me. âI miss him even now.â
âDid your mother remarry?â
âNo. Mom never seemed to have much interest in men . . . or maybe she just didnât have time to date. Between her job and taking care of me, she stayed pretty busy.â
âSo you grew up as an only child?â
I nodded. âThatâs why I want to have more kids when Gideon and I can afford them. Iâve always wanted a big familyâthatâs probably why I love being around Gidâs family so much. Theyâre always together.â
Natasha glanced at her notes, then looked up at me. âWhatâs the one moment youâre dreading most in terms of being a gestational carrier? Itâs perfectly natural to have concerns and anxieties about the process, so you can be completely honest.â
I considered the question. âEveryone seems to think Iâll have trouble surrendering the baby, but I donât think thatâll be a problem. Maybe Iâm being unrealistic, but I honestly feel . . . detached.It wonât be my baby, so I wonât bond with him or her. I wonât allow myself to get all caught up in feelings I have no right to feel.â
Natasha nodded, her expression thoughtful. âIf you donât expect to feel maternal, how do you expect to feel? How do you envision your relationship with the child youâll be carrying?â
I smiled, confident of my answer. âI think Iâll see myself as a babysitter. As someone whoâs been placed in charge of a helpless little one, trusted to take care of it and help it grow. And once itâs grown and ready to meet the world, I think Iâll be relieved to hand it to its true parents. And proud of myself for completing a job to the best of my ability.â
A smile lifted the corner of Natashaâs thin mouth. âThatâs an extremely healthy attitude.â
âTo be honest, though, one thing does concern me . . . but maybe itâs no big deal.â
Natasha lifted a brow. âIâm listening.â
âWellââI twisted my handsââIâm a little worried that my husband wonât find me attractive if I get all fat with a strangerâs baby. I know pregnant females are supposed to look beautiful, but my husband comes from a family of gorgeous women and I donât know what heâll think if I have swollen ankles, a round face, and a big belly. When I was pregnant with Marilee he kept telling me I was beautiful, but he might not feel the same way when itâs someone elseâs babyââ
âThatâs why itâs important you face this situation together.â Natashaâs gaze softened. âAfter talking to both of you the other day, I got the impression that your husband is completely on board. I also picked up on the fact that the man adores you.â
A rush of blood heated my face. âI am a lucky woman.â
âAnd a very normal one.â
We both turned as someone knocked on the door. When Natasha called permission to enter, the blonde who worked at the reception desk came in with a large envelope. âDr. Dickson just messengered this over,â she said, after a quick glance at me. âI thought you might want to take a look.â
My stomach dropped at the mention of the psychologist. Heâd been a blank wall during my interview with himâI had no idea whether heâd describe me as an altruistic saint or a confirmed lunatic.
Natasha smiled her thanks and opened the envelope. I pretended to study my nails as she pulled out a typed letter. From where I sat I could see dense, square paragraphs on the page, but I couldnât read a word of what the doctor had written.
What if he hated me? What if he didnât like the answers I gave? He probably thought I was a monster because I said Iâd been a daddyâs girl, so my mom and I werenât really close. Iâd tried to follow up and
Lynn Raye Harris
Linda Scarpa
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K.D. Kinney
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Douglas Wayne
D.K. Holmberg
Melissa Pearl
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Helen Cadbury