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Authors: Gitty Daneshvari
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feet.”
“So about the size of a coffin or a French elevator or another comparable death trap,” Lulu muttered, her face white with fear.
“Even though you appear to know what you’re doing, Pilot Aronson, the bulldog and I will still be wearing parachutes as a precaution,” Theo announced before turning to Lulu. “
As a Precaution
is another great potential title for my memoir.”
“Stop talking about your memoir. You haven’t even gone through puberty yet!”
“I’ll have you know that just this morning I saw a hair on my chin,” Theo retorted as Lulu rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine, it was one of Macaroni’s hairs that just happened to blow onto my face. But if that’s not foreshadowing, what is?”
“Sorry to interrupt, but do you guys have any other questions for me?” Pilot Aronson asked with exasperation.
“Does your flight attendant know CPR?” Theo asked dramatically, raising his eyebrows.
“My flight attendant’s name is Maggie, and yes, she is certified in first aid, including CPR,” Pilot Aronson responded reassuringly.
“Okay, good, but I hope she isn’t the overeager type because I’m saving my first kiss for someone special, if you know what I mean,” Theo said.
“He doesn’t know what you mean. No one knows what you mean. I don’t even think you know what you mean!” Lulu blurted out.
After all the questions were asked and answered, Garrison and Madeleine boarded the plane, followed by Mrs. Wellington, Hyacinth, Abernathy, and Schmidty. Lulu and Theo remained parked on the tarmac, staring up at the rusted mess of metal.
“I don’t think I can do it. It’s so small,” Lulu said as her voice began to quiver.
“But there are windows, Lulu,” Theo said reassuringly. “And you love windows. There are even cracks in some of them, so you’ll have fresh air.”
“No, it’s too tiny.”
“It’s bigger than our bathroom, and you’ve spent more than forty-five minutes in there, so what’s the big deal?”
Lulu looked at Theo sweetly and smiled. “Just when I thought you were an idiot, you had to go and make sense. Come on, let’s do this.”
“Nah, you go ahead. Mac and I are going to sit this one out.”
“What about the great pep talk you just gave me?”
“It
was
pretty good, wasn’t it?”
“Get on the plane, Fatty! We need you!”
“But Lulu, it already looks like it’s been in a crash! That is
not
a good sign!”
“Theo, you’re a hall monitor,” Lulu said, feigning seriousness. “Either rise to the occasion or I’m going to have to turn you in to the Board of Ethical Hall Monitors and have your sash revoked.”
Gasping in horror, Theo unfolded his sash and slipped it onto his body while sucking in his belly. Outside of eating, being a hall monitor was Theo’s greatest joy in life, and he had no intention of giving it up.
“Let’s do this!” the boy yelled bravely before performing one of his famous Rumpmaster Funk dance moves.
“Hold that thought,” Lulu muttered as she watched two airport workers struggle to load a large and unusuallybulky white canvas sack onto the back of the plane. “Remember that story you told me about the man who hid an alligator in his luggage?”
“Do you think Hyacinth put an alligator in her bag to get back at me for calling Celery a racist?”
“What? You called the ferret a racist?”
“She hates me because I’m fat.”
“For the last time, fat people are not a race!”
“Alligators love fatties; we’ll be dead by takeoff,” Theo mumbled to Macaroni as Lulu sprinted toward the back of the plane.
EVERYONE’S AFRAID OF SOMETHING:
Herpetophopia is the fear
of reptiles.
I n reality, there wasn’t an alligator on the plane, but a pig. Stuffed into the large canvas sack was none other than Sylvie Montgomery. The story of the man hiding an alligator had merely given Lulu the idea of a stowaway, and sure enough, she was right. The feisty girl had the baggage handlers remove the wiggling
“So about the size of a coffin or a French elevator or another comparable death trap,” Lulu muttered, her face white with fear.
“Even though you appear to know what you’re doing, Pilot Aronson, the bulldog and I will still be wearing parachutes as a precaution,” Theo announced before turning to Lulu. “
As a Precaution
is another great potential title for my memoir.”
“Stop talking about your memoir. You haven’t even gone through puberty yet!”
“I’ll have you know that just this morning I saw a hair on my chin,” Theo retorted as Lulu rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine, it was one of Macaroni’s hairs that just happened to blow onto my face. But if that’s not foreshadowing, what is?”
“Sorry to interrupt, but do you guys have any other questions for me?” Pilot Aronson asked with exasperation.
“Does your flight attendant know CPR?” Theo asked dramatically, raising his eyebrows.
“My flight attendant’s name is Maggie, and yes, she is certified in first aid, including CPR,” Pilot Aronson responded reassuringly.
“Okay, good, but I hope she isn’t the overeager type because I’m saving my first kiss for someone special, if you know what I mean,” Theo said.
“He doesn’t know what you mean. No one knows what you mean. I don’t even think you know what you mean!” Lulu blurted out.
After all the questions were asked and answered, Garrison and Madeleine boarded the plane, followed by Mrs. Wellington, Hyacinth, Abernathy, and Schmidty. Lulu and Theo remained parked on the tarmac, staring up at the rusted mess of metal.
“I don’t think I can do it. It’s so small,” Lulu said as her voice began to quiver.
“But there are windows, Lulu,” Theo said reassuringly. “And you love windows. There are even cracks in some of them, so you’ll have fresh air.”
“No, it’s too tiny.”
“It’s bigger than our bathroom, and you’ve spent more than forty-five minutes in there, so what’s the big deal?”
Lulu looked at Theo sweetly and smiled. “Just when I thought you were an idiot, you had to go and make sense. Come on, let’s do this.”
“Nah, you go ahead. Mac and I are going to sit this one out.”
“What about the great pep talk you just gave me?”
“It
was
pretty good, wasn’t it?”
“Get on the plane, Fatty! We need you!”
“But Lulu, it already looks like it’s been in a crash! That is
not
a good sign!”
“Theo, you’re a hall monitor,” Lulu said, feigning seriousness. “Either rise to the occasion or I’m going to have to turn you in to the Board of Ethical Hall Monitors and have your sash revoked.”
Gasping in horror, Theo unfolded his sash and slipped it onto his body while sucking in his belly. Outside of eating, being a hall monitor was Theo’s greatest joy in life, and he had no intention of giving it up.
“Let’s do this!” the boy yelled bravely before performing one of his famous Rumpmaster Funk dance moves.
“Hold that thought,” Lulu muttered as she watched two airport workers struggle to load a large and unusuallybulky white canvas sack onto the back of the plane. “Remember that story you told me about the man who hid an alligator in his luggage?”
“Do you think Hyacinth put an alligator in her bag to get back at me for calling Celery a racist?”
“What? You called the ferret a racist?”
“She hates me because I’m fat.”
“For the last time, fat people are not a race!”
“Alligators love fatties; we’ll be dead by takeoff,” Theo mumbled to Macaroni as Lulu sprinted toward the back of the plane.
EVERYONE’S AFRAID OF SOMETHING:
Herpetophopia is the fear
of reptiles.
I n reality, there wasn’t an alligator on the plane, but a pig. Stuffed into the large canvas sack was none other than Sylvie Montgomery. The story of the man hiding an alligator had merely given Lulu the idea of a stowaway, and sure enough, she was right. The feisty girl had the baggage handlers remove the wiggling
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