Read Online The First Time is the Hardest: An Austin Brothers Novella (Austin Brothers Series Book 1) by L A Cotton - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: L A Cotton
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sorry,” he said. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“Me too.”
And I was.
Last night was many things, but I didn't regret it.
I couldn't.
“You need to put a shirt on.” I traced a finger across Ryan's defined chest.
“Why?”
Curling my hand into a fist, I punched him gently. “Don't be a conceited jerk.”
“Broke the ice, though.”
I smiled through the tears. He was right. It had cracked the coolness that had settled around us earlier. Ryan looked right at me, his eyebrows knitting together. “Tell me this feels wrong.”
“Ryan, I-”
“Tell me, Mila. Tell me you don't feel it, and I'll let you walk out of here.”
I felt it.
God, I felt it.
But I also felt the guilt churning in my stomach, the shame burning through me.
“Luca-”
“Isn't here, Mila. He isn't here. He left us.” Warm lips pressed against my neck. “Before the funeral, you asked me not to leave. Now, I'm asking you to stay.” Ryan started a slow path to my ear, and my body started to respond, coming alive in his arms. “Stay, Mila. Stay with me.”
“I-”
Ryan's mouth came down on mine, and I wound my hands around his neck. I was weak—letting my desires overrule my head. Overrule what I knew was the right thing. But I couldn't deny that being with Ryan eased the pain. Filled some of the gaping holes in my heart.
Our lips moved in perfect symmetry, our tongues gliding together. It felt different from the night before. Then, it had been about forgetting. Now, it felt more like acknowledging this thing between us. Ryan nudged me back until I was lying in the middle of the bed, and he hovered above me, resting on his elbows. I’d come to realize that it was in these moments alone that he let me see the guy behind the hard exterior. His roguish smirk gave him a playful quality he rarely revealed in public.
Reaching out, I slid my hand along his jaw. Ryan’s eyes shuttered, and his chest heaved, affected by my touch. “I’ll stay.”
His eyes snapped open and searched my own. “You will?”
I nodded, fighting the smile forming on my lips. Part of me still didn’t want to think about what was happening—what had happened, but I was no longer going to deny myself this.
Him.
Ryan understood. He felt my pain, the grief … the emptiness. But he also gave me hope. Hope that things could, one day, be okay again. And, although I wasn’t ready to admit it, being with Ryan meant I still had a piece of Lucas with me.
So when Ryan dipped his head and traced the outline of my mouth with his own, I looped my arms around his neck and hitched my leg around his. He rolled his hips, pressing into me, and I moaned softly, our earlier argument melting away.
Until my cell vibrated.
“You have to be kidding me.” Ryan’s head flopped onto my shoulder, and he let out a frustrated groan. “Go answer it. It’ll be Tanner.”
“How did you-”
“Mila, he’s your brother. He loves you. And, well, if it were my sister holed up in a motel with the likes of me, I wouldn’t have waited ‘til morning to call.”
I shot him a look. I didn’t like hearing him talk about himself in such deprecating terms, but he was right. It could only be Mom or Tanner calling. Ryan rolled to the side of me, letting me up, and I padded across the room to my purse. Sure enough, Tanner’s number flashed across the screen.
“Hey, Tan,” I said trying to sound normal.
“You have five minutes, or I’m coming in.”
“What the hell, Tanner?”
“I’m serious, Mila Jean. I’m outside, and if you’re not out in five minutes, I’m coming in.”
“Tan-” The line went dead. “Unbelievable, he hung up on me. I can’t believe he hung up on me.”
“Problem?” Across the room, Ryan pulled on his jeans with the hint of an amused smile on his lips.
“I’m glad you find this amusing. My brother is outside, Ryan. What the hell is wrong with my family?”
Ryan stalked toward me, the amusement gone replaced with something darker,
“Me too.”
And I was.
Last night was many things, but I didn't regret it.
I couldn't.
“You need to put a shirt on.” I traced a finger across Ryan's defined chest.
“Why?”
Curling my hand into a fist, I punched him gently. “Don't be a conceited jerk.”
“Broke the ice, though.”
I smiled through the tears. He was right. It had cracked the coolness that had settled around us earlier. Ryan looked right at me, his eyebrows knitting together. “Tell me this feels wrong.”
“Ryan, I-”
“Tell me, Mila. Tell me you don't feel it, and I'll let you walk out of here.”
I felt it.
God, I felt it.
But I also felt the guilt churning in my stomach, the shame burning through me.
“Luca-”
“Isn't here, Mila. He isn't here. He left us.” Warm lips pressed against my neck. “Before the funeral, you asked me not to leave. Now, I'm asking you to stay.” Ryan started a slow path to my ear, and my body started to respond, coming alive in his arms. “Stay, Mila. Stay with me.”
“I-”
Ryan's mouth came down on mine, and I wound my hands around his neck. I was weak—letting my desires overrule my head. Overrule what I knew was the right thing. But I couldn't deny that being with Ryan eased the pain. Filled some of the gaping holes in my heart.
Our lips moved in perfect symmetry, our tongues gliding together. It felt different from the night before. Then, it had been about forgetting. Now, it felt more like acknowledging this thing between us. Ryan nudged me back until I was lying in the middle of the bed, and he hovered above me, resting on his elbows. I’d come to realize that it was in these moments alone that he let me see the guy behind the hard exterior. His roguish smirk gave him a playful quality he rarely revealed in public.
Reaching out, I slid my hand along his jaw. Ryan’s eyes shuttered, and his chest heaved, affected by my touch. “I’ll stay.”
His eyes snapped open and searched my own. “You will?”
I nodded, fighting the smile forming on my lips. Part of me still didn’t want to think about what was happening—what had happened, but I was no longer going to deny myself this.
Him.
Ryan understood. He felt my pain, the grief … the emptiness. But he also gave me hope. Hope that things could, one day, be okay again. And, although I wasn’t ready to admit it, being with Ryan meant I still had a piece of Lucas with me.
So when Ryan dipped his head and traced the outline of my mouth with his own, I looped my arms around his neck and hitched my leg around his. He rolled his hips, pressing into me, and I moaned softly, our earlier argument melting away.
Until my cell vibrated.
“You have to be kidding me.” Ryan’s head flopped onto my shoulder, and he let out a frustrated groan. “Go answer it. It’ll be Tanner.”
“How did you-”
“Mila, he’s your brother. He loves you. And, well, if it were my sister holed up in a motel with the likes of me, I wouldn’t have waited ‘til morning to call.”
I shot him a look. I didn’t like hearing him talk about himself in such deprecating terms, but he was right. It could only be Mom or Tanner calling. Ryan rolled to the side of me, letting me up, and I padded across the room to my purse. Sure enough, Tanner’s number flashed across the screen.
“Hey, Tan,” I said trying to sound normal.
“You have five minutes, or I’m coming in.”
“What the hell, Tanner?”
“I’m serious, Mila Jean. I’m outside, and if you’re not out in five minutes, I’m coming in.”
“Tan-” The line went dead. “Unbelievable, he hung up on me. I can’t believe he hung up on me.”
“Problem?” Across the room, Ryan pulled on his jeans with the hint of an amused smile on his lips.
“I’m glad you find this amusing. My brother is outside, Ryan. What the hell is wrong with my family?”
Ryan stalked toward me, the amusement gone replaced with something darker,
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