Read Online The Great Pursuit by Tom Sharpe - Free Book Online
Authors: Tom Sharpe
Tags: Fiction:Humour
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had proved, on acquaintance, to be uninterested in
literature. Piper had reserved himself for the great love affair, one that would equal in
intensity the affairs he had read about in great novels, a meeting of literary minds. In Sonia
Futtle he felt he had found a woman who truly appreciated what he had to offer and one with whom
he could enter into a genuine relationship. If anything more was needed to convince him that he
need have no hesitation in going to America to promote someone else's work it was the knowledge
that Sonia was going with him. Piper finished shaving and went out into the kitchen to find a
note from Frensic saying he had gone to the office and telling Piper to make himself at home.
Piper made himself at home. He had breakfast and then, taking his diary and bottle of evaporated
ink through to Frensic's study, settled down at the desk to write his radiant perceptions of
Sonia Futtle in his diary.
But if Piper was radiant, Frensic wasn't. 'This thing could blow up in our faces,' he told
Sonia when she arrived. 'We got the poor sod drunk and he signed the contract but what happens if
he changes his mind?'
'No way,' said Sonia. 'We make a down-payment on the tour and you take him round to Corkadales
this afternoon and get him to sign for Search. That way we sew him up good and tight.'
'Methinks I hear the voice of Hutchmeyer speaking,' said Frensic. 'Sew him up good and tight.
Tight being the operative word. Good I have doubts about.'
'It's for his own,' said Sonia. 'Name me some other way he's ever going to see Search in
print.'
Frensic nodded his agreement. 'Geoffrey is going to have a fit when he sees what he's agreed
to publish. The Magic Mountain in East Finchley. The mind boggles. You should have read Piper's
version of Nostromo, likewise set in East Finchley.'
'I'll wait for the reviews,' said Sonia. 'In the meantime we'll have made a cool quarter of a
million. Pounds, Frenzy, not dollars. Think of that.'
'I have thought of that,' said Frensic. 'I have also thought what will happen if this thing
goes wrong. We'll be out of business.'
'It isn't going to go wrong. I've been on the phone to Eleanor Beazley of the "Books To Be
Read" programme. She owes me a favour. She's agreed to squeeze Piper into next week's '
'No,' said Frensic. 'Definitely not. I won't have you rushing Piper '
'Listen, baby,' said Sonia, 'we've got to strike while the iron's hot. We get Piper on the box
saying he wrote Pause and he ain't going to back out nohow.'
Frensic regarded her with distaste. 'He ain't going to back out nohow? Charming. We're really
getting into Mafia-land now. And kindly don't "baby" me. If there is one expression I abominate
it's being called "baby". And as for putting the poor demented Piper on the box, have you thought
what effect this is going to have on Cadwalladine and his anonymous client?'
'Cadwalladine has agreed to the substitution in principle,' said Sonia. 'What's he got to
complain about?'
'There is a difference between "in principle" and "in practice",' said Frensic. 'What he
actually said was that he would consult his client.'
'And has he let you know?'
'Not yet,' said Frensic, 'and in some ways I rather hope he turns the idea down. At least it
would put an end once and for all to the internecine strife between my greed and my
scruples.'
But even that relief was denied him. Half an hour later a telegram was delivered.
'CLIENT AGREES TO SUBSTITUTION STOP ANONYMITY OVERRIDING CONSIDERATION CADWALLADINE.'
'So we're in the clear,' said Sonia. 'I'll confirm Piper for Wednesday and see if the Guardian
will run a feature on him. You get on to Geoffrey and arrange for Piper to exchange contracts for
Search this afternoon.'
'That could lead to misunderstandings,' said Frensic. 'Geoffrey happens to think Piper wrote
Pause and since Piper hasn't read Pause, let alone written the thing...'
'So you take him out to lunch and
literature. Piper had reserved himself for the great love affair, one that would equal in
intensity the affairs he had read about in great novels, a meeting of literary minds. In Sonia
Futtle he felt he had found a woman who truly appreciated what he had to offer and one with whom
he could enter into a genuine relationship. If anything more was needed to convince him that he
need have no hesitation in going to America to promote someone else's work it was the knowledge
that Sonia was going with him. Piper finished shaving and went out into the kitchen to find a
note from Frensic saying he had gone to the office and telling Piper to make himself at home.
Piper made himself at home. He had breakfast and then, taking his diary and bottle of evaporated
ink through to Frensic's study, settled down at the desk to write his radiant perceptions of
Sonia Futtle in his diary.
But if Piper was radiant, Frensic wasn't. 'This thing could blow up in our faces,' he told
Sonia when she arrived. 'We got the poor sod drunk and he signed the contract but what happens if
he changes his mind?'
'No way,' said Sonia. 'We make a down-payment on the tour and you take him round to Corkadales
this afternoon and get him to sign for Search. That way we sew him up good and tight.'
'Methinks I hear the voice of Hutchmeyer speaking,' said Frensic. 'Sew him up good and tight.
Tight being the operative word. Good I have doubts about.'
'It's for his own,' said Sonia. 'Name me some other way he's ever going to see Search in
print.'
Frensic nodded his agreement. 'Geoffrey is going to have a fit when he sees what he's agreed
to publish. The Magic Mountain in East Finchley. The mind boggles. You should have read Piper's
version of Nostromo, likewise set in East Finchley.'
'I'll wait for the reviews,' said Sonia. 'In the meantime we'll have made a cool quarter of a
million. Pounds, Frenzy, not dollars. Think of that.'
'I have thought of that,' said Frensic. 'I have also thought what will happen if this thing
goes wrong. We'll be out of business.'
'It isn't going to go wrong. I've been on the phone to Eleanor Beazley of the "Books To Be
Read" programme. She owes me a favour. She's agreed to squeeze Piper into next week's '
'No,' said Frensic. 'Definitely not. I won't have you rushing Piper '
'Listen, baby,' said Sonia, 'we've got to strike while the iron's hot. We get Piper on the box
saying he wrote Pause and he ain't going to back out nohow.'
Frensic regarded her with distaste. 'He ain't going to back out nohow? Charming. We're really
getting into Mafia-land now. And kindly don't "baby" me. If there is one expression I abominate
it's being called "baby". And as for putting the poor demented Piper on the box, have you thought
what effect this is going to have on Cadwalladine and his anonymous client?'
'Cadwalladine has agreed to the substitution in principle,' said Sonia. 'What's he got to
complain about?'
'There is a difference between "in principle" and "in practice",' said Frensic. 'What he
actually said was that he would consult his client.'
'And has he let you know?'
'Not yet,' said Frensic, 'and in some ways I rather hope he turns the idea down. At least it
would put an end once and for all to the internecine strife between my greed and my
scruples.'
But even that relief was denied him. Half an hour later a telegram was delivered.
'CLIENT AGREES TO SUBSTITUTION STOP ANONYMITY OVERRIDING CONSIDERATION CADWALLADINE.'
'So we're in the clear,' said Sonia. 'I'll confirm Piper for Wednesday and see if the Guardian
will run a feature on him. You get on to Geoffrey and arrange for Piper to exchange contracts for
Search this afternoon.'
'That could lead to misunderstandings,' said Frensic. 'Geoffrey happens to think Piper wrote
Pause and since Piper hasn't read Pause, let alone written the thing...'
'So you take him out to lunch and