Read Online The Case of the Bone-Stalking Monster by John R. Erickson - Free Book Online

I’ve g-g-ot c-c-cactus in m-m-my a-a-armpit.”
    â€œSon, buzzards ain’t got armpits ’cause we ain’t got arms.”
    â€œW-w-well, okay, th-then in m-my w-w-w-w-wingpit.”
    â€œSon, I told you and told you. If you don’t slow that thing down and stop driving like thirty-three drunk monkeys . . .”
    I didn’t hear the rest of the sermon, which was just fine. There’s very little a buzzard has to say that I need to hear. I turned my attention to Ralph, who was staring at me with glazed eyeballs.
    â€œWhere am I? How many fingers am I holding up? Who’s on first?”
    â€œTake it easy, pal. You had a serious accident but you’re going to be all right. Do you remember who you are?”
    â€œSure. I’m Chuckie Chipmunk and Miss Scamper’s in love with me. And your name’s Lulu. And I just bailed out of an airplane but my parachute didn’t open.”
    â€œUh . . . listen to me. Your name’s Dogpound Ralph. You fell out of the back of a pickup and landed on your head. You’re suffering from a med­ical condition called Milk of Amnesia. It will pass, so don’t panic.”
    â€œI’m Chuckie Chipmunk.”
    I heaved a sigh. “Fine. You’re Chuckie Chip­­munk.”
    â€œI’m a big chipmunk, aren’t I, Lulu?”
    â€œYes, you’re one of the biggest chipmunks in the world.”
    â€œYou reckon I could get a job in the circus?”
    â€œSure. There happens to be a circus right over there.” I pointed toward ranch headquarters. “Let’s hike over and see if they’re hiring . . . overgrown chipmunks.”
    This conversation was kind of crazy, but I had decided to play along with him until his head cleared.
    We started walking. I noticed that Ralph had a hitch in his get-along, but that was no surprise. He had taken a nasty fall.
    He broke the silence. “You reckon they’ll have elephants in the circus?”
    â€œOh sure. I’ll introduce you to one.”
    â€œOh good. When I was little, I wanted to be an elephant.”
    â€œNo kidding? What stopped you?”
    â€œWell, I was already a chipmunk, and once you’re a chipmunk, you can never be an elephant.”
    â€œOf course. I should have known. But tell me this, Ralph.”
    â€œChuckie. Chuckie Chipmunk.”
    â€œSorry. Tell me this, Chuckie. You mentioned Miss Scamper. Is she a chipmunk too?”
    â€œNope. She’s a beaver, only she was wearing a dog suit to disguise herself. Pretty smart, huh?”
    â€œOh yeah. You bet.”
    Was there a pattern here? If so, I couldn’t find it. It appeared to me that Ralph had lost his marbles. I just hoped he would find them again. One weird dog on the ranch was about all I could stand.
    I’m speaking of Drover, of course.
    We made it into headquarters and I led him over to the storage tank, next to which we had a pan of fresh water. I told him to drink. He did. When he was done, he ran his tongue over his lips to sop up the drips.
    He was quite a drippy drinker. I had picked up that clue right away.
    â€œWell, Chuckie, how are you feeling now?”
    He glanced around. “Who you talkin’ to? My name’s Ralph, Dogpound Ralph, and I’m supposed to be fishin’ with Jimmy Joe.”
    It appeared that the water had cleared his head. Did I dare try to explain the business about Chuckie Chipmunk? I decided to skip it. It was getting along toward sunset and I had things to do.
    I suggested that he stay the night at our place and strike out in the morning to find his master. We had plenty of room under the gas tanks and he could share my gunnysack. Or Drover’s. Yes, we had plenty of room and he could certainly share Drover’s gunnysack.
    â€œCome on, Ralph, I’ve got some very important business to take care of before dark, and you might as well tag along.”
    He followed me down the hill, past the old