Muslim convert and typically celebrates Kwanzaa and scoffs at you for celebrating white Jesus’s Christmas.
THE APPROACH: In your attempts to appear tolerant, be wary of what comes out of your mouth to this black.
CONVERSATION TIPS: Hold back—everything you say can and will be used against you and misconstrued.
The Nerdy Black:
Not to be confused with the Awkward Black, though some elements are interchangeable. The Nerdy Black is often socially hopeless. Where the Awkward Black constantly questions the social elements, often uncomfortably, the Nerdy Black is oblivious to any social cues whatsoever. Nerdy Blacks generally appreciate the crevices of pop culture. Science fiction, fantasy, fan fiction, reddit, conventions, video games—these things are all associated with nerd culture. Never underestimate the potential of the Nerdy Black.
THE APPROACH: Don’t be judgmental of this black. For the Awkward Black, a beautiful friendship can be formed if you take the time to listen and learn. Awkward Blacks may find themselves the love interest of the Nerdy Black. You needn’t be afraid. These blacks understand what it’s like to be considered an outcast. Be gentle. For the general population, try not to confuse the Nerdy Black with hipsters. Nobody cares about hipsters and they don’t even deserve a category.
KEY PHRASES: “I get you”; “No, I haven’t heard of ______; please inform”; “I’m not making fun of you, I promise.”
The Not-Black Black:
They’re quick to say, “Oh, I’m not black.” My favorite type of Not-Black Blacks claims to be Native American. “That’s why my hair is so good,” they’ll say. But ask them what tribe and they’ll either fall short or claim “Cherokee.” Oftentimes, the Not-Black Blacks are international. They tend to dissociate themselves from the shame associated with being “Regular” Black, unaware that there is no such thing. The stigma of being “black” is too much to bear, so they would rather not. These Not-Black Blacks are typically Caribbean, African, not American, and/or mixed Americans.
THE APPROACH: Don’t make jokes. This black is serious. Play along or back away.
KEY PHRASES: “Your nose looks so European”; “Your hair is so silky and curly”; “I would never have thought you were black.”
The Position-of-Power Black:
This black is typically a hybrid. Unfortunately, however, the wee bit of power granted to this black eclipses all other personalities. Positions of Power can range from security guards/police officers to executives. Many times, the POP Black relishes the ability to turn other blacks away, dripping with condescension at every opportunity. The POP Black’s asshole tendencies do not discriminate; power is power, and they will make you aware of this at every turn. However, POP blacks do tend to be harder on blacks so as to demonstrate that they are not discriminating.
THE APPROACH: Keep your words to a minimum and do NOT smile.
CONVERSATION TIPS: They don’t enjoy conversations. Keep it moving.
The Ratchet Black:
Previously known as “The Ghetto Black” or “The Hoodrat Black,” these blacks are always pitted as black embarrassment. They are generally referred to as the Bottom-of-the-Barrel Blacks. Shaped by their environment, they are frequently feared and misunderstood.
THE APPROACH: Put on your Black-cent, if you have one. If your Black-cent isn’t natural, don’t force it; Ratchet Blacks will sniff you out. Make eye contact; don’t act superior, because you’re not. Don’t be intimidated; just be yourself. If they don’t sense an immediate connection, they will walk away from you , because you are weird.
KEY PHRASES: “Okay, girl”; “I know that’s right”; “For real”; “I love Beyoncé.”
The Strong Black:
This black is tired from carrying the world on his or her shoulders. The Strong Black typically comes from a single-parent household and is used to getting things done on his or her own.
THE APPROACH: In your attempts to appear tolerant, be wary of what comes out of your mouth to this black.
CONVERSATION TIPS: Hold back—everything you say can and will be used against you and misconstrued.
The Nerdy Black:
Not to be confused with the Awkward Black, though some elements are interchangeable. The Nerdy Black is often socially hopeless. Where the Awkward Black constantly questions the social elements, often uncomfortably, the Nerdy Black is oblivious to any social cues whatsoever. Nerdy Blacks generally appreciate the crevices of pop culture. Science fiction, fantasy, fan fiction, reddit, conventions, video games—these things are all associated with nerd culture. Never underestimate the potential of the Nerdy Black.
THE APPROACH: Don’t be judgmental of this black. For the Awkward Black, a beautiful friendship can be formed if you take the time to listen and learn. Awkward Blacks may find themselves the love interest of the Nerdy Black. You needn’t be afraid. These blacks understand what it’s like to be considered an outcast. Be gentle. For the general population, try not to confuse the Nerdy Black with hipsters. Nobody cares about hipsters and they don’t even deserve a category.
KEY PHRASES: “I get you”; “No, I haven’t heard of ______; please inform”; “I’m not making fun of you, I promise.”
The Not-Black Black:
They’re quick to say, “Oh, I’m not black.” My favorite type of Not-Black Blacks claims to be Native American. “That’s why my hair is so good,” they’ll say. But ask them what tribe and they’ll either fall short or claim “Cherokee.” Oftentimes, the Not-Black Blacks are international. They tend to dissociate themselves from the shame associated with being “Regular” Black, unaware that there is no such thing. The stigma of being “black” is too much to bear, so they would rather not. These Not-Black Blacks are typically Caribbean, African, not American, and/or mixed Americans.
THE APPROACH: Don’t make jokes. This black is serious. Play along or back away.
KEY PHRASES: “Your nose looks so European”; “Your hair is so silky and curly”; “I would never have thought you were black.”
The Position-of-Power Black:
This black is typically a hybrid. Unfortunately, however, the wee bit of power granted to this black eclipses all other personalities. Positions of Power can range from security guards/police officers to executives. Many times, the POP Black relishes the ability to turn other blacks away, dripping with condescension at every opportunity. The POP Black’s asshole tendencies do not discriminate; power is power, and they will make you aware of this at every turn. However, POP blacks do tend to be harder on blacks so as to demonstrate that they are not discriminating.
THE APPROACH: Keep your words to a minimum and do NOT smile.
CONVERSATION TIPS: They don’t enjoy conversations. Keep it moving.
The Ratchet Black:
Previously known as “The Ghetto Black” or “The Hoodrat Black,” these blacks are always pitted as black embarrassment. They are generally referred to as the Bottom-of-the-Barrel Blacks. Shaped by their environment, they are frequently feared and misunderstood.
THE APPROACH: Put on your Black-cent, if you have one. If your Black-cent isn’t natural, don’t force it; Ratchet Blacks will sniff you out. Make eye contact; don’t act superior, because you’re not. Don’t be intimidated; just be yourself. If they don’t sense an immediate connection, they will walk away from you , because you are weird.
KEY PHRASES: “Okay, girl”; “I know that’s right”; “For real”; “I love Beyoncé.”
The Strong Black:
This black is tired from carrying the world on his or her shoulders. The Strong Black typically comes from a single-parent household and is used to getting things done on his or her own.
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