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found him there – but then she was bearing a child.
    He somehow got himself out of the house and back to where his chair waited. There was nothing else.

F IVE
    Lucy came to, out of the arms of wonderful sleep. She tried to get back to where she had been, to some pleasant dream which included her parents and Gemma, but she couldn’t. She had awoken in the dim light and remembered where she was. It took several moments to focus and even that was difficult because the room was in darkness, though fingers of light were trying to reach around the curtains. Then she realized that someone was knocking hesitantly on her door and from out there came the sound of a worried voice speaking her name. She lay for a few moments longer until the voice saying her name for the third time became recognizable. It was Gemma.
    She had been forgiven. Gemma had not married Guy, for she knew now that her sister had been right. Her father and mother saw that she had been speaking the truth. All her best dreams had come true – she was going home. She almost fell out of bed, stumbled the short distance to the door, unlocked it, hauled it open and there stood her sister.
    ‘Gemma!’ she exclaimed and threw herself into her sister’s arms, rapturous with relief.
    Only she didn’t. There were a few moments before shecould make herself believe that no one stood outside her door. There was nothing but empty air. She had wanted it so badly that she had imagined it.
    She thought she had grown used to the sickening feeling, that what had happened could not be put aside as some kind of nightmare. The nightmare was real and went on and on. She tried to breathe and not to cry as disappointment swept over her, overwhelming her with desire to go back into the room, to close and lock the door and get thankfully into bed, staying there forever in the darkness.
    She turned over but already couldn’t recall more than the shadows of her dream. The family drifted further and further away the more she tried to bring them back until she could barely remember what they looked like.
    Thankfully, once again, sleep took over. The next time she awoke it was dark and she was thirsty. She waited until her eyes adjusted themselves, until she could make out the jug on the dressing table which would still have water in it. She got carefully out of bed, went over and put the jug to her lips. The water tasted slightly stale, but there was enough to quench her thirst. She went back to bed. Then she needed the lavatory. By the time she had returned she was wide awake and so afraid.
    The cathedral clock was striking eleven. She lay there for hours, shutting her eyes and wishing for oblivion. But she had slept enough; her body was demanding food. She hadn’t eaten in days and every time she thought of normal things it brought back being at home. She wished now that she had told her mother she had slept with a college boy. She should have done that. Even though they would have beenashamed of her they would have accepted it and she would not be here like this. She would have been at Gemma and Guy’s wedding. The idea of seeing him ever again made her change her mind abruptly.
    She thought of Gemma marrying that man and she knew that she had been right to tell them, even though they had not believed her. Even though they had taken no notice no matter what she said, she had still been right. She would have blamed herself when anything had gone wrong in Gemma’s marriage if she had kept silent. It was a gamble of course, like most important things were. There was no reason that she knew of why a man who did such a thing would not make as good as husband as any other man, though to her it didn’t seem sensible.
    Even though it had cost her so very much she could not have done that to her sister. She questioned her own motives. Part of her was still a woman and tried to blame her for what had happened. But it didn’t matter how often she went through the scene again – and she