Read Online The Color of the Season by Julianne MacLean - Free Book Online
Authors: Julianne MacLean
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worrier?”
“No.”
“Have there ever been extended periods of time where you felt down? No energy? Trouble sleeping? Not just for a week or two, but for many weeks, perhaps months?”
I thought about all the nights I’d tossed and turned when I was thinking about Carla. “I’ve had some trouble sleeping lately, but I don’t think it qualifies.”
“Why not?”
“Because it was normal, everyday relationship stuff. Things were going downhill with my girlfriend. Then she dumped me.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Leah replied. “When did this happen?”
Suddenly I wished I’d kept my big mouth shut and had simply answered no to the question.
“The morning I was shot,” I told her. “Clearly it was one of those days I should have just stayed in bed.”
Leah’s eyebrows pulled together with concern. “How long were you seeing this woman?”
“About a year.”
“So it was serious, then.” She wrote something else down.
“I suppose you could say that,” I replied, “considering I’d just bought her an engagement ring.” I shrugged a shoulder. “But what are you gonna do, right? She fell for some other guy she thought was her one true love, so I had to withdraw from the race.”
Leah stared at me. “Interesting that you would use the word ‘race.’ Do you consider yourself a competitive person?”
“Definitely.”
“And how did you feel about coming in second with this woman?”
I shrugged again. “That’s life, right? All’s fair in love and war?”
She watched my expression a little too closely. I felt grossly exposed and soon found myself averting my gaze.
“Anything else you want to say about that?” Leah asked. “We could set up a time to talk about it some more if you like.”
I shook my head. “No.”
She wrote some more things down. Then she flipped the page, paused a moment and took a breath.
“All right then. We’ll leave it at that for now. What about hallucinations, Josh? Have you ever had any unusual experiences such as hearing voices that other people can’t hear? Or seeing things other people can’t see? Or do you have unusual ideas, such as feeling that you have special powers that no one else has?”
I hesitated a moment, and she watched me intently.
“It’s written in my chart, I suppose?” I asked. “That’s why you’re asking this question?” Great. Now I sounded paranoid.
She continued to stare at me. “What’s written in your chart?”
“What I told Dr. Crosby when I first woke up last night. That I might have had a…” I paused again.
“You might have had a what , Josh?”
I cleared my throat. “It’ll probably sound ridiculous, but I think I might have had a…” I lowered my voice even further. “A near-death experience during surgery.”
When she did nothing but blink at me, I quickly raised a hand. “Look, if it’s all the same to you, I don’t want that to go on my record at work. That’s the last thing I need because they don’t typically issue a weapon to a cop who’s delusional or being diagnosed with some sort of weird psychosis.”
Again, Leah simply watched me, and I sensed she was waiting for me to elaborate on what happened. Or what I thought happened.
When I didn’t offer anything more, she clicked the finial on the top of her ballpoint pen and slipped it into her breast pocket.
“Was it an out-of-body experience?” she asked.
I wet my lips. “I don’t know. Maybe I went to heaven for a minute, except that I don’t really believe in that stuff. I was hoping…maybe you’d know, being a psychiatrist and everything. Have you ever dealt with anyone who’s experienced something like this before? Is it common?”
Leah reclined back in her chair. “I wouldn’t say it’s common, but it’s not unheard of either. Personally I haven’t dealt with it as a clinician and I’ll be honest with you, Josh: Most members of the medical community are skeptical about near-death experiences. Based on the
“No.”
“Have there ever been extended periods of time where you felt down? No energy? Trouble sleeping? Not just for a week or two, but for many weeks, perhaps months?”
I thought about all the nights I’d tossed and turned when I was thinking about Carla. “I’ve had some trouble sleeping lately, but I don’t think it qualifies.”
“Why not?”
“Because it was normal, everyday relationship stuff. Things were going downhill with my girlfriend. Then she dumped me.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Leah replied. “When did this happen?”
Suddenly I wished I’d kept my big mouth shut and had simply answered no to the question.
“The morning I was shot,” I told her. “Clearly it was one of those days I should have just stayed in bed.”
Leah’s eyebrows pulled together with concern. “How long were you seeing this woman?”
“About a year.”
“So it was serious, then.” She wrote something else down.
“I suppose you could say that,” I replied, “considering I’d just bought her an engagement ring.” I shrugged a shoulder. “But what are you gonna do, right? She fell for some other guy she thought was her one true love, so I had to withdraw from the race.”
Leah stared at me. “Interesting that you would use the word ‘race.’ Do you consider yourself a competitive person?”
“Definitely.”
“And how did you feel about coming in second with this woman?”
I shrugged again. “That’s life, right? All’s fair in love and war?”
She watched my expression a little too closely. I felt grossly exposed and soon found myself averting my gaze.
“Anything else you want to say about that?” Leah asked. “We could set up a time to talk about it some more if you like.”
I shook my head. “No.”
She wrote some more things down. Then she flipped the page, paused a moment and took a breath.
“All right then. We’ll leave it at that for now. What about hallucinations, Josh? Have you ever had any unusual experiences such as hearing voices that other people can’t hear? Or seeing things other people can’t see? Or do you have unusual ideas, such as feeling that you have special powers that no one else has?”
I hesitated a moment, and she watched me intently.
“It’s written in my chart, I suppose?” I asked. “That’s why you’re asking this question?” Great. Now I sounded paranoid.
She continued to stare at me. “What’s written in your chart?”
“What I told Dr. Crosby when I first woke up last night. That I might have had a…” I paused again.
“You might have had a what , Josh?”
I cleared my throat. “It’ll probably sound ridiculous, but I think I might have had a…” I lowered my voice even further. “A near-death experience during surgery.”
When she did nothing but blink at me, I quickly raised a hand. “Look, if it’s all the same to you, I don’t want that to go on my record at work. That’s the last thing I need because they don’t typically issue a weapon to a cop who’s delusional or being diagnosed with some sort of weird psychosis.”
Again, Leah simply watched me, and I sensed she was waiting for me to elaborate on what happened. Or what I thought happened.
When I didn’t offer anything more, she clicked the finial on the top of her ballpoint pen and slipped it into her breast pocket.
“Was it an out-of-body experience?” she asked.
I wet my lips. “I don’t know. Maybe I went to heaven for a minute, except that I don’t really believe in that stuff. I was hoping…maybe you’d know, being a psychiatrist and everything. Have you ever dealt with anyone who’s experienced something like this before? Is it common?”
Leah reclined back in her chair. “I wouldn’t say it’s common, but it’s not unheard of either. Personally I haven’t dealt with it as a clinician and I’ll be honest with you, Josh: Most members of the medical community are skeptical about near-death experiences. Based on the
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