face-pulling. “Maybe that’s just my way of coping,” I said .
“Maybe,” she allowed. “But Jackie … you haven’t even cried. ”
She meant that I hadn’t cried since arriving in her house. What she didn’t know and what I had just realised was that I hadn’t cried at all . I searched back through the day, looking for a tearful memory that I knew I wouldn’t find. Nope. Nothing. “It’s the shock,” I said weakly. “That’s what it is. Shock.” Melissa cocked her head quickly to the side, a gesture that seemed to say, That’s one possible explanation, sure, but it’s not the right one .
“Tell me how you feel about it,” she said. “The whole thing. ”
I gawped at her. “Tell you how I feel about it? What kind of a question is that? I just caught my husband – ”
“Yes, I know you did. But, apart from the jokes, all you’ve had to say about it is that your neighbour’s really good- looking and so is Gerry. ”
My eyes narrowed. “What are you getting at?” “Never mind. Forget it. Tell me – ”
“No, go on. You might as well. You’ve come this far. ”
She sighed. “All right then. All right. It sounds to me like you think he’s got, I don’t know … an excuse. For doing what he did. ”
I snorted. “That’s ridiculous. What do you mean, an excuse?” “You’ve always had an inferiority complex about him, Jackie. About Gerry. You can’t deny it. ”
“I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean. ”
“You don’t think you deserve him. You’ve never thought you deserved him, right from the start. Do you know how many times you’ve told me about catching other women looking at him? Over the years? When you said it this afternoon, did you really think that was the first time? ”
“Women do look at him,” I fumed. “All the time.” “You’re doing it again! Who cares how many women look at him? It wouldn’t make any difference if the whole country was sending him their underwear in the post! It still wouldn’t give him the right to take his pick from the neighbours, now would it? ”
I pushed my plate away from me, then pulled it back. “I don’t know what you want me to say. ”
“I’m just saying it’s not healthy, that’s all. It’s not healthy to think your husband’s bound to land on someone else sooner or later, that it’s inevitable. You know how you look, how you sound? Relieved . ”
My heart almost stopped. “Listen,” I said through my teeth, “I’ve never been in this position before. I don’t know how I’m supposed to behave, I don’t know what I should be doing to satisfy everybody’s expectations . But I’m plenty upset, believe me. ”
“Of course you are,” Colm said with a sideways look at his wife. “No one’s saying otherwise. ”
But Melissa didn’t give up so easily. “Colm, how many times have you heard Jackie going on about how other women give Gerry the eye? ”
“You’re like a dog with a bone!” I said. “Let it go, for God’s sake! ”
Melissa said, “Let him answer. ”
Colm looked deeply uncomfortable, like a child who’d been called upon to rat out his friend. “Well, Jackie … I have heard you saying that quite a few times. It’s – ”
“There you go,” Melissa interrupted. I glared at her. “There I go what? ”
“You know what. You’re not reacting properly –” “ Properly ! My God! ”
“– because you’ve got this inferiority complex. When it comes to Gerry. We’ve discussed it before, haven’t we, Colm? ”
It was probably my imagination but I thought I saw beads of sweat appearing on his forehead, just like that .
“I, eh … yes,” he said. “I suppose so. It has come up once or twice. ”
I shook my head. “And what? You were waiting for the right opportunity to come along so you could tell me what you think? Then it’s not all bad news today. At least you got to tell me where I’ve been going wrong my whole life. Brilliant. ”
“Come on,
“Maybe,” she allowed. “But Jackie … you haven’t even cried. ”
She meant that I hadn’t cried since arriving in her house. What she didn’t know and what I had just realised was that I hadn’t cried at all . I searched back through the day, looking for a tearful memory that I knew I wouldn’t find. Nope. Nothing. “It’s the shock,” I said weakly. “That’s what it is. Shock.” Melissa cocked her head quickly to the side, a gesture that seemed to say, That’s one possible explanation, sure, but it’s not the right one .
“Tell me how you feel about it,” she said. “The whole thing. ”
I gawped at her. “Tell you how I feel about it? What kind of a question is that? I just caught my husband – ”
“Yes, I know you did. But, apart from the jokes, all you’ve had to say about it is that your neighbour’s really good- looking and so is Gerry. ”
My eyes narrowed. “What are you getting at?” “Never mind. Forget it. Tell me – ”
“No, go on. You might as well. You’ve come this far. ”
She sighed. “All right then. All right. It sounds to me like you think he’s got, I don’t know … an excuse. For doing what he did. ”
I snorted. “That’s ridiculous. What do you mean, an excuse?” “You’ve always had an inferiority complex about him, Jackie. About Gerry. You can’t deny it. ”
“I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean. ”
“You don’t think you deserve him. You’ve never thought you deserved him, right from the start. Do you know how many times you’ve told me about catching other women looking at him? Over the years? When you said it this afternoon, did you really think that was the first time? ”
“Women do look at him,” I fumed. “All the time.” “You’re doing it again! Who cares how many women look at him? It wouldn’t make any difference if the whole country was sending him their underwear in the post! It still wouldn’t give him the right to take his pick from the neighbours, now would it? ”
I pushed my plate away from me, then pulled it back. “I don’t know what you want me to say. ”
“I’m just saying it’s not healthy, that’s all. It’s not healthy to think your husband’s bound to land on someone else sooner or later, that it’s inevitable. You know how you look, how you sound? Relieved . ”
My heart almost stopped. “Listen,” I said through my teeth, “I’ve never been in this position before. I don’t know how I’m supposed to behave, I don’t know what I should be doing to satisfy everybody’s expectations . But I’m plenty upset, believe me. ”
“Of course you are,” Colm said with a sideways look at his wife. “No one’s saying otherwise. ”
But Melissa didn’t give up so easily. “Colm, how many times have you heard Jackie going on about how other women give Gerry the eye? ”
“You’re like a dog with a bone!” I said. “Let it go, for God’s sake! ”
Melissa said, “Let him answer. ”
Colm looked deeply uncomfortable, like a child who’d been called upon to rat out his friend. “Well, Jackie … I have heard you saying that quite a few times. It’s – ”
“There you go,” Melissa interrupted. I glared at her. “There I go what? ”
“You know what. You’re not reacting properly –” “ Properly ! My God! ”
“– because you’ve got this inferiority complex. When it comes to Gerry. We’ve discussed it before, haven’t we, Colm? ”
It was probably my imagination but I thought I saw beads of sweat appearing on his forehead, just like that .
“I, eh … yes,” he said. “I suppose so. It has come up once or twice. ”
I shook my head. “And what? You were waiting for the right opportunity to come along so you could tell me what you think? Then it’s not all bad news today. At least you got to tell me where I’ve been going wrong my whole life. Brilliant. ”
“Come on,
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