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Authors: David Collins
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sacrifice. ( go to story-telling mode! ) You know, I’m reminded of something that I heard Rhonda say on the TV the other night. You parents, you all know Rhonda, the Udderly Fantastic Cow…why I watch her every time I get a chance. I know your children love her too. Rhonda said something the other day that I thought I would share with you because it truly speaks to all of us in the malls tonight—and those of you who are here live in the studio audience with us, here in the Pickering Town Centre studios of TV…this is especially for you. Rhonda said, and I really believe this myself, ‘Don’t Waste Space!’
Yes, it may be hard for each of us to look ourselves in the eyes and decide whether or not we are nothing more than a parasite or a leech. A space-waster! We simply must look in the mirror and make that determination. Are we productive? Are we happy? Are we working for a brighter future for our children? You all know that Revelation Night is nigh and we are absolutely assured that this year’s crop of Stage Fives is exceptional. We would like very much to invite twenty-three young people to become citizens of Toronto Nation on this occasion, but I am informed that in order to do so we must open six more spaces. Remember that you do not have to live your full allotment of time...no one’s forcing you to do so. And in the spirit of Mall citizenship, I am anouncing tonight that, up to Revelation Night itself, the Crematoria will be happy to arrange a free upgrading to a semi-precious urn for those who want to help make room for our newcomers.
Examine yourself, think about it, and then make room! Remember that the Crematoria stay open late on the weekends to help you. No waiting in a line-up. They’ll get you in fast! You think about it and then do the right thing!
I would also like to announce that the Grief Team has authorized sector sweeps for Wildkids in the Milton, Acton and Orangeville areas over the next month and, also, the operation presently underway near you folks in Yorkdown Mall will conclude on Thursday. Thank you for your patience! ( wind up ) Now I would again like to praise my son Gabriel, and the members of the Grief Team, for their valuable and timely actions in maintaining the security of our malls and I will close by bidding you a good night. ( smile! ) And remember that there will be a meeting of the Zone Exchange for Level 2 representatives and up tomorrow in Nation Hall number one in E.C.! Good night, everybody!”
Mayor Elias Macdonald Kraft slumped back in the overstuffed white leather armchair and quickly wiped his forehead with the large white towel offered to him by his assistant, Ferria d’Mont. He loathed speaking into a lens, pretending that there actually was a live studio audience instead of a technician in the glass booth with an applause track. Normally, he spoke in person in the Malls, loving the warm reception, but Ferria occasionally conned him into delivering one of his pep talks on Mall TV. She claimed that it enhanced his image; he believed that television caused his three chins to mutate into giant coils of white keilbassa.
“Beautiful job, Mayor!” beamed Ferria, each and every one of her polished white teeth a product of a real dentist with real facilities and equipment...well, there was only one in the E.C. as everyone well knew. Just try and get an appointment with him!
As it happened, this dentist was particularly pleased to maintain Ferria’s complete set of white beauties for the pivotal privilege of inserting something other than his fingers into her mouth on a regular basis. Completely illegal, of course, as she was still only a Stage Five. That perfect smile had taken three visits and Ferria thought that she had made a good bargain. The dentist had been more than satisfied at his end.
“One of your better ones,” agreed the Mayor, blowing his cheeks in and out to help himself unwind. Ferria wrote all of Elias’
Yes, it may be hard for each of us to look ourselves in the eyes and decide whether or not we are nothing more than a parasite or a leech. A space-waster! We simply must look in the mirror and make that determination. Are we productive? Are we happy? Are we working for a brighter future for our children? You all know that Revelation Night is nigh and we are absolutely assured that this year’s crop of Stage Fives is exceptional. We would like very much to invite twenty-three young people to become citizens of Toronto Nation on this occasion, but I am informed that in order to do so we must open six more spaces. Remember that you do not have to live your full allotment of time...no one’s forcing you to do so. And in the spirit of Mall citizenship, I am anouncing tonight that, up to Revelation Night itself, the Crematoria will be happy to arrange a free upgrading to a semi-precious urn for those who want to help make room for our newcomers.
Examine yourself, think about it, and then make room! Remember that the Crematoria stay open late on the weekends to help you. No waiting in a line-up. They’ll get you in fast! You think about it and then do the right thing!
I would also like to announce that the Grief Team has authorized sector sweeps for Wildkids in the Milton, Acton and Orangeville areas over the next month and, also, the operation presently underway near you folks in Yorkdown Mall will conclude on Thursday. Thank you for your patience! ( wind up ) Now I would again like to praise my son Gabriel, and the members of the Grief Team, for their valuable and timely actions in maintaining the security of our malls and I will close by bidding you a good night. ( smile! ) And remember that there will be a meeting of the Zone Exchange for Level 2 representatives and up tomorrow in Nation Hall number one in E.C.! Good night, everybody!”
Mayor Elias Macdonald Kraft slumped back in the overstuffed white leather armchair and quickly wiped his forehead with the large white towel offered to him by his assistant, Ferria d’Mont. He loathed speaking into a lens, pretending that there actually was a live studio audience instead of a technician in the glass booth with an applause track. Normally, he spoke in person in the Malls, loving the warm reception, but Ferria occasionally conned him into delivering one of his pep talks on Mall TV. She claimed that it enhanced his image; he believed that television caused his three chins to mutate into giant coils of white keilbassa.
“Beautiful job, Mayor!” beamed Ferria, each and every one of her polished white teeth a product of a real dentist with real facilities and equipment...well, there was only one in the E.C. as everyone well knew. Just try and get an appointment with him!
As it happened, this dentist was particularly pleased to maintain Ferria’s complete set of white beauties for the pivotal privilege of inserting something other than his fingers into her mouth on a regular basis. Completely illegal, of course, as she was still only a Stage Five. That perfect smile had taken three visits and Ferria thought that she had made a good bargain. The dentist had been more than satisfied at his end.
“One of your better ones,” agreed the Mayor, blowing his cheeks in and out to help himself unwind. Ferria wrote all of Elias’
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