Read Online The Deeper We Get by Jessica Gibson - Free Book Online
Authors: Jessica Gibson
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her.
“Baby.” I cradled her in my arms, wanting to erase all of her pain.
“Frank came to the hospital, and my dad was with the police at that point. He told me how sorry he was that he hadn't seen what was going on sooner. I’ve been with him ever since.”
“Did he know about Max?”
“God no, he just thought he was a dick. Do you think Max would still be alive if he knew how he really was?” She looked away from me.
“Stop. I get it . If anyone does, it’s me. You don’t have to feel ashamed by it. My shrink’s always told me that children of abusive parents tend to seek out dysfunctional relationships. I’ve had plenty of my own.”
“Thank you ,” she whispered.
“For what?”
“For not pitying me like most people do.” Her voice shook.
Pity was the last thing I felt for her. She was so strong, a fighter like me. Maybe that’s why she pulled at me so much. The more I found out, the deeper I slid.
The two days that followed my dad’s sudden reappearance into my life were tense. I expected him to be everywhere I was. But he stayed away. It wasn’t until the third day that he decided to come out of wherever he had been hiding.
I was just getting home from work, and Scarlet was with me. I tensed immediately when I saw him leaning against a beat up Buick.
“Go on upstairs. I’ll be up in a few.” I kissed her cheek and handed her my keys.
“Are you sure?” She looked at me uncertainly.
“Yeah, I’m okay.” I waited until she had gotten inside before I walked over to him. “What are you doing here Tom?”
“We have more to talk about. I was just giving you some time to get used to the idea.”
“What else do we have to talk about?” I wasn’t in the mood for this tonight.
“I need you to understand that it wasn’t really me who did all those things to you and your sisters —it was the drugs. They turned me into something I couldn’t control.”
“I’m sorry, but that sounds like a line to me. What exactly are you hoping to gain from all of this? Money? I don't have any. Everything I have is from the Kleins, but I suppose you know that already right?”
“I’m not here for money. I’m here for you. I lost so many years with you, years I should have had.”
“You have no one to blame but yourself for the lost years Tom. I’m not your son, you just happen to be the guy who knocked up the lady who gave birth to me.” I started to walk away, but he grabbed my shoulder.
“Get your hands off of me.” My voice was low and full of menace. He dropped his hand immediately.
“Don’t go, please. I have more to say ,” he pleaded.
“Say it then.” I crossed my arms, willing the rage to subside.
“I want you to forgive me. I need that more than anything. You have to know how sorry I am.” He scrubbed his hands over his eyes.
“How long have you been off the drugs?”
“Years. I’m totally straight now, I promise.”
“What was it that you were on before?” I needed to know for some reason.
“Meth.” He looked down at his feet. I didn’t care if he was embarrassed or not, I had a right to know this.
“Are you on parole?”
“Probation, it’s a little bit different.”
“Did you have to get permission to leave the state to come here?” I was trying to find out if I could get him sent away again.
“I got permission to be here.”
“For how long?”
“Long enough. Is that really what you want to ask me about?”
I shook my head. “Do you think about her?”
“All the time, how could I not? I can never undo what I did Chad, I know that. I just want to move forward with you. I want to show you I’m different now.”
“How is it that you plan to do that?”
“By being here. I’m not leaving . I want you to see how I’ve changed, I want you to know me.”
“You can hardly expect me to welcome you with open arms Tom. I don’t want to know you. I don’t care about your bullshit excuses or want to hear anything you have to say.
“Baby.” I cradled her in my arms, wanting to erase all of her pain.
“Frank came to the hospital, and my dad was with the police at that point. He told me how sorry he was that he hadn't seen what was going on sooner. I’ve been with him ever since.”
“Did he know about Max?”
“God no, he just thought he was a dick. Do you think Max would still be alive if he knew how he really was?” She looked away from me.
“Stop. I get it . If anyone does, it’s me. You don’t have to feel ashamed by it. My shrink’s always told me that children of abusive parents tend to seek out dysfunctional relationships. I’ve had plenty of my own.”
“Thank you ,” she whispered.
“For what?”
“For not pitying me like most people do.” Her voice shook.
Pity was the last thing I felt for her. She was so strong, a fighter like me. Maybe that’s why she pulled at me so much. The more I found out, the deeper I slid.
The two days that followed my dad’s sudden reappearance into my life were tense. I expected him to be everywhere I was. But he stayed away. It wasn’t until the third day that he decided to come out of wherever he had been hiding.
I was just getting home from work, and Scarlet was with me. I tensed immediately when I saw him leaning against a beat up Buick.
“Go on upstairs. I’ll be up in a few.” I kissed her cheek and handed her my keys.
“Are you sure?” She looked at me uncertainly.
“Yeah, I’m okay.” I waited until she had gotten inside before I walked over to him. “What are you doing here Tom?”
“We have more to talk about. I was just giving you some time to get used to the idea.”
“What else do we have to talk about?” I wasn’t in the mood for this tonight.
“I need you to understand that it wasn’t really me who did all those things to you and your sisters —it was the drugs. They turned me into something I couldn’t control.”
“I’m sorry, but that sounds like a line to me. What exactly are you hoping to gain from all of this? Money? I don't have any. Everything I have is from the Kleins, but I suppose you know that already right?”
“I’m not here for money. I’m here for you. I lost so many years with you, years I should have had.”
“You have no one to blame but yourself for the lost years Tom. I’m not your son, you just happen to be the guy who knocked up the lady who gave birth to me.” I started to walk away, but he grabbed my shoulder.
“Get your hands off of me.” My voice was low and full of menace. He dropped his hand immediately.
“Don’t go, please. I have more to say ,” he pleaded.
“Say it then.” I crossed my arms, willing the rage to subside.
“I want you to forgive me. I need that more than anything. You have to know how sorry I am.” He scrubbed his hands over his eyes.
“How long have you been off the drugs?”
“Years. I’m totally straight now, I promise.”
“What was it that you were on before?” I needed to know for some reason.
“Meth.” He looked down at his feet. I didn’t care if he was embarrassed or not, I had a right to know this.
“Are you on parole?”
“Probation, it’s a little bit different.”
“Did you have to get permission to leave the state to come here?” I was trying to find out if I could get him sent away again.
“I got permission to be here.”
“For how long?”
“Long enough. Is that really what you want to ask me about?”
I shook my head. “Do you think about her?”
“All the time, how could I not? I can never undo what I did Chad, I know that. I just want to move forward with you. I want to show you I’m different now.”
“How is it that you plan to do that?”
“By being here. I’m not leaving . I want you to see how I’ve changed, I want you to know me.”
“You can hardly expect me to welcome you with open arms Tom. I don’t want to know you. I don’t care about your bullshit excuses or want to hear anything you have to say.
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