing funny or lighthearted about it. That kiss meant business.
    Our lips separated for a short moment. “I like your sweater,” he said, looking at the light blue cotton rib as if he’d seen it before. I’d hurriedly thrown it on the night we’d met a few months earlier.
    â€œI think I wore this to the J-Bar that night…,” I said. “Do you remember?”
    â€œUmmm, yeah,” he said, pulling me even closer. “I remember.” Maybe the sweater had magical powers. I’d have to be sure to hold on to it.
    We kissed again, and I shivered in the cold night air. Wanting to get me out of the cold, he led me to his pickup and opened the door so wecould both climb in. The pickup was still warm and toasty, like a campfire was burning in the backseat. I looked at him, giggled like a schoolgirl, and asked, “What have you been doing all this time?”
    â€œOh, I was headed home,” he said, fiddling with my fingers. “But then I just turned around; I couldn’t help it.” His hand found my upper back and pulled me closer. The windows were getting foggy. I felt like I was seventeen.
    â€œI’ve got this problem,” he continued, in between kisses.
    â€œYeah?” I asked, playing dumb. My hand rested on his left bicep. My attraction soared to the heavens. He caressed the back of my head, messing up my hair…but I didn’t care; I had other things on my mind.
    â€œI’m crazy about you,” he said.
    By now I was on his lap, right in the front seat of his Diesel Ford F250, making out with him as if I’d just discovered the concept. I had no idea how I’d gotten there—the diesel pickup or his lap. But I was there. And, burying my face in his neck, I quietly repeated his sentiments. “I’m crazy about you, too.”
    I’d been afflicted with acute boy-craziness for over half my life. But what I was feeling for Marlboro Man was indescribably powerful. It was a primal attraction—the almost uncontrollable urge to wrap my arms and legs around him every time I looked into his eyes. The increased

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