Read Online The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism by Olivia Fox Cabane - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Olivia Fox Cabane
Ads: Link
constrains how much we can be aware of at any particular time. Of the millions of visual inputs our eyes take in every moment, we consciously perceive very few. The conscious awareness of absolutely everything around us would be overwhelming.
To deal with this, our brain filters for relevant information—either what it considers to be important or what we’ve consciously asked it to pay attention to. Through this process, our mind does not provide us with a complete, accurate representation of reality. Because it has to filter, it gives us an incomplete view, presenting only some elements and withholding all others.
Most of the time, the elements we’re missing don’t matter, and the picture we get is fairly close to reality. But sometimes our mind will present us with a seriously distorted view of reality. And the distortion often skews negative because the elements that our danger-focused brain deems important are usually the most negative ones. This tendency is called the
negativity bias,
and here’s how it can play out in practice:
Mary is a young graphic designer who for the first time is leading a project for one of her firm’s biggest clients. A few weeks after the project starts, she gets a call from Jim, her counterpart within the client. Jim tells her: “Listen, you know I’m your biggest fan. I’ve been raving about you and your brilliant work to everyone within earshot. But somehow, my boss doesn’t get it. I guess he just wasn’t impressed when you guys first met, and he hasn’t gotten a chance to change his mind.” Jim goes on to explain that he’d like Mary to be in charge of all of his company’s design work, and that he thinks her work is sogood, he’s sure his boss will be wowed when he sees it again. Therefore, he’d like her to present her work at the company’s next management meeting.
There are many positive elements Mary’s mind could focus on. Her client says he’s a big fan of hers, her work is “brilliant,” and he wants her to handle all of his company’s projects. Mary’s mind
could
spend the next few hours reveling in her client’s praises, but that’s not how most minds work. Despite the high positive-to-negative ratio, what does Mary’s mind focus on? The one negative element: the fact that Jim’s boss hadn’t been impressed with her when they first met. If Mary gets stuck focusing on the one negative in a very positive scenario, you can imagine how unfortunate this could be for her confidence level, and thus her charisma level, when pitching day comes around.
When your brain spins negative scenarios, remind yourself that you may not be getting an accurate perception of reality. Your brain might be following its negativity bias, playing up some elements more than others, or omitting some positives entirely.
Just like an optical illusion that tricks your eyes into seeing things that aren’t real, your mind can experience thought illusions that make you feel certain an inaccurate thought is true.
Cognitive scientist Steven Hayes suggests that we see negative thoughts as graffiti on a wall. If you’re walking down the street and you see graffiti, you may find it an ugly sight, but just because you see an ugly sight doesn’t mean you’re an ugly person.
Imagine strolling along the paths of your mind. Suddenly, you notice an unpleasant thought. See it as graffiti on the wall. That’s all it is, graffiti—not a verdict on what kind of person you are.
You can also see thoughts as flickers of electricity crackling on the surface of your mind. Thoughts, in fact, have no tangible substance: they’re just little electrical impulses sent from one part of your brain to another.
Understanding that my thoughts are not necessarily valid was a revelation for me. It took a lot of practice, but these days, neutralizing unhelpful negative thoughts often happens so fast that I take it for granted. It has become an automatic reflex that often kicks in as soon as I notice
To deal with this, our brain filters for relevant information—either what it considers to be important or what we’ve consciously asked it to pay attention to. Through this process, our mind does not provide us with a complete, accurate representation of reality. Because it has to filter, it gives us an incomplete view, presenting only some elements and withholding all others.
Most of the time, the elements we’re missing don’t matter, and the picture we get is fairly close to reality. But sometimes our mind will present us with a seriously distorted view of reality. And the distortion often skews negative because the elements that our danger-focused brain deems important are usually the most negative ones. This tendency is called the
negativity bias,
and here’s how it can play out in practice:
Mary is a young graphic designer who for the first time is leading a project for one of her firm’s biggest clients. A few weeks after the project starts, she gets a call from Jim, her counterpart within the client. Jim tells her: “Listen, you know I’m your biggest fan. I’ve been raving about you and your brilliant work to everyone within earshot. But somehow, my boss doesn’t get it. I guess he just wasn’t impressed when you guys first met, and he hasn’t gotten a chance to change his mind.” Jim goes on to explain that he’d like Mary to be in charge of all of his company’s design work, and that he thinks her work is sogood, he’s sure his boss will be wowed when he sees it again. Therefore, he’d like her to present her work at the company’s next management meeting.
There are many positive elements Mary’s mind could focus on. Her client says he’s a big fan of hers, her work is “brilliant,” and he wants her to handle all of his company’s projects. Mary’s mind
could
spend the next few hours reveling in her client’s praises, but that’s not how most minds work. Despite the high positive-to-negative ratio, what does Mary’s mind focus on? The one negative element: the fact that Jim’s boss hadn’t been impressed with her when they first met. If Mary gets stuck focusing on the one negative in a very positive scenario, you can imagine how unfortunate this could be for her confidence level, and thus her charisma level, when pitching day comes around.
When your brain spins negative scenarios, remind yourself that you may not be getting an accurate perception of reality. Your brain might be following its negativity bias, playing up some elements more than others, or omitting some positives entirely.
Just like an optical illusion that tricks your eyes into seeing things that aren’t real, your mind can experience thought illusions that make you feel certain an inaccurate thought is true.
Cognitive scientist Steven Hayes suggests that we see negative thoughts as graffiti on a wall. If you’re walking down the street and you see graffiti, you may find it an ugly sight, but just because you see an ugly sight doesn’t mean you’re an ugly person.
Imagine strolling along the paths of your mind. Suddenly, you notice an unpleasant thought. See it as graffiti on the wall. That’s all it is, graffiti—not a verdict on what kind of person you are.
You can also see thoughts as flickers of electricity crackling on the surface of your mind. Thoughts, in fact, have no tangible substance: they’re just little electrical impulses sent from one part of your brain to another.
Understanding that my thoughts are not necessarily valid was a revelation for me. It took a lot of practice, but these days, neutralizing unhelpful negative thoughts often happens so fast that I take it for granted. It has become an automatic reflex that often kicks in as soon as I notice
Similar Books
