Read Online The Nose Knows by Holly L. Lewitas - Free Book Online

willing to let me decide what we’re having for dinner or how to arrange the closets. But when it comes to the children, our finances, or where we’re going on vacation, well believe me, he expects me to go along with whatever he says. Since he’s never going to change, I will just have to leave.”
    “Martha.” Mom’s voice was gentle. “Last week you told me you accepted that you cannot change Stanley. Didn’t you?”
    “Yes, ma’am. I learned that even though I know he should change, I can’t change him. You said that the only behavior I can change is my own.”
    “But do you still think Stanley should change because you want him to?”
    “Absolutely, he should try to change.”
    “Why?”
    “Because, if Stanley really loved me, he’d want me to be happy and he’d do everything he possibly could to change.”
    Mom’s voice became softer. “Martha, consider this. Maybe—just maybe—it has nothing to do with Stanley loving you. Maybe, it has to do with Stanley not knowing how to change. Maybe, he’s not able to change.”
    “Wrong. Anyone can change if he really wants to.”
    “Martha, you’re actually proving my point. You seem to be unable to change your point of view. You think you have only one choice, to leave Stanley. There are other choices—”
    Martha cut her off, yelling, “That’s because there’s only one way. I have to leave Stanley!” She pounded her fist on the table.
    Mom rubbed her temples and ran her fingers through her hair.
    “Martha, please take a deep breath and just listen for a moment. You’re stuck in distorted thinking. You want your life to change. Since you cannot change Stanley, you think you must get Stanley out of your life. Right now, that’s the only way you can envision your life changing—to not have Stanley in it. Now, without Stanley, your life will certainly be different. But you’ve made an assumption here that could have serious consequences. You have assumed your life would be better without Stanley. You think since you were fearless before Stanley, you can again be fearless without Stanley. In truth, your life might just be a whole lot harder without him. Consider this; you could learn to be fearless with Stanley.”
    “I seriously doubt that, Doc. He’d never let me.”
    Martha Bittner needed to see beyond her own thinking. Mom didn’t need our help for this one. Whether or not Martha was able to take the next step was entirely up to Martha.
    “Martha, how long have you been seeing me?”
    “Oh, about three months ”
    “And do you trust I’ll tell you the truth?”
    “Sure, you have so far.”
    “Martha, you’ve worked very hard at accepting that you cannot change Stanley, correct?”
    “Correct.”
    Mom took a deep breath. She spoke slowly putting emphasis on each word. “Martha, if you accept you can’t change Stanley—then why do you think Stanley changed you? ”
    Martha opened her mouth but said nothing. Her brow furrowed. Her eyes squinted and her nose wrinkled as she pondered the question. Her breathing was revving up. Mom offered her some help.
    “Martha, just take a deep breath and listen. If you can’t change Stanley, then you must accept that Stanley didn’t change you. I now ask you— who was responsible for the changes that happened in you?”
    Martha’s sigh was so long, it sounded as if she’d completely emptied her lungs. In a tiny whisper, she said, “I guess . . . you are telling me that I was the one responsible for the changes in me. . . . Me?”
    Martha Bittner had just given birth to a brand new thought. Her aggression melted. We sensed Mom’s spirit lighten.
    Martha’s whisper grew louder. “Are you saying Stanley didn’t make me hopeless? I did it to myself?”
    “That’s right, Martha. You were the one who made a choice to stop being fearless. You allowed hopelessness to overtake you. You chose not to defend your feelings, your thinking, or your dreams. You gave up and decided they weren’t worth