Read Online The Bright Side by Alex Coleman - Free Book Online Page A

Jackie,” Melissa said, as if I was the one being unreasonable, “don’t be like that. You’re a good-looking woman. You always were and you still are. ”
    “Gee, thanks. What’s next? ‘There’s plenty more fish in the sea’? ”
    “That’s not what I mean. You have no reason to feel inferior, that’s what I’m getting at. Tell her, Colm. ”
    He moved his lips but seemed to have lost the power of speech .
    “Go on,” I said. “You might as well join in. ”
    “Maybe ‘inferiority complex’ is the wrong term,” he said tentatively. “But I can see how, maybe, in the past, you might have felt some, I don’t know … Look, I’m no expert – ”
    “Oh, spit it out, Colm! Jesus! ”
    He cleared his throat. “I can see how you, possibly, along the way, might have felt some … guilt. Maybe that’s what’s going on here. ”
    My limbs took off in four different directions. “ What ?” Ignoring me, Melissa patted Colm on the arm and said, “Yes, but the guilt is what’s causing the inferiority complex. The two go hand in hand. ”
    “What are you talking about?” I screeched .
    Colm’s head swayed from side to side. “Maybe ‘guilt’ is the wrong term – ”
    “Look,” I said. “Pick a term, any bloody term, and just tell me what the hell you’re getting at! ”
    “All right. When you met Gerry, from what Melissa tells me, he was considered quite the catch. He’s still a seriously good-looking man – I mean, you’re a good-looking woman, Melissa’s right. And I’m sure you were lovely back then, don’t get me wrong. ”
    My eyes narrowed. “Just say whatever it is that you’re going to say. ”
    “Well … you got pregnant very quickly after you started going out. ”
    “And? ”
    “Is it possible that maybe you felt … somehow … ”
    Melissa stepped in, her patience suddenly gone. “That you’d trapped him. ”
    I’d thought the inferiority theory had been bad enough. This was something else. “That I’d trapped him ?” I said. “I didn’t get pregnant on my own, you know! ”
    “Of course not!” she said, all energy now, as if we were finally getting somewhere. “We’re not saying that you did trap him, we’re saying that may have been the way you felt. Maybe that’s still the way you feel. Which is why you’re not particularly bothered that he’s screwing around. You don’t think you have the right to be. ”
    “I am bothered,” I said slowly. “I’m very fucking bothered. And you know what else? I’m tired. It’s been a long day. I’m going to get my case from the car and hit the sack. ”
    Melissa turned away .
    “Listen, Jackie …” Colm began .
    “No, it’s all right. Don’t worry about it. I’m knackered, honestly. ”
    “Let me get your stuff for – ”
    “Thanks, but I’d rather get it myself. I could do with the oxygen. ”
    I got up and walked away, horribly conscious of the sound of my footsteps on the wooden floor. It seemed to take me about half an hour to get out of the house. I didn’t take a single breath along the way. Outside, it was surprisingly warm for the time of day – alarmingly warm, if Al Gore was anything to go by. A couple of teenage girls were sitting on the wall next door to Melissa’s. As I passed, I heard one of them saying that she couldn’t wait for the party the following night. It was going to be both “wicked” and “banging”. Her friend responded with at least as much enthusiasm. Their hoots and giggles followed me across the street, mocking me and my age and my clothes and my hairstyle. When I reached the car, I walked straight past it. I had no plan to go anywhere in particular – I was just glad to be putting one foot in front of the other. A couple of minutes later, I found myself outside a shop on the main road. The decision to go inside and buy cigarettes didn’t seem to come from my own brain. It was if it had been taken elsewhere and then relayed to me; not so much a personal choice