throat. Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. This is insane. I made it up. I had to. It’s not what I thought it was. Maybe he just wants to help. Yeah, that’s it. He’s a nice enough guy! He heard The Bastard and made the offer because of that. He couldn’t really want me, doesn’t really want to date me.
By the time he got halfway down the hall, he’d worked himself into almost full panic. In the hours since he’d seen Jimmy the night before, he’d built a fantasy around them. Not sexual this time, no. He imagined them at prom together, at college together, and even after, still together. And now that he realized he was probably wrong, he wasn’t sure how he could take it when Jimmy clarified that he just wanted to help.
He was so lost in his internal panic that he didn’t realize he’d stopped until someone nearly knocked him aside. That’s when he saw Ronnie point at him. Jimmy turned, looking down his way. And smiled.
Simon couldn’t miss it, even from that far away. Wide, open, and beautiful.
Don’t read into it. Don’t read into—
He didn’t get a chance to finish his thought. Jimmy’s long legs ate up the distance, and what could only be seconds later, he was standing in front of Simon, smiling down at him. “I missed you this morning,” he said in greeting, and then his cheeks colored.
Simon struggled with his breathing, trying so hard to make sure it was real. Did he really just say he missed me? Maybe he hadn’t meant it and that’s why he blushed. He doesn’t really—he can’t—
“Hey, what’s wrong, baby?” Jimmy asked, reaching out and taking Simon’s hand.
Simon blinked, heart tripping hard at the feel of Jimmy’s hand, and he found himself calming just a little. “Baby?”
Jimmy blushed. “Sorry, just sort of… slipped out. If you don’t like it, if I—”
“No, I do. I…. You really… fuck,” he bit off, eyes sliding closed. He tightened his hand around Jimmy’s, trying to give some indication that he didn’t want Jimmy to let go. He fought to draw in a full breath, then finally looked up at his geek. He opened his mouth to talk but nothing came out.
“Hey, it’s okay. Come on, let’s go sit down.” Jimmy looked over at Ronnie and Sean. “Don’t you two have class?”
“Nah, skipping it. Wouldn’t miss this for anything.” Ronnie grinned and Jimmy narrowed his eyes. “I’ll be good! I promise!” Jimmy raised an eyebrow. “Well, mostly.” Sean poked Ronnie in the side, and Jimmy grinned when Ronnie winced.
“It’s okay,” Simon managed, dragging a smile out.
Jimmy squeezed Simon’s hand, then shook his head at Ronnie. “One word,” he warned and Ronnie grinned wider.
The four of them settled at Jimmy’s usual table. Simon took a seat and Jimmy sat on the side with his good ear, pulling his chair close. Then he pulled two paper bags out of his backpack and set one on the table in front of Simon. “Hope you’re not allergic to ham or Jewish or anything.”
Simon raised his eyebrows. “What? Allergic to Jewish?”
Jimmy laughed. “I mean, I hope you’re not Jewish. Mom packed ham sandwiches. I told her I didn’t know what you eat because, well, I couldn’t actually remember seeing you eat.”
“Oh.” Simon opened the bag and peered at a sandwich and can of Coke. “That’s… she didn’t have to… uh… tell her… thank you?”
He felt more than a little lost. He’d never had someone bring him lunch before. When his mom was still alive, she’d packed for him. Afterward he’d just skipped lunch, since The Bastard had forbidden him from packing one and refused to sign the papers for the free program. Once or twice he’d gotten comfortable enough with his friends to swipe something off their trays, or had something happen like Tony and his burgers, but that was it. He wasn’t sure if he was embarrassed, humiliated, or grateful.
Simon glanced up at Jimmy to see him focused on his own sandwich. Simon decided it was to keep
By the time he got halfway down the hall, he’d worked himself into almost full panic. In the hours since he’d seen Jimmy the night before, he’d built a fantasy around them. Not sexual this time, no. He imagined them at prom together, at college together, and even after, still together. And now that he realized he was probably wrong, he wasn’t sure how he could take it when Jimmy clarified that he just wanted to help.
He was so lost in his internal panic that he didn’t realize he’d stopped until someone nearly knocked him aside. That’s when he saw Ronnie point at him. Jimmy turned, looking down his way. And smiled.
Simon couldn’t miss it, even from that far away. Wide, open, and beautiful.
Don’t read into it. Don’t read into—
He didn’t get a chance to finish his thought. Jimmy’s long legs ate up the distance, and what could only be seconds later, he was standing in front of Simon, smiling down at him. “I missed you this morning,” he said in greeting, and then his cheeks colored.
Simon struggled with his breathing, trying so hard to make sure it was real. Did he really just say he missed me? Maybe he hadn’t meant it and that’s why he blushed. He doesn’t really—he can’t—
“Hey, what’s wrong, baby?” Jimmy asked, reaching out and taking Simon’s hand.
Simon blinked, heart tripping hard at the feel of Jimmy’s hand, and he found himself calming just a little. “Baby?”
Jimmy blushed. “Sorry, just sort of… slipped out. If you don’t like it, if I—”
“No, I do. I…. You really… fuck,” he bit off, eyes sliding closed. He tightened his hand around Jimmy’s, trying to give some indication that he didn’t want Jimmy to let go. He fought to draw in a full breath, then finally looked up at his geek. He opened his mouth to talk but nothing came out.
“Hey, it’s okay. Come on, let’s go sit down.” Jimmy looked over at Ronnie and Sean. “Don’t you two have class?”
“Nah, skipping it. Wouldn’t miss this for anything.” Ronnie grinned and Jimmy narrowed his eyes. “I’ll be good! I promise!” Jimmy raised an eyebrow. “Well, mostly.” Sean poked Ronnie in the side, and Jimmy grinned when Ronnie winced.
“It’s okay,” Simon managed, dragging a smile out.
Jimmy squeezed Simon’s hand, then shook his head at Ronnie. “One word,” he warned and Ronnie grinned wider.
The four of them settled at Jimmy’s usual table. Simon took a seat and Jimmy sat on the side with his good ear, pulling his chair close. Then he pulled two paper bags out of his backpack and set one on the table in front of Simon. “Hope you’re not allergic to ham or Jewish or anything.”
Simon raised his eyebrows. “What? Allergic to Jewish?”
Jimmy laughed. “I mean, I hope you’re not Jewish. Mom packed ham sandwiches. I told her I didn’t know what you eat because, well, I couldn’t actually remember seeing you eat.”
“Oh.” Simon opened the bag and peered at a sandwich and can of Coke. “That’s… she didn’t have to… uh… tell her… thank you?”
He felt more than a little lost. He’d never had someone bring him lunch before. When his mom was still alive, she’d packed for him. Afterward he’d just skipped lunch, since The Bastard had forbidden him from packing one and refused to sign the papers for the free program. Once or twice he’d gotten comfortable enough with his friends to swipe something off their trays, or had something happen like Tony and his burgers, but that was it. He wasn’t sure if he was embarrassed, humiliated, or grateful.
Simon glanced up at Jimmy to see him focused on his own sandwich. Simon decided it was to keep
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