Read Online The Dead Wife's Handbook by Hannah Beckerman - Free Book Online
Authors: Hannah Beckerman
Ads: Link
honestly, but my feelings haven’t changed. I’m just not ready for that yet.’
A wave of relief surfs over me. I’ve spent the past fortnight fearful he was going to reach a different conclusion. I should have known better. I should have known Max better.
‘Yes, I know what you said, but that doesn’t mean you’re right. Anyway, I figured that since you’re probably not going to do anything about it yourself, I’d better do something about it for you.’
‘God, what have you done, Harriet? Please don’t tell me you’ve fixed me up with one of your terrifying lawyer friends? If you have, you’ll just have to cancel it. I’m not going.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous, Max. I’m not that stupid – even I know that would be a date from hell for you. No, I’ve taken the smallest of baby steps. Not even you can object, really.’
I wouldn’t bank on it. I object, your honour, and I don’t even know what the crime is yet.
‘Enough with the suspense, Harriet. What’ve you done?’
I’m not sure whether I want to know or whether I’d prefer to remain in the kind of blissful ignorance that doesn’t involve overhearing my best friend discussing possible dating strategies for my widowed husband. It’s a bit like overhearing your parents talk about the intricacies of their sex life; it just simply shouldn’t ever happen.
‘Well, you probably won’t know this given that you and Rachel started dating practically before the internet was even invented, but there’s this really great introduction website where you don’t have to do a thing. Well, not yet anyway. I do it all for you. It’s a site where people recommend their friends – write their profile and tell the virtual world how wonderful they are, so that you’re spared the embarrassing bit I know you’d hate. All you have to do is wait for the hordes of women who’ll be drawn to my exceptionally eloquent and glowing portrayal of you to get in contact. And then you take your pick. It’s genius. What’s not to like?’
Harriet beams at Max with the sense of triumph I imagine crosses her face every time she wins a case. Except Max looks less than ecstatic.
‘Harriet, it may well be the world’s greatest website but I’m just not interested. If it’s that fantastic I’m sure it’ll still be up-and-running in a few years’ time when I might actually be ready to start considering all that stuff.’
‘I knew you’d say that. Which is why, in anticipation of that auspicious day, I went ahead and created a profile for you.’
You did what ?
‘You did what?’
‘Don’t be mad. It’s not like you can’t take it down if you really hate it. But I think it might just give you the proverbial kick up the butt you need.’
Max’s shock gives way to annoyance before morphing into an expression that’s as close to anger as Max ever gets.
‘Take it down, Harriet. Right now. You can’t go around doing stuff like that without even telling me.’
‘I’m telling you now, aren’t I? I didn’t tell you before because I knew you’d be weird about it. Just come and take a look. Aren’t you even a little bit intrigued to know what I wrote about you?’
‘No I’m not, Harriet. In case you can’t tell, I’m not exactly over the moon you’ve done it at all.’
‘Well, you might be a bit miffed now, but wait till I tell you how popular you are with the ladies. I only put it up on Friday night and when I checked this morning you already had four messages. Four messages, Max. That’s pretty damn good, especially for someone your age.’
Max breathes deeply as he puts a pan of water on the stove to boil.
‘Harriet, please just take it down. Right now. And we’ll pretend it didn’t happen. I know you think you’re trying to help but you’ve got to allow me to do things my own way, in my own time.’
‘Okay, okay, but at least let me read out what I wrote about you first. You must be just the tiniest bit curious.’
Before Max
A wave of relief surfs over me. I’ve spent the past fortnight fearful he was going to reach a different conclusion. I should have known better. I should have known Max better.
‘Yes, I know what you said, but that doesn’t mean you’re right. Anyway, I figured that since you’re probably not going to do anything about it yourself, I’d better do something about it for you.’
‘God, what have you done, Harriet? Please don’t tell me you’ve fixed me up with one of your terrifying lawyer friends? If you have, you’ll just have to cancel it. I’m not going.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous, Max. I’m not that stupid – even I know that would be a date from hell for you. No, I’ve taken the smallest of baby steps. Not even you can object, really.’
I wouldn’t bank on it. I object, your honour, and I don’t even know what the crime is yet.
‘Enough with the suspense, Harriet. What’ve you done?’
I’m not sure whether I want to know or whether I’d prefer to remain in the kind of blissful ignorance that doesn’t involve overhearing my best friend discussing possible dating strategies for my widowed husband. It’s a bit like overhearing your parents talk about the intricacies of their sex life; it just simply shouldn’t ever happen.
‘Well, you probably won’t know this given that you and Rachel started dating practically before the internet was even invented, but there’s this really great introduction website where you don’t have to do a thing. Well, not yet anyway. I do it all for you. It’s a site where people recommend their friends – write their profile and tell the virtual world how wonderful they are, so that you’re spared the embarrassing bit I know you’d hate. All you have to do is wait for the hordes of women who’ll be drawn to my exceptionally eloquent and glowing portrayal of you to get in contact. And then you take your pick. It’s genius. What’s not to like?’
Harriet beams at Max with the sense of triumph I imagine crosses her face every time she wins a case. Except Max looks less than ecstatic.
‘Harriet, it may well be the world’s greatest website but I’m just not interested. If it’s that fantastic I’m sure it’ll still be up-and-running in a few years’ time when I might actually be ready to start considering all that stuff.’
‘I knew you’d say that. Which is why, in anticipation of that auspicious day, I went ahead and created a profile for you.’
You did what ?
‘You did what?’
‘Don’t be mad. It’s not like you can’t take it down if you really hate it. But I think it might just give you the proverbial kick up the butt you need.’
Max’s shock gives way to annoyance before morphing into an expression that’s as close to anger as Max ever gets.
‘Take it down, Harriet. Right now. You can’t go around doing stuff like that without even telling me.’
‘I’m telling you now, aren’t I? I didn’t tell you before because I knew you’d be weird about it. Just come and take a look. Aren’t you even a little bit intrigued to know what I wrote about you?’
‘No I’m not, Harriet. In case you can’t tell, I’m not exactly over the moon you’ve done it at all.’
‘Well, you might be a bit miffed now, but wait till I tell you how popular you are with the ladies. I only put it up on Friday night and when I checked this morning you already had four messages. Four messages, Max. That’s pretty damn good, especially for someone your age.’
Max breathes deeply as he puts a pan of water on the stove to boil.
‘Harriet, please just take it down. Right now. And we’ll pretend it didn’t happen. I know you think you’re trying to help but you’ve got to allow me to do things my own way, in my own time.’
‘Okay, okay, but at least let me read out what I wrote about you first. You must be just the tiniest bit curious.’
Before Max
Similar Books
