through them I couldn’t see anything but the glare from the headlights. I wanted to see what was happening, but I didn’t want to take the chance of sticking my head out and being seen, so I stayed where I was and listened.
I don’t know how long I waited, but after a while my fingers turned numb and started to ache. I squeezed them together and breathed into them. It helped a little, but I was beginning to worry. The dull pain behind my eyes was getting worse, and I still had a long way to go.
A moment later, I heard the bells again. This time I sat up and looked out through the slots at the parking lot. I saw someone cross through the snow then I heard a car door open and close. It wasn’t long before the car backed away and the headlights moved, leaving us in the dark.
When I was sure they were gone, I crawled out and watched the car turn the corner and disappear between the buildings. I pushed myself up and out of the snow then walked toward Syl.
Every muscle in my legs felt stiff and frozen, and it took all the strength I had to lift him again.
Once I had him over my shoulder, I kept going along the same path toward the cottonwood tree in the distance. By the time I was clear of the playground, the snow was almost to my knees and the pain behind my eyes had tightened and turned sharp.
I had to force myself to keep moving.
I knew if I hit a rock or stepped in a ditch and lost my footing, there would be no way I could get back up.
All I could do was focus on each step.
I tried to distract myself by thinking of all the things Sara and I could do with the money. The idea I’d never have to see snow again was comforting, and I imagined standing with Sara on a beach somewhere surrounded by palm trees and blue water. I could see us with the baby, but not a baby, a child, a tan and happy child, running along the sand, chasing seagulls through a warm ocean breeze.
I looked up.
The tree was closer.
I told myself that we could buy a boat and sail out onto the ocean where we’d fish and sit in the sun until our skin turned dark. Then, after sunset, we’d lie together and stare up at the stars spinning clean and white through the night sky.
But most of all, we’d never be cold.
There was a sudden flash of pain behind my eyes. It was clean and bright and it tore through my head like a bullet. I felt my knees buckle, and for one sick, detached second, I thought I was going to go down.
Somehow I managed to stay on my feet, and I stood for a moment, trying to ride it out. Eventually, the pain dulled and began to fade. When I thought it was safe, I started moving again.
I don’t know how long I walked, but the next time I looked up, the cottonwood tree was right in front of me.
I ducked under the branches and crossed between several small bushes growing around the base. There weren’t many, and most were small and thin, but I was glad to see them. They’d give some extra cover, and that was all we needed. Even if they kept him hidden for one extra day, we’d still be one extra day farther down the road.
I walked around the tree, looking for a good spot to put him down, then my foot hit something loose and it slipped under me. I stumbled but managed to catch myself before I fell. Once I was steady, I stepped back and saw the ravine just beyond the bushes.
It was perfect.
I walked to the edge then turned and let Syl drop off my shoulder to the ground. He hit hard, then rolled into the ravine and sunk facedown into the snow at the bottom.
A second later, I heard him moan.
I stood on the edge, unable to move.
I told myself that I’d imagined the sound, that it was only the wind, but I knew it wasn’t true. There was no wind, just slow falling snow.
I stayed there for a long time, under the tree, staring at him at the bottom of the ravine, and listening.
Then he coughed.
Now I was far away, watching from a distance.
I saw Syl try to turn himself over, but he couldn’t do it, and he moaned again.
The
I don’t know how long I waited, but after a while my fingers turned numb and started to ache. I squeezed them together and breathed into them. It helped a little, but I was beginning to worry. The dull pain behind my eyes was getting worse, and I still had a long way to go.
A moment later, I heard the bells again. This time I sat up and looked out through the slots at the parking lot. I saw someone cross through the snow then I heard a car door open and close. It wasn’t long before the car backed away and the headlights moved, leaving us in the dark.
When I was sure they were gone, I crawled out and watched the car turn the corner and disappear between the buildings. I pushed myself up and out of the snow then walked toward Syl.
Every muscle in my legs felt stiff and frozen, and it took all the strength I had to lift him again.
Once I had him over my shoulder, I kept going along the same path toward the cottonwood tree in the distance. By the time I was clear of the playground, the snow was almost to my knees and the pain behind my eyes had tightened and turned sharp.
I had to force myself to keep moving.
I knew if I hit a rock or stepped in a ditch and lost my footing, there would be no way I could get back up.
All I could do was focus on each step.
I tried to distract myself by thinking of all the things Sara and I could do with the money. The idea I’d never have to see snow again was comforting, and I imagined standing with Sara on a beach somewhere surrounded by palm trees and blue water. I could see us with the baby, but not a baby, a child, a tan and happy child, running along the sand, chasing seagulls through a warm ocean breeze.
I looked up.
The tree was closer.
I told myself that we could buy a boat and sail out onto the ocean where we’d fish and sit in the sun until our skin turned dark. Then, after sunset, we’d lie together and stare up at the stars spinning clean and white through the night sky.
But most of all, we’d never be cold.
There was a sudden flash of pain behind my eyes. It was clean and bright and it tore through my head like a bullet. I felt my knees buckle, and for one sick, detached second, I thought I was going to go down.
Somehow I managed to stay on my feet, and I stood for a moment, trying to ride it out. Eventually, the pain dulled and began to fade. When I thought it was safe, I started moving again.
I don’t know how long I walked, but the next time I looked up, the cottonwood tree was right in front of me.
I ducked under the branches and crossed between several small bushes growing around the base. There weren’t many, and most were small and thin, but I was glad to see them. They’d give some extra cover, and that was all we needed. Even if they kept him hidden for one extra day, we’d still be one extra day farther down the road.
I walked around the tree, looking for a good spot to put him down, then my foot hit something loose and it slipped under me. I stumbled but managed to catch myself before I fell. Once I was steady, I stepped back and saw the ravine just beyond the bushes.
It was perfect.
I walked to the edge then turned and let Syl drop off my shoulder to the ground. He hit hard, then rolled into the ravine and sunk facedown into the snow at the bottom.
A second later, I heard him moan.
I stood on the edge, unable to move.
I told myself that I’d imagined the sound, that it was only the wind, but I knew it wasn’t true. There was no wind, just slow falling snow.
I stayed there for a long time, under the tree, staring at him at the bottom of the ravine, and listening.
Then he coughed.
Now I was far away, watching from a distance.
I saw Syl try to turn himself over, but he couldn’t do it, and he moaned again.
The
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