and a slice of cake.
The girl sets our drinks on the counter. “I can’t believe you live in Berkeley. My roommate is going to flip when I tell her you came in here today.”
Neil reaches for his wallet, and the waitress waves him off when he goes to pay. After thanking her, Neil grabs our coffees while I take our cake and move quickly ahead of him to open the door.
We settle at a table on the patio and I rip open my packets of raw sugar. “It was kind of sweet that that girl recognized you and didn’t make you pay. Why did you get all jumpy?”
Neil leans back in his chair. “I don’t know. It makes me uncomfortable. I guess I’m not used to it yet. It’s just weird, you know? Perfect strangers thinking they know you. People you don’t know buying you shit. It’s weird.”
I stir my coffee. “How long has this been happening? People recognizing you on the street?”
Neil shrugs. “It doesn’t happen very often. Four months maybe. Since the last album released.”
“You have a song on the charts. It was bound to start happening. There are worst things than being recognized, Neil. It means people are starting to notice the music. It’s a good thing.”
“It’s bullshit, Chrissie. Bullshit. You know that. Who gives a fuck if anyone knows who I am?”
“I do.” I make a sweet pout across the table. “You’ve worked hard. I’m proud of you . And you better get used to it because the new album is amazing.” I shake my head, stirring my coffee. “Boy, you looked awkward in there.” I laugh. “But you are very cute when you are being shy and humble. Not at all like the conceited jerk I live with.”
I’m smiling when I look back up at Neil, but my face falls and my heart stills. Why is he angry with me?
“Is that what we’re doing? Living together? When I called you my girlfriend back there you got all tense and shit. And you still haven’t told me if you’re coming to Seattle with me.”
My scalp prickles as heat covers my flesh. Oh shit, what made me say that last part— jerk I live with? Not smart, Chrissie. Not smart.
I focus on my fork as I cut into the slice of cake we’re sharing. “I don’t know what we’re doing, Neil. I’m not there yet. And I can’t think about Seattle yet.”
Neil leans back in his chair, his eyes intense. “I leave tomorrow. You had better figure out what you want soon, Chrissie.”
Oh God . How did we get from having coffee together to talking about us again? I’m not even close to having a reasonable response to that, but the thought of Neil leaving in the morning makes my insides collapse.
Tilting back his head, Neil finishes his coffee in one long swallow, then collects the trash from our table and throws it away.
He stands beside the table, and I don’t rise.
Finally, he says, “We’re good together, Chrissie. That should tell you everything you need to know about us. What more do you need from a guy?”
There’s an edge of hurt to Neil’s voice that cuts at my heart, and I stare down at my coffee.
“I don’t know.”
He crouches down until he’s at eye level with me. “I love you. What more do you need to know?”
I look away, fixing my vision on a vacant space across the food court. I grow more rattled each time he says I love you to me and more panicked each time I think about him leaving. What a stupid contradiction of reactions. They make no sense. No wonder I can’t figure out what I’m supposed to do about Neil and me.
He cups my face with his palms. “We’re doing good, Chrissie. Don’t fuck us up a second time over Alan Manzone. We’re perfect together. You know it. Just let me love you.”
His voice is breathy. Ragged. Intense.
The last thing I was prepared for was a plea from Neil not to end us delivered in front of our stupid, hippie vegan restaurant. Is that why he brought me here? To push me for a decision away from the condo, away from Rene?
I suddenly feel frazzled and disoriented. “Please, can we not
The girl sets our drinks on the counter. “I can’t believe you live in Berkeley. My roommate is going to flip when I tell her you came in here today.”
Neil reaches for his wallet, and the waitress waves him off when he goes to pay. After thanking her, Neil grabs our coffees while I take our cake and move quickly ahead of him to open the door.
We settle at a table on the patio and I rip open my packets of raw sugar. “It was kind of sweet that that girl recognized you and didn’t make you pay. Why did you get all jumpy?”
Neil leans back in his chair. “I don’t know. It makes me uncomfortable. I guess I’m not used to it yet. It’s just weird, you know? Perfect strangers thinking they know you. People you don’t know buying you shit. It’s weird.”
I stir my coffee. “How long has this been happening? People recognizing you on the street?”
Neil shrugs. “It doesn’t happen very often. Four months maybe. Since the last album released.”
“You have a song on the charts. It was bound to start happening. There are worst things than being recognized, Neil. It means people are starting to notice the music. It’s a good thing.”
“It’s bullshit, Chrissie. Bullshit. You know that. Who gives a fuck if anyone knows who I am?”
“I do.” I make a sweet pout across the table. “You’ve worked hard. I’m proud of you . And you better get used to it because the new album is amazing.” I shake my head, stirring my coffee. “Boy, you looked awkward in there.” I laugh. “But you are very cute when you are being shy and humble. Not at all like the conceited jerk I live with.”
I’m smiling when I look back up at Neil, but my face falls and my heart stills. Why is he angry with me?
“Is that what we’re doing? Living together? When I called you my girlfriend back there you got all tense and shit. And you still haven’t told me if you’re coming to Seattle with me.”
My scalp prickles as heat covers my flesh. Oh shit, what made me say that last part— jerk I live with? Not smart, Chrissie. Not smart.
I focus on my fork as I cut into the slice of cake we’re sharing. “I don’t know what we’re doing, Neil. I’m not there yet. And I can’t think about Seattle yet.”
Neil leans back in his chair, his eyes intense. “I leave tomorrow. You had better figure out what you want soon, Chrissie.”
Oh God . How did we get from having coffee together to talking about us again? I’m not even close to having a reasonable response to that, but the thought of Neil leaving in the morning makes my insides collapse.
Tilting back his head, Neil finishes his coffee in one long swallow, then collects the trash from our table and throws it away.
He stands beside the table, and I don’t rise.
Finally, he says, “We’re good together, Chrissie. That should tell you everything you need to know about us. What more do you need from a guy?”
There’s an edge of hurt to Neil’s voice that cuts at my heart, and I stare down at my coffee.
“I don’t know.”
He crouches down until he’s at eye level with me. “I love you. What more do you need to know?”
I look away, fixing my vision on a vacant space across the food court. I grow more rattled each time he says I love you to me and more panicked each time I think about him leaving. What a stupid contradiction of reactions. They make no sense. No wonder I can’t figure out what I’m supposed to do about Neil and me.
He cups my face with his palms. “We’re doing good, Chrissie. Don’t fuck us up a second time over Alan Manzone. We’re perfect together. You know it. Just let me love you.”
His voice is breathy. Ragged. Intense.
The last thing I was prepared for was a plea from Neil not to end us delivered in front of our stupid, hippie vegan restaurant. Is that why he brought me here? To push me for a decision away from the condo, away from Rene?
I suddenly feel frazzled and disoriented. “Please, can we not
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