sudden, unjustified question, especially since Dai had never showed any gentleness toward Sundus. So my response was cautious.
Sundus is a great girl!
And pretty, isn’t she?
Pretty, yes, very pretty!
Only?
I don’t understand what you’re saying.
Wasn’t it true that before—
Dai had not even finished her question before I could tell, from her raised eyebrows, what she was alluding to. I interrupted her, marked disapproval in my voice.
Sundus doesn’t do that.
But we—we do. And she started to guffaw.
Once again, she had caught me, in unevenly applied slapdash cheap makeup, neglecting my red nose, leaving it behind in the dressing room. All of her features bespoke one thing: I found you out! I felt myself shrinking, as she swelled magnificently. She had arrested me in my most contradictory state. She did not even have to strip anything off me. I was already completely naked.
You know I’ll kill you if you’re unfaithful to me?
I laughed sarcastically, trying to leave an impression with her that I was unconcerned about this threatening tone that she was using with me. And you’ll drink my blood, too, I appended to her sentence.
I got up out of bed, wanting to make sure that the door was really shut, since it looked to me that the doorway might bring me breezes I didn’t want from places where the sun did not shine. She grabbed me by the arm. I tried to wiggle out of her grip, and could have if she had not pushed me onto the bed. In a second, she had come down on top of me, in her eyes a look that only the devil could produce.
Did anyone before me have your body? she asked.
I didn’t say anything.
Answer me!
Stop it.
Answer me, first!
Quit acting like a child.
I hate her when she moves me as if I’m a doll or a dummy—a doll that will not be injured or destroyed no matter how sharply you twist her limbs in the air. I turned my face away from her. She grabbed me at my jaws and forced my face back toward her, so I kept my eyes trained in the other direction. Her voice strained, she went on saying
Answer me
but I did not. She clapped her left hand to my neck while her right hand pulled my hair, as all the while she muffled me with sticky kisses that bore down on me painfully. They were closer to bites than to kisses.
I knew that if I kept refusing, her madness would only get worse. My refusals gave her redoubled impetus to conquer me and plant her flag on the virgin territory of which she had stripped me. Despite her evident slenderness and the feminine softness clear in her build, Dai was light years ahead of me in bodily strength, which meant she always had a huge advantage in subduing me when I resisted her.
I withdrew into myself. I gave her the side of me that was completely the contrary of what she wanted and tried to impose. I became as cold beneath her as the ice that preserves corpses in fine physical form. By behaving this way, I was training my sights exactly on target, for I was giving her all the victory flags she could want, to plant wherever she wished, but they were lowly banners that she implanted in ground she had not fought to gain, and thus whose conquering was hardly a victory to be deserved or trumpeted.
She finally released me when she saw no sign that I was softening, when she was convinced that I was frost that her heat could not melt. She sat on the edge of the bed, angry. A heavy silence bore down on the room. Very quickly it became a dreary quiet so thick that neither of us could see the other.
One question rocked the stillness of the room and toyed with our heads. Who would be first this time to let go? I chose to be the one. Be rational, I told myself. Be big. This silence will take the two of you exactly nowhere. I started trying to open a door or at least a window in our barren muteness. Her face was blank, her expression transient, like someone who has just recently figured out some slightly elusive truth. I put my hand on her shoulder and she pushed it off. In
Sundus is a great girl!
And pretty, isn’t she?
Pretty, yes, very pretty!
Only?
I don’t understand what you’re saying.
Wasn’t it true that before—
Dai had not even finished her question before I could tell, from her raised eyebrows, what she was alluding to. I interrupted her, marked disapproval in my voice.
Sundus doesn’t do that.
But we—we do. And she started to guffaw.
Once again, she had caught me, in unevenly applied slapdash cheap makeup, neglecting my red nose, leaving it behind in the dressing room. All of her features bespoke one thing: I found you out! I felt myself shrinking, as she swelled magnificently. She had arrested me in my most contradictory state. She did not even have to strip anything off me. I was already completely naked.
You know I’ll kill you if you’re unfaithful to me?
I laughed sarcastically, trying to leave an impression with her that I was unconcerned about this threatening tone that she was using with me. And you’ll drink my blood, too, I appended to her sentence.
I got up out of bed, wanting to make sure that the door was really shut, since it looked to me that the doorway might bring me breezes I didn’t want from places where the sun did not shine. She grabbed me by the arm. I tried to wiggle out of her grip, and could have if she had not pushed me onto the bed. In a second, she had come down on top of me, in her eyes a look that only the devil could produce.
Did anyone before me have your body? she asked.
I didn’t say anything.
Answer me!
Stop it.
Answer me, first!
Quit acting like a child.
I hate her when she moves me as if I’m a doll or a dummy—a doll that will not be injured or destroyed no matter how sharply you twist her limbs in the air. I turned my face away from her. She grabbed me at my jaws and forced my face back toward her, so I kept my eyes trained in the other direction. Her voice strained, she went on saying
Answer me
but I did not. She clapped her left hand to my neck while her right hand pulled my hair, as all the while she muffled me with sticky kisses that bore down on me painfully. They were closer to bites than to kisses.
I knew that if I kept refusing, her madness would only get worse. My refusals gave her redoubled impetus to conquer me and plant her flag on the virgin territory of which she had stripped me. Despite her evident slenderness and the feminine softness clear in her build, Dai was light years ahead of me in bodily strength, which meant she always had a huge advantage in subduing me when I resisted her.
I withdrew into myself. I gave her the side of me that was completely the contrary of what she wanted and tried to impose. I became as cold beneath her as the ice that preserves corpses in fine physical form. By behaving this way, I was training my sights exactly on target, for I was giving her all the victory flags she could want, to plant wherever she wished, but they were lowly banners that she implanted in ground she had not fought to gain, and thus whose conquering was hardly a victory to be deserved or trumpeted.
She finally released me when she saw no sign that I was softening, when she was convinced that I was frost that her heat could not melt. She sat on the edge of the bed, angry. A heavy silence bore down on the room. Very quickly it became a dreary quiet so thick that neither of us could see the other.
One question rocked the stillness of the room and toyed with our heads. Who would be first this time to let go? I chose to be the one. Be rational, I told myself. Be big. This silence will take the two of you exactly nowhere. I started trying to open a door or at least a window in our barren muteness. Her face was blank, her expression transient, like someone who has just recently figured out some slightly elusive truth. I put my hand on her shoulder and she pushed it off. In
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