an opposite-sex couple, they could have done so; instead, they used a Nolo Press book to outline their legal agreements with powers of attorney and wills.
Pay special attention to durable powers of attorney for finance and health care, and to wills. While the law will not support everything an eager slut might want to do with his money and property, your chances of having your desires upheld by the law will be greatly improved if you express them in a formal and legal manner.
If your agreements are particularly complicated, or if things of great value (such as a lot of money or a successful business) are involved, you may want to go beyond the do-it-yourself level and contact an attorney. If you have that kind of money, you probably know more about this than we do. Do try to find an attorney who is open to nontraditional relationships; you can find referral lists in the Resource Guide at the end of the book.
We have neither the space nor the expertise to tell you all the ways that people with nontraditional sexualities can go about setting up their lives—options range all the way from adopting your partner to setting up a business trust, and beyond. But please, don’t assume that your good intentions, heartfelt love, and general wonderfulness will protect you. Sluts don’t have that luxury. Do your homework and get the law on your side.
CHAPTER SIX
Infinite Possibilities
THE FIRST EDITION of this book was subtitled “A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities.” Now that we’re older and a little bit wiser, even that sweeping statement seems a bit limiting: sluthood means infinite possibilities of all kinds, not just the sexual. If you think a “celibate slut” is a contradiction in terms, we have a few surprises in store for you: sluthood lives in the brain, not between the legs, and can fit comfortably and joyously into whatever consensual sexual and relationship pattern you choose.
Asexuality and Celibacy
Folks who say no thanks to sex are becoming an increasingly visible minority. Asexuality refers to people who simply don’t experience sexual attraction, and celibacy to those who feel attraction but prefer, for whatever reason, not to act on it. We think that any kind of sexual freedom must include the freedom to
not
have sex, without being pestered or pathologized.
Traditionally, celibacy has offered a way for people to focus on intellectual or spiritual concerns, without the distraction of fleshly lusts. If you’re on a religious quest, or working on your doctoral dissertation, or undergoing a major life change, celibacy—short-term or long-term—may offer a valid means of narrowing your focus for a while.
Similarly, people for whom sex or relationships have caused problems may choose a period of celibacy as a pathway toward self-examination: “What kind of person am I when I’m being me just for myself?” Dossie was celibate for this reason for five months after she left an abusive partner, after which she burst forth into feminism and conscious sluttery.
Some people are celibate, but not by choice: people who are incarcerated, ill or disabled, geographically isolated, socially unskilled, or underage may have trouble finding partners for consensual sex. Others are celibate simply because they do not, for whatever reason, feel like being sociable or sexual for a while, or perhaps for good.
We do not see “celibate slut” or “asexual slut” as in any way a contradiction in terms. There are infinite ways of relating to other people—romantically, intimately, domestically, and more—and if you’ve opened your life and heart to as many of those ways as possible, you’re one of us.
Platonic Relationships, aka Friendships
One friend of ours drives us nuts by moaning, “I don’t have a relationship … just all these
friends
!” We have news for him, and for you: friendship
is
a relationship, an important one that offers tremendous opportunities for the things we need most out of our
Pay special attention to durable powers of attorney for finance and health care, and to wills. While the law will not support everything an eager slut might want to do with his money and property, your chances of having your desires upheld by the law will be greatly improved if you express them in a formal and legal manner.
If your agreements are particularly complicated, or if things of great value (such as a lot of money or a successful business) are involved, you may want to go beyond the do-it-yourself level and contact an attorney. If you have that kind of money, you probably know more about this than we do. Do try to find an attorney who is open to nontraditional relationships; you can find referral lists in the Resource Guide at the end of the book.
We have neither the space nor the expertise to tell you all the ways that people with nontraditional sexualities can go about setting up their lives—options range all the way from adopting your partner to setting up a business trust, and beyond. But please, don’t assume that your good intentions, heartfelt love, and general wonderfulness will protect you. Sluts don’t have that luxury. Do your homework and get the law on your side.
CHAPTER SIX
Infinite Possibilities
THE FIRST EDITION of this book was subtitled “A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities.” Now that we’re older and a little bit wiser, even that sweeping statement seems a bit limiting: sluthood means infinite possibilities of all kinds, not just the sexual. If you think a “celibate slut” is a contradiction in terms, we have a few surprises in store for you: sluthood lives in the brain, not between the legs, and can fit comfortably and joyously into whatever consensual sexual and relationship pattern you choose.
Asexuality and Celibacy
Folks who say no thanks to sex are becoming an increasingly visible minority. Asexuality refers to people who simply don’t experience sexual attraction, and celibacy to those who feel attraction but prefer, for whatever reason, not to act on it. We think that any kind of sexual freedom must include the freedom to
not
have sex, without being pestered or pathologized.
Traditionally, celibacy has offered a way for people to focus on intellectual or spiritual concerns, without the distraction of fleshly lusts. If you’re on a religious quest, or working on your doctoral dissertation, or undergoing a major life change, celibacy—short-term or long-term—may offer a valid means of narrowing your focus for a while.
Similarly, people for whom sex or relationships have caused problems may choose a period of celibacy as a pathway toward self-examination: “What kind of person am I when I’m being me just for myself?” Dossie was celibate for this reason for five months after she left an abusive partner, after which she burst forth into feminism and conscious sluttery.
Some people are celibate, but not by choice: people who are incarcerated, ill or disabled, geographically isolated, socially unskilled, or underage may have trouble finding partners for consensual sex. Others are celibate simply because they do not, for whatever reason, feel like being sociable or sexual for a while, or perhaps for good.
We do not see “celibate slut” or “asexual slut” as in any way a contradiction in terms. There are infinite ways of relating to other people—romantically, intimately, domestically, and more—and if you’ve opened your life and heart to as many of those ways as possible, you’re one of us.
Platonic Relationships, aka Friendships
One friend of ours drives us nuts by moaning, “I don’t have a relationship … just all these
friends
!” We have news for him, and for you: friendship
is
a relationship, an important one that offers tremendous opportunities for the things we need most out of our
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