Read Online The Deliverance of Dilan (The Syndicate #4) by Kathy Coopmans - Free Book Online

does not go unnoticed. He has to understand, even though I want him. No, I don’t. Yes, I do.
    He’s here, in the flesh. Oh god. I cover my face, ignoring every impulse I have not to run into his arms. I turn away from him. When I place my hands down, I’m enthralled at the sight in front of me. This is the first time I really get a look at this room. This isn’t an ordinary room. It’s a damn suite. I knew Alina’s family was paying for all of us to stay here, but I was under the assumption I would be staying in a normal room. Not a room with a small kitchen, a dining room table for two with a bottle of wine, fruit, and a card nestled in the basket. I continue to spin around, taking it all in. There’s a small living room with a fireplace. Good heavens. I’ve been preoccupied, it’s obvious. This looks more like a damn apartment than a hotel room, and because of him, I can’t even enjoy this place.
    “Can we talk? I’ll tell you everything and promise to answer all your questions, Anna. I had my reasons for staying away from you. But, sweet girl, you have to believe me when I say it was the hardest thing I had to do.” I hear the pleading desperation in his voice without even looking at him. I’m also losing that small ounce of control I’ve tried to gain back. His words slash right through my chest.
    I move to the couch, my legs rickety like I’m old. I’m shaking so bad, I can barely stand up. He’s by my side in an instant, guiding me down on the plush, deep brown couch across from the fireplace. Then he sits down beside me. I grab the blanket that’s folded neatly on the back, bringing it over my exposed legs. I’m not sure what to think right now. All I do know is, I’m all of a sudden extremely uncomfortable being halfway dressed in front of Dilan. I’m sure I look like hell too. My makeup is ruined from crying, and I’m sure my hair is a wild mess.
    I find enough courage to speak. “I’m listening,” I say curtly. I still don’t want to look at him. If I do, I will cave, crumble, because he’s so God-given handsome. He’s perfect in my eyes, and I hate feeling this way about a man who has hurt me.
    Those first words out of his mouth after he clears his throat would have brought me to my knees if I were still standing up. “The first thing I need to tell you is how guilty I feel for running out on you, leaving you behind all those months ago. I should have had the balls to say goodbye. I just couldn’t. One look from you, and I would have stayed. Will you look at me, please?” His request has me breaking down. I look at him. The truth is written all over his face. He’s exposing his feelings for me without verbalizing them.
    “Everything you said to me before…” his eyes close as if he’s struggling with that night too, “before I was shot and they took you away from me. It’s all true. I feel the same way about you. I have since the first time I saw you. Even when I was gone, Anna, I felt drawn to you. The things I said to you are unforgivable.” His words come out unsteadily. Begging for my forgiveness.
    “You hurt me,” I say on a whim. Not to strike back at him. I need him to know that what he said and his disappearance after what we all went through shattered me. I refuse to listen to any more until he knows that.
    “I know. I hurt myself too, Anna. There wasn’t a day that went by when I didn’t feel both of us hurting, in here.” He places his hand over his heart.
    Oh, dear god. I feel his hurt now. Right in the place where his hand is. But I’m scared he will do it again. I can’t let that happen. My guard goes back up. I become brave. The need to know why he left is itching away at me.
    “Then why? Why would you walk away from me? Leave me after what I told you. After what happened to all of us. I needed you, Dilan, and you weren’t there.” He leans back, resting his head against the back of the couch and pinching his eyes closed.
    “No, I wasn’t there.