Read Online The Hitwoman and the Neurotic Witness by J. B. Lynn - Free Book Online Page B

stress, coupled with the sudden influx of guests, was obviously too much for her to handle. “I’ll tell Armani to come by another time.”
    Susan shook her head. “It’s not that…have you spoken to Marlene?”
    “I don’t think she was up when I went to work and I just got home,” I said slowly. “She was smoking in her room. Smoking!” Susan practically screeched.
    Out of the corner of my eye I saw Griswald flinch, but he was wise enough to remain silent.
    “She probably just forgot the rules,” I said.
    “But she’s a smoker!” Susan wailed, as though she thought that was the equivalent of being a serial killer.
    I bit the inside of my cheek, resisting the urge to point out that since Marlene had spent who-knows-how-many-years working as a prostitute that she’d probably picked up more than one vice Susan wouldn’t approve of. Instead I said, “I’ll talk to her.”
    “And tell her she can’t leave her dirty dishes in the sink.”
    “Yes, ma’am.”
    “Your mother likes Armani,” Susan said.
    “Huh?” I asked, the change of conversation giving me whiplash.
    “Your mother met Armani at Alice’s wedding,” my aunt explained to me slowly as though I were mentally deficient. “She liked her.”
    Deciding the safest response was to say nothing at all, I nodded.
    “You should have her come over,” Susan decided.
    “I thought you said—” I began.
    “I think the dog wants to be let inside,” Griswald interrupted. He raised his eyebrows at me, which seemed to indicate that I should escape while I was still in possession of some of my sanity.
    Nodding my thanks, I practically ran from the room.
    I let DeeDee into the basement through the cellar storm doors just so I wouldn’t have to risk another run-in with Susan. The moment we stepped inside, I realized I hadn’t made a clean getaway.
    “It’s about time,” God complained from the shadows. “You left me here all alone with nothing to keep me entertained. I almost died of boredom.”
    “Poor thing,” I said sarcastically. “How did you ever manage to survive?”
    “Sleep,” DeeDee panted.
    The lizard stuck his tongue out at her. “Hush, beast.”
    “You slept all day?” I asked.
    “There was nothing, absolutely nothing, else to do,” God declared haughtily.
    “I’ll make you a deal,” I told the lizard. “I’ll turn on the TV to whatever you want to watch, if you’ll let me nap for an hour.”
    “Tired Maggie?” DeeDee asked.
    “Exhausted,” I confessed without exaggeration. I hadn’t gotten a decent night’s sleep in almost a week.
    “E!” God said.
    “Does that mean you agree?” I asked, confused.
    “E!”
    I frowned at him. “You’re going to have to give me more than a letter to go on.”
    “I want to watch E! Entertainment Television, you moron,” God thundered.
    “Why?” I asked, shuffling toward the remote control.
    “Letter!” DeeDee barked excitedly. “Letter Y.”
    The lizard twitched his tail, signaling his annoyance. “That’s what I get for teaching her the alphabet. Just turn on the channel so that I can keep up with the Kardashians.”
    “Who?” I asked.
    My reptilian companion stared at me, “Do you live under a rock?”
    “I’m a busy woman,” I said defensively.
    “The Kardashians…they’re like American royalty.”
    “Like the Kennedys?” I turned on the television.
    “No, no!” The little guy actually stamped his foot. “They haven’t held public office, or been convicted of crimes, or been assassinated.”
    “So what makes them royalty?” I asked, scrolling through the channels.
    “E!” DeeDee woofed helpfully.
    “Wrong, beast,” God said with a smug flick of his tail. “It all started with a sex tape.”
    Dropping the remote beside the set, I went and took a nap on the couch.
     
    ~#~
     
    “Wake up, Sleeping Beauty,” a man whispered, gently shaking my shoulder.
    I smiled before I opened my eyes. I’d been dreaming about Patrick, and here he was. I