Read Online The Inspector-General by Nikolái Gógol - Free Book Online

That's right. I read yours. It's charming.
    KHLESTAKOV. I admit I live by literature. I have the first house in
St. Petersburg. It is well known as the house of Ivan Aleksandrovich.
(Addressing the company in general.)
If any of you should come to St.
Petersburg, do please call to see me. I give balls, too, you know.
    ANNA. I can guess the taste and magnificence of those balls.
    KHLESTAKOV. Immense! For instance, watermelon will be served costing
seven hundred rubles. The soup comes in the tureen straight from Paris
by steamer. When the lid is raised, the aroma of the steam is like
nothing else in the world. And we have formed a circle for playing
whist—the Minister of Foreign Affairs, the French, the English and the
German Ambassadors and myself. We play so hard we kill ourselves over
the cards. There's nothing like it. After it's over I'm so tired I
run home up the stairs to the fourth floor and tell the cook, "Here,
Marushka, take my coat"—What am I talking about?—I forgot that I live
on the first floor. One flight up costs me—My foyer before I rise
in the morning is an interesting spectacle indeed—counts and princes
jostling each other and humming like bees. All you hear is buzz, buzz,
buzz. Sometimes the Minister—
(The Governor and the rest rise in awe
from their chairs.)
Even my mail comes addressed "Your Excellency." And
once I even had charge of a department. A strange thing happened. The
head of the department went off, disappeared, no one knew where. Of
course there was a lot of talk about how the place would be filled,
who would fill it, and all that sort of thing. There were ever so many
generals hungry for the position, and they tried, but they couldn't cope
with it. It's too hard. Just on the surface it looks easy enough; but
when you come to examine it closely, it's the devil of a job. When they
saw they couldn't manage, they came to me. In an instant the
streets were packed full with couriers, nothing but couriers and
couriers—thirty-five thousand of them, imagine! Pray, picture the
situation to yourself! "Ivan Aleksandrovich, do come and take the
directorship of the department." I admit I was a little embarrassed.
I came out in my dressing-gown. I wanted to decline, but I thought it
might reach the Czar's ears, and, besides, my official record—"Very
well, gentlemen," I said, "I'll accept the position, I'll accept. So be
it. But mind," I said, "na-na-na, LOOK SHARP is the word with me, LOOK
SHARP!" And so it was. When I went through the offices of my department,
it was a regular earthquake, Everyone trembled and shook like a leaf.
(The Governor and the rest tremble with fright. Khlestakov works himself
up more and more as he speaks.)
Oh, I don't like to joke. I got all of
them thoroughly scared, I tell you. Even the Imperial Council is afraid
of me. And really, that's the sort I am. I don't spare anybody. I tell
them all, "I know myself, I know myself." I am everywhere, everywhere. I
go to Court daily. Tomorrow they are going to make me a field-marsh—
    He slips and almost falls, but is respectfully held up by the officials.
    GOVERNOR
(walks up to him trembling from top to toe and speaking with a
great effort)
. Your Ex-ex-ex- KHLESTAKOV
(curtly)
. What is it?
    GOVERNOR. Your Ex-ex-ex- KHLESTAKOV
(as before)
. I can't make out a
thing, it's all nonsense.
    GOVERNOR. Your Ex-ex—Your 'lency—Your Excellency, wouldn't you like to
rest a bit? Here's a room and everything you may need.
    KHLESTAKOV. Nonsense—rest! However, I'm ready for a rest. Your lunch
was fine, gentlemen. I am satisfied, I am satisfied.
(Declaiming.)
Labardan! Labardan!
    He goes into the next room followed by the Governor.
Scene VII
    The same without Khlestakov and the Governor.
    BOBCHINSKY
(to Dobchinsky)
. There's a man for you, Piotr Ivanovich.
That's what I call a man. I've never in my life been in the presence of
so important a personage. I almost died of fright. What do you think is
his rank, Piotr