Read Online The Boy Who Cried Freebird by Mitch Myers - Free Book Online

insulated basements wondered if they would survive the aural onslaught.
    Meanwhile at Ozzfest, the Who had just finished a thunderous set and Pete Townsend lost what was left of his hearing. Security was tight, but the “Paranoid” crowd was uncommonly aggressive, and fights were breaking out all over.
    Backstage, Ozzy was having troubles of his own. “I can’t do it,” he cried. “It’s too much. Won’t this ‘Paranoid’ business ever stop?”
    Ozzy’s wife, Sharon, looked at him sadly. Then she screamed, “Fuck you! Get the fuck out there and sing the fucking song! It’s five minutes to midnight for Christ’s sake! Every fucking television station and newspaper in the world is waiting for your fucking entrance!”
    Sure enough, the moment of truth was at hand. The rest of the band was already onstage, but Ozzy stood frozen in his dressing room, blubbering like a child.
    So, Sharon reached into her handbag and pulled out a large vial and a small handgun. “Here,” she shouted over the din. “Have some of this! It’s all you’ve wanted to do for months anyhow. And if you dare come off the stage before you’re finished, I’ll fucking kill you!”
    Ozzy Osbourne consumed the contents of the vial in an instant. Then, holding back the tears, he took a deep breath and marched toward his destiny.
    Â 
    You can imagine what happened next.

SOMETHING FREAKY THIS WAY COMES
    It was summer’s end when the carnival finally came through La-Crosse, Wisconsin. Billy Potter and Alex Noble were horsing around and eating cotton candy when they passed an oily-looking fellow with a black mustache standing between two tents.
    â€œStep right up, boys!” the carny barker shouted. “Come inside and see the freak show—just seventy-five cents for the experience of a lifetime!” The two friends looked at each other and emptied their pockets for loose change.
    â€œThat’s it, boys, come right this way,” the barker cried as he led them into the larger of the two tents.
    After their eyes adjusted to the darkness, Alex and Billy saw Thelma the Bearded Lady eating lunch (which was extremely unappetizing to say the least). Then there was Stretcho the Human Pretzel, Alfred the Hermaphrodite, a “geek” who bit the heads off of live chickens, a sickly pair of Siamese twins, and a surly-looking midget in his underwear, sucking on a cigar.
    Billy kept staring at the barely clad hermaphrodite, while Alex became distracted by strange music coming from the other tent. He was about to peek inside when he felt the carny barker’s clammy handgrip his shoulder. “Sorry, kid,” the barker said sternly. “No one under the age of eighteen admitted at any time. Absolutely no exceptions.”
    Alex pulled Billy away from staring at the hermaphrodite (“It winked at me!” Billy exclaimed), and the two boys soon devised a plan to sneak into the forbidden tent that evening. “We just got to see what’s in there,” Alex insisted.
    Late that night, after sneaking out of their respective bedroom windows and meeting on the outskirts of town, the young boys hid quietly in some tall grass, waiting for the carny folk to fall asleep. There was much shouting and shrieks of drunken laughter, but the grounds eventually fell silent and the pair slipped through the roped-off entrance to the forbidden exhibition.
    Once inside, Billy and Alex stood there in total darkness. All they could hear was the sound of their own breathing when suddenly the lights went on and the air was filled with a cacophony of peculiar sounds.
    The carnival barker was standing right in front of them. “You just couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you?” he shouted. “Well, feast your ears, it’s too late for the two of you anyhow!” Staring in wide-eyed wonder, Alex and Billy witnessed the most bizarre conglomeration