Read Online The Day of the Donald by Andrew Shaffer - Free Book Online
Authors: Andrew Shaffer
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easy Pulitzer. Find a sob story, crap out ten thousand words, hello, Joe.
What he did care about, though, was the fact that Lester had—rather abruptly—overtaken Jimmie in Cat Diaz’s affections. Did it bother Jimmie that his girlfriend had left him for that old bag of bones? Of course. But he’d let go of his anger long ago. Cat had made a choice—a dumb choice, but it was her business. He’d moved on.
Jimmie paused at the water fountain at the entrance to the park. The bronzed sculpture of Bill Clinton not having sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky glimmered under the moonlight. A soft breeze blew through the park, kicking up leaves. Jimmie shuddered as a chill came over him.
He tried to tell himself the chill was just because he didn’t have on a heavy enough jacket. Fall was here, and the nights were getting longer and colder. The chill had nothing to do with the nagging suspicion that even if the kid was full of shit, some of what he’d said had resonated with Jimmie. That America, while strong at home, was assuming the reputation outside her borders of the crazy guy you cross the street to avoid. That the map he’d seen in the Boardroom was more than a simulation. That it wasn’t just winter that was coming—it was war.
Excerpt From the Trump/Dorset Sessions
June 1, 2018, 9:45 AM
Dorset: Your relationship with Russian president Vladimir Putin has raised some eyebrows.
Trump: It’s strictly platonic.
Dorset: Of course—I wasn’t implying otherwise. You are, however, aware that Putin’s record on human rights has earned him an F from Amnesty International. What do you think it says to the world when the American president is seen horseback riding with somebody like that?
Trump: You mean somebody who looks phenomenal without a shirt on? Somebody who’s in tremendous, tremendous shape?
Dorset: I mean somebody who’s been sanctioned by the United Nations multiple times. Somebody who was the target of a congressional resolution that condemned him as a threat to America’s national security.
Trump: Is he a little rough around the edges? Yeah. It takes big balls to hold onto power in a place like Russia. They’re a tough people. Very tough to govern.But he’s got cojones the size of grapefruits. Trust me—I know. I’ve been in the locker room with him.
Dorset: What did you think about Russia harboring NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden?
Trump: If I were in Putin’s boots, I would have rolled out the red carpet for him too. What a smart thing to do. Russia never stopped playing spy games. They never stopped fighting the Cold War—they just made us think it was over to trick us into submission. I knew what he was doing the whole time.
Dorset: Do you really think we’re still in the midst of the Cold War?
Trump: Are there hostilities between our countries still? In some quarters, undoubtedly. So what? I have some hostilities with all my exes. That doesn’t mean we can’t still show up at the same fundraiser. To meet the challenges of the twenty-first century, Vlad and I need to work together.
Dorset: What type of challenges?
Trump: Real bad guys, like the Chinese. ISIS. England.
Dorset: The United Kingdom is the United States’ oldest ally. In our recent military endeavors, they’vebeen the one country who we could count on to have our back. Are you suggesting there’s some tension between the two countries now?
Trump: You tell me. They tried to ban me from their stupid little country, you know.
Dorset: You’re referring to the Parliamentary “debate” over whether or not to allow you into the UK, which was triggered by an online petition. Those who signed the petition believed your remarks about Kardashians constituted hate speech.
Trump: They’re just jealous—not just of me, but of our great country. Their food is terrible. Their sports are terrible. Bridget Jones has absolutely nothing on American diaries. I mean, Gone Girl —such a superior diary. Way more intrigue.
What he did care about, though, was the fact that Lester had—rather abruptly—overtaken Jimmie in Cat Diaz’s affections. Did it bother Jimmie that his girlfriend had left him for that old bag of bones? Of course. But he’d let go of his anger long ago. Cat had made a choice—a dumb choice, but it was her business. He’d moved on.
Jimmie paused at the water fountain at the entrance to the park. The bronzed sculpture of Bill Clinton not having sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky glimmered under the moonlight. A soft breeze blew through the park, kicking up leaves. Jimmie shuddered as a chill came over him.
He tried to tell himself the chill was just because he didn’t have on a heavy enough jacket. Fall was here, and the nights were getting longer and colder. The chill had nothing to do with the nagging suspicion that even if the kid was full of shit, some of what he’d said had resonated with Jimmie. That America, while strong at home, was assuming the reputation outside her borders of the crazy guy you cross the street to avoid. That the map he’d seen in the Boardroom was more than a simulation. That it wasn’t just winter that was coming—it was war.
Excerpt From the Trump/Dorset Sessions
June 1, 2018, 9:45 AM
Dorset: Your relationship with Russian president Vladimir Putin has raised some eyebrows.
Trump: It’s strictly platonic.
Dorset: Of course—I wasn’t implying otherwise. You are, however, aware that Putin’s record on human rights has earned him an F from Amnesty International. What do you think it says to the world when the American president is seen horseback riding with somebody like that?
Trump: You mean somebody who looks phenomenal without a shirt on? Somebody who’s in tremendous, tremendous shape?
Dorset: I mean somebody who’s been sanctioned by the United Nations multiple times. Somebody who was the target of a congressional resolution that condemned him as a threat to America’s national security.
Trump: Is he a little rough around the edges? Yeah. It takes big balls to hold onto power in a place like Russia. They’re a tough people. Very tough to govern.But he’s got cojones the size of grapefruits. Trust me—I know. I’ve been in the locker room with him.
Dorset: What did you think about Russia harboring NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden?
Trump: If I were in Putin’s boots, I would have rolled out the red carpet for him too. What a smart thing to do. Russia never stopped playing spy games. They never stopped fighting the Cold War—they just made us think it was over to trick us into submission. I knew what he was doing the whole time.
Dorset: Do you really think we’re still in the midst of the Cold War?
Trump: Are there hostilities between our countries still? In some quarters, undoubtedly. So what? I have some hostilities with all my exes. That doesn’t mean we can’t still show up at the same fundraiser. To meet the challenges of the twenty-first century, Vlad and I need to work together.
Dorset: What type of challenges?
Trump: Real bad guys, like the Chinese. ISIS. England.
Dorset: The United Kingdom is the United States’ oldest ally. In our recent military endeavors, they’vebeen the one country who we could count on to have our back. Are you suggesting there’s some tension between the two countries now?
Trump: You tell me. They tried to ban me from their stupid little country, you know.
Dorset: You’re referring to the Parliamentary “debate” over whether or not to allow you into the UK, which was triggered by an online petition. Those who signed the petition believed your remarks about Kardashians constituted hate speech.
Trump: They’re just jealous—not just of me, but of our great country. Their food is terrible. Their sports are terrible. Bridget Jones has absolutely nothing on American diaries. I mean, Gone Girl —such a superior diary. Way more intrigue.
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