don’t want to come off as some obsessed guy, but there aren’t any vacant desks beside her. I sit at an empty desk a few rows behind her and I try to concentrate on what Professor Dotterman is saying instead of what Violet’s doing, but it’s hard.
I thought about her a lot last night, even in my drunken stupor, which completely defeated the purpose of getting drunk. But she never did explain to me why she jumped out the window. I want to believe she wasn’t trying to end her life, but knowing what I know—knowing what happened with Amy—I can’t help but think about the deeper meanings behind her jump.
The longer I watch her, the more I analyze her. She’s extremely stubborn—that much I understand—even going as far as refusing to stretch her foot out comfortably in front of her. She’s sitting straight up in her chair, with her feet planted firmly below her. I think I might have met my match for the Stubbornest Person in the World award. It’s an award I’ve pretty much been winning since I was sixteen when I decided to stop trusting people and doing only what I wanted. I’d spent way too much time giving other people everything they needed and finally I turned sixteen and got my driver’s license. Suddenly, I had the freedom to go anywhere whenever I wanted and it didn’t matter who was with me. I had myself and that was all that mattered. No one controlled me or had power over me and I’ve been making sure things stayed that way ever since.
Violet kind of seems like that. I’ve never met anyone who was so determined to do things on their own. But it’s not like I’m about to ask her why. She gave me a dirty look just from me asking her last name and she’d probably try to kick my ass if I asked her anything personal. Although, the idea of her trying to kick my ass is sort of enthralling. It’s not my usual thing. I like things easy and uncomplicated, because my life was too complicated when I was younger. For some reason, though, challenging Violet is becoming appealing. Then again no one’s ever really tried to challenge me, too afraid to go up against the intense image I purposely send out.
I can tell Violet tries to look tough, but beneath the diamond stud in her nose, the red streaks in her hair, and the tattoos on the back of her neck, she’s fucking gorgeous—even though she’s wearing the same dress she had on last night, she has no makeup on, and her hair isn’t done. She also doesn’t have the muscle to do any damage, her long and slender legs and arms better suited to wrap herself around me, then hit or kick my ass.
I roll my tongue in my mouth at the idea of her legs and arms wrapped around me as I pin her underneath me and thrust deep inside her. It’s got me curious about trying it and I’m seriously debating taking a break from the slutty, lacking-in-substance women that I’ve been hooking up with since I was sixteen.
In the middle of my thoughts, Violet casually glances over her shoulder. It’s obvious she’s trying to discreetly look at me, but I’m already looking at her, so it doesn’t work. Her eyelids lower a little, like she’s going to scowl at me, but instead she gives me this cocky look like she knows I was looking at her first. I’m not sure how to react to this, because usually I’m the cocky one. Pissed off at myself, I decide to stop being obsessive since I barely know anything about her, other than she likes to jump out windows and hates getting helped.
I start penning notes, seeking some structure amid my mess of thoughts. I can handle chaos when I’m drunk, because I’m too drunk to notice, but right now I’m too sober to deal with a girl who literally came crashing into my life.
I remain focused on the lecture for the rest of class and when the professor lets the class go I seriously consider letting Violet fend for herself. But as I walk by her, I notice her staring at her ankle with her book tucked under her arm and her eyebrows furrowed.
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