hard I’m laughing on the inside right now.
Did you put Cole up to this? I asked.
No. I swear.
I pulled out and headed to the restaurant, trying to decide whether to shut this down. People were going to notice. They might not immediately recognize her, but they were going to notice her, simply because she was so hot.
I almost did it, until I looked over at Elsa in the passenger seat—I still couldn’t think of her as Selena like this. My phone buzzed again. I couldn’t look at it until we got to a red light.
You know you love this.
That was enough to kill my resolve.
When we got to the restaurant, it took me about ten minutes to find a parking space. On the walk back over, we kept passing groups of people who stared openly at Elsa. Alisa kept giggling.
At the restaurant, we had to wait about fifteen minutes for a table. As we stood around outside, I kept seeing men staring at her. I tried to decide what I was going to say if someone approached us asking who she was. She just stood with us, showing no signs of affection toward me.
“Dad, what do you think people think about her?” Alisa asked.
“Probably that she’s your sister.”
“Or your girlfriend.”
“I kind of doubt that.”
Alisa glanced over at her. I could tell Elsa had heard this exchange, because she smiled at us. Alisa went over and whispered something to her. An uncertain look shot over Elsa’s face, but she came over and took my hand.
“Um.” I said.
Alisa just grinned at me. “I want to see what people think.”
Elsa squeezed my hand. Then my phone buzzed. I waited until Alisa had looked away and checked it.
Let her have her fun. I’m glad she’s enjoying this.
“Okay.”
Now I was getting as many looks as Elsa was. Finally the hostess came out and led us to our table. Inside the restaurant, the looks and stares continued.
“Why is everyone looking at us?” Keith said after a few minutes.
“Because Selena looks like Elsa Berger,” Cole said. “She’s famous.”
But despite the attention, I began to relax. This wasn’t exactly a date like I’d briefly tried to go on before, but it was still fun to be seen with a pretty girl and my kids. The waitress kept glancing at Elsa uncertainly as she took our order.
“I can’t tell if people are recognizing you or not,” I said to her when the waitress left.
“I think the kids are confusing them.”
Fuck me , I was never going to get tired of hearing that voice. Then she smiled at me.
“Thank you for bringing me along, Paul.”
When I looked back at the rest of them, I could see Alisa had seen this exchange. But she didn’t say anything.
When they brought our water, Elsa discreetly took out one of her solution packets, the stuff she needed to create her synthetic saliva (and other bodily fluids), and began mixing it into her glass. No one else noticed except Cole.
“Can I try it?”
Elsa smiled. “Only if you wish to turn into a robot.”
Cole’s eyes swelled. “Seriously? Would it do that?”
I laughed, and Elsa joined me. Then she patted Cole’s shoulder.
“I am kidding. I do not think it would taste very good to you, but it is harmless.”
♦ ♦
We had a nice dinner, but as things wound down and I noticed a group of college kids across the restaurant looking over at us repeatedly while passing their phones around and arguing about something, I figured it was time to go.
When we got home, Alisa pulled me aside as Selena—back in her usual form—put Cole and Kevin to bed.
“Dad, do you remember when we talked about your dating? What we decided?”
“Yes.”
“Couldn’t Selena be your girlfriend? Whether she looks like Elsa Berger or something else? You guys could just go on dates and stuff. Would that work?”
I looked at her in a mild state of shock as I tried to digest all the layers of this shit sandwich she had just handed me.
On the one hand, I could see how this would appeal to the fourteen-year-old mind as an elegant solution. We
Did you put Cole up to this? I asked.
No. I swear.
I pulled out and headed to the restaurant, trying to decide whether to shut this down. People were going to notice. They might not immediately recognize her, but they were going to notice her, simply because she was so hot.
I almost did it, until I looked over at Elsa in the passenger seat—I still couldn’t think of her as Selena like this. My phone buzzed again. I couldn’t look at it until we got to a red light.
You know you love this.
That was enough to kill my resolve.
When we got to the restaurant, it took me about ten minutes to find a parking space. On the walk back over, we kept passing groups of people who stared openly at Elsa. Alisa kept giggling.
At the restaurant, we had to wait about fifteen minutes for a table. As we stood around outside, I kept seeing men staring at her. I tried to decide what I was going to say if someone approached us asking who she was. She just stood with us, showing no signs of affection toward me.
“Dad, what do you think people think about her?” Alisa asked.
“Probably that she’s your sister.”
“Or your girlfriend.”
“I kind of doubt that.”
Alisa glanced over at her. I could tell Elsa had heard this exchange, because she smiled at us. Alisa went over and whispered something to her. An uncertain look shot over Elsa’s face, but she came over and took my hand.
“Um.” I said.
Alisa just grinned at me. “I want to see what people think.”
Elsa squeezed my hand. Then my phone buzzed. I waited until Alisa had looked away and checked it.
Let her have her fun. I’m glad she’s enjoying this.
“Okay.”
Now I was getting as many looks as Elsa was. Finally the hostess came out and led us to our table. Inside the restaurant, the looks and stares continued.
“Why is everyone looking at us?” Keith said after a few minutes.
“Because Selena looks like Elsa Berger,” Cole said. “She’s famous.”
But despite the attention, I began to relax. This wasn’t exactly a date like I’d briefly tried to go on before, but it was still fun to be seen with a pretty girl and my kids. The waitress kept glancing at Elsa uncertainly as she took our order.
“I can’t tell if people are recognizing you or not,” I said to her when the waitress left.
“I think the kids are confusing them.”
Fuck me , I was never going to get tired of hearing that voice. Then she smiled at me.
“Thank you for bringing me along, Paul.”
When I looked back at the rest of them, I could see Alisa had seen this exchange. But she didn’t say anything.
When they brought our water, Elsa discreetly took out one of her solution packets, the stuff she needed to create her synthetic saliva (and other bodily fluids), and began mixing it into her glass. No one else noticed except Cole.
“Can I try it?”
Elsa smiled. “Only if you wish to turn into a robot.”
Cole’s eyes swelled. “Seriously? Would it do that?”
I laughed, and Elsa joined me. Then she patted Cole’s shoulder.
“I am kidding. I do not think it would taste very good to you, but it is harmless.”
♦ ♦
We had a nice dinner, but as things wound down and I noticed a group of college kids across the restaurant looking over at us repeatedly while passing their phones around and arguing about something, I figured it was time to go.
When we got home, Alisa pulled me aside as Selena—back in her usual form—put Cole and Kevin to bed.
“Dad, do you remember when we talked about your dating? What we decided?”
“Yes.”
“Couldn’t Selena be your girlfriend? Whether she looks like Elsa Berger or something else? You guys could just go on dates and stuff. Would that work?”
I looked at her in a mild state of shock as I tried to digest all the layers of this shit sandwich she had just handed me.
On the one hand, I could see how this would appeal to the fourteen-year-old mind as an elegant solution. We
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