Chapter 1
"Rosario Guadalupe Catalina Santiago Dominguez."
"That's your sister's name?"
"Yeah, we just call her 'Zita' for short."
"But how do you get Zita from all that?"
"Come on, Stanley. You never asked me how they get Bert from Alexander Roberto Angel Jesus Dominguez."
"But you're my best friend. I just assumed it didn't matter. Besides, you're not as cute as your sister."
Bert punched Stanley. "That's my sister you're talking about. Besides, she's only in sixth grade and you're in eighth. Don't even think about it. That's just weird."
"Hey, it's not like I want to date her. Ew. Seriously. All I said was..."
"I heard what you said. Come on. We're going to be late for class."
The boys picked up their lunch trays and backpacks. After dumping their trash they headed down to room 475. They had U.S. History together. In fact it's where they'd first met and decided to start having lunch together. Stanley Kodluboy grew up an only child and with two parents far too busy to take him anywhere, he had always been left to his own devices.
It had never really bothered him not having friends growing up, but after he met Bert and the entire extended family, he realized just what he'd been missing out on all those years. All he had to do was ask and he'd be able to spend the night at Bert's house.
"Hey, what are you doing this weekend? I hear there's a football game over at the high school. Want to go?" Bert asked.
"I don't know. Who else is going?"
"I don't know. I just thought it'd be fun to go. My mom can drop us off."
They pulled up short of the classroom. Redhead Rex Ruffington, with his Misfits t-shirt, steel-toed boots, and an angry scowl, stood in their way, and he didn't look like he was going to move.
"Are you girls talking about going to a football game? I thought you just played with dolls."
"Look, Rex, I've told you before they're called action figures, not dolls."
A large finger poked Stanley in the chest. "I've told you before, my brother plays on that team and I don't want the two of you anywhere near that game. You're just a couple of jinxes. Do you hear me? Just go play house or something. Don't make me have to hurt you."
Bert pulled Stanley away. "That's fine with us. We'll find something else to do this weekend."
"You better. I'll be watching you."
The bell clanged and Rex took off for his class. They'd had run-ins with the boy before, but nothing ever came of it. For some reason Bert was scared of him. Stanley just figured Redhead Rex was full of hot air like most bullies. Even if he was the largest eighth grader to come through Ashland Middle School in the past twenty years, that didn't mean he had the right to pick on kids smaller than him.
Bert and Stanley rushed into their class. Mrs. Applebaum's jowls shook as she clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and shook a finger at the boys, glaring at them with her eyes made huge by thick-lensed glasses. She'd been their teacher for six months already, but Stanley just couldn't get used to her face. Or her smell for that matter. No one should smell like butterscotch all the time.
With heads down, both boys mumbled, "Sorry," and took their seats.
"Can anyone tell me where we left off last time?" She shuffled from her desk to the whiteboard, pulling a dry erase marker from the pocket of her brown and yellow-flower-print house dress, and started scrawling something in shaky letters while she mumbled to herself.
"We were discussing the presidents," said William Schneider. Bill, being the smartest kid in the eighth grade, always answered first. His glasses weren't near as thick as the teacher's and they didn't stop him from needing to squint to see the board.
"Very good, Bill. I'd add to your participation points, but I think you're already maxed out for this month. Does anyone else recall which president we left off with?"
Bert's hand shot up. "Washington?"
"Close enough. I'll give you one participation point. Thank you Mr.
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