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for a closeness between us. I just didn’t feel I had anything concrete to offer him right now. Nothing substantial. So, I’d just continue to hold him at bay and hold myself together.
    Josiah was a solid rock that I found myself relying on. Putting my unwanted attraction aside, he made me feel safe. He never pushed beyond what I was capable of giving. He seemed to read my boundary lines rather well. And for that, I was grateful. To myself, in the quiet recesses of my mind, I’d been able to acknowledge my growing attraction to Josiah. I pondered that attraction at length and likened it to how a cat might respond to catnip. Or the way gasoline responded to a lit match. It was like I had no control over these feelings. They were compulsive. I had to respond.
    These feelings for him didn’t seem to have an On or Off switch. They were just there. And each day they grew. Not being around him didn’t seem to help, didn’t seem to lessen them any. Every so often I’d catch a look from him that made me think he was feeling the same things. And that just made me more confused. He had to see that I had nothing to offer him. I’d been torn apart, right down to the very core of who I was. And, even though he’d forced me to face life again, I didn’t know if I’d ever find the essence of me again. That left the question of, what did he want? What did Josiah see when he looked at me?
    These were all good and valid questions. Problem was, I was way too timid to ever ask them. Way too fractured to be that bold or confident. I told myself I’d just have to wait and let Josiah make the first move — if he intended to move at all.
     

CHAPTER FOUR
    Picking Up Strays
     
    Crimson Sage
     
    I TOLD JOSIAH I needed to go to town again, reminding myself I’d need to do something about getting my own vehicle soon. Ethan overheard me and asked to come along. Josiah told him he could, but to check with Billy first. Billy not only agreed but said, “Let’s all go. Give Sally a break. Get a burger.” The other boys shouted their enthusiasm for this idea and before I knew it everyone was going.
    I swallowed any consternation I was feeling as it sunk in that instead of the nice, quiet, and quick trip to town to pick up a couple things that I’d been anticipating, I’d now be getting a loud, boisterous, testosterone-fueled lengthy visit. Oh, well . At least the boys were happy, and I couldn’t fault them for their excitement.
    Billy had an old school bus that he’d painted blue with the ranch name in white on the side of it. Everyone piled in, excited conversations taking place all around me. I took a seat a couple rows behind Billy, who was driving. Ethan sat behind me and Josiah sat across the aisle from him. Ethan immediately began chatting animatedly with Kelly.
    I felt someone looking at me, felt the weight of it. I assumed it was Josiah and glanced over in his direction, anticipating his dark blue eyes. He wasn’t looking at me. He was staring down Rob. Rob was in turn staring at me. Hard. It was his gaze I’d felt. When he’d caught my eye, he very deliberately winked. I blinked in surprise and started to turn away, uncomfortable and embarrassed with his attentions.
    I saw Josiah tighten his fist, his jaw clenched. “Watch your manners, Rob,” he growled, low.
    Rob continued to stare at me, trying to hold my gaze. “I ain’t doing nothing.” His tone indicated an unspoken yet .
    “Rob,” Josiah snarled at him, his voice full of warning. Rob jerked his eyes to Josiah; I saw the flash of anger, but after a moment he backed down. “Whatever,” he grumbled and looked out the window.
    Josiah watched for a moment longer, then turned back to me. His face was void of expression now. Closed off. After a moment he looked away from me, glanced over the rest of the bus, which had become quiet during the exchange, and then looked out his window, too.
    I faced front again, trying to keep the heat from my face. Billy was watching