thought it might make things better, didn’t we, Fluffy Foo?’ The woman assumed a baby voice as she lovingly stroked the little black mongrel.
Simon blew his nose loudly, then leaned against his desk at the front. ‘Anyway, enough of Cali’s Fanny.’ A short burst of laughter went around the room. ‘Welcome, new recruits - we shall get to know you all in a minute.’ The three newbies smiled nervously. ‘But first to introduce our new Bow Wow Club volunteer, the radiant, red-headed, sassy Susie.’
‘Ruby, actually.’ Ruby’s correction from the back of the room was drowned by a round of applause. ‘I’m Ruby,’ she repeated far too loudly as the handclapping ended abruptly.
‘I’m sure he’s pissed,’ the Fireman whispered to Ellie, who giggled like a schoolgirl.
‘Ah! Sorry - may I repeat: But first to introduce the radiant, red-headed raunchy Ruby . Another round of applause please for a charitable good citizen to keep you Bow Wowers on track. And…’ Simon paused for effect ‘… of course to keep you ahead of those black and white widows and widowers who are not making your life easy.’
Everybody clapped again as Ruby reddened and then cringed as Simon continued: ‘Sadly, young Ruby lost her husband recently too, so she will understand from one side at least.’
A unified ‘Awww!’ went around the room.
‘OK, so first question to the group.’ Simon began pacing. ‘Any sexual problems over Christmas?’
The regulars didn’t flinch, the newbies shuffled and Ruby put her hand to her face in horror. What on earth had her dear old neighbour got her into here?
– Chapter Twenty-Seven –
Ruby was lying on her bed flicking through a magazine when her home phone rang.
She was quite content to be back in her old marital bed. In fact, she liked it a lot as the mattress in here was much more comfy than the cheap stained one that had originally been on George’s bed before she had moved in. She really must get around to changing it. Why did people do that? she thought. Whenever she had stayed at friends’ houses, the spare room bed was always so damn uncomfortable. As soon as she got money in from the invoice she had just submitted, she would make sure to go out and buy a new one.
Her dress-making trade was booming at the moment. Lots of Valentines brides had called her up, due to the domino effect of recommendations. She loved putting her creative flair to the test and adored using all sorts of glorious silks, chiffons and sequins that elevated wedding budgets allowed.
‘Rubes, it’s me,’ came Fi’s voice. ‘What you doing?’
‘I am lying on my bed with a pile of trash mags and a packet of custard creams, if that’s all right with you, Ms Donahue.’ She smiled as a vision of her unruly dark-haired, different-coloured-eyed mate came to the fore of her mind.
‘Jealous, been eating fecking dust since New Year’s Day. My dry January has been wetter than expected too. James says I’ve ballooned, and if I’m expecting a proposal this year I best do something about it.’
‘I’d tell him to bugger off if I were you. You looked fine to me New Year’s Eve. Anyway, not long until Valentine’s now, is it? Is he whisking you off somewhere lovely?’
‘Well, that’s the point, Rubes. He hasn’t said a thing and it’s only a week away. What if I need to take time off work?’
‘Well, he is a man and won’t think logistics, and it does fall on a Saturday this year, so maybe you’ll just stay in a fancy hotel for the night or something?’
‘We’ll see. I’m just gagging to get married, Rubes. I know it’s hard to believe, but I’ll be celebrating the big 4 0 this year.’
‘No!’ Ruby was flabbergasted. ‘I still can’t believe that - you know you so don’t look it.’
‘I may not look it but I am it, and my womb is like a suction pad for semen. James only has to hang his shirt at the end of the bed and I’m on him like a terrier.’
‘See, you’ll be
Simon blew his nose loudly, then leaned against his desk at the front. ‘Anyway, enough of Cali’s Fanny.’ A short burst of laughter went around the room. ‘Welcome, new recruits - we shall get to know you all in a minute.’ The three newbies smiled nervously. ‘But first to introduce our new Bow Wow Club volunteer, the radiant, red-headed, sassy Susie.’
‘Ruby, actually.’ Ruby’s correction from the back of the room was drowned by a round of applause. ‘I’m Ruby,’ she repeated far too loudly as the handclapping ended abruptly.
‘I’m sure he’s pissed,’ the Fireman whispered to Ellie, who giggled like a schoolgirl.
‘Ah! Sorry - may I repeat: But first to introduce the radiant, red-headed raunchy Ruby . Another round of applause please for a charitable good citizen to keep you Bow Wowers on track. And…’ Simon paused for effect ‘… of course to keep you ahead of those black and white widows and widowers who are not making your life easy.’
Everybody clapped again as Ruby reddened and then cringed as Simon continued: ‘Sadly, young Ruby lost her husband recently too, so she will understand from one side at least.’
A unified ‘Awww!’ went around the room.
‘OK, so first question to the group.’ Simon began pacing. ‘Any sexual problems over Christmas?’
The regulars didn’t flinch, the newbies shuffled and Ruby put her hand to her face in horror. What on earth had her dear old neighbour got her into here?
– Chapter Twenty-Seven –
Ruby was lying on her bed flicking through a magazine when her home phone rang.
She was quite content to be back in her old marital bed. In fact, she liked it a lot as the mattress in here was much more comfy than the cheap stained one that had originally been on George’s bed before she had moved in. She really must get around to changing it. Why did people do that? she thought. Whenever she had stayed at friends’ houses, the spare room bed was always so damn uncomfortable. As soon as she got money in from the invoice she had just submitted, she would make sure to go out and buy a new one.
Her dress-making trade was booming at the moment. Lots of Valentines brides had called her up, due to the domino effect of recommendations. She loved putting her creative flair to the test and adored using all sorts of glorious silks, chiffons and sequins that elevated wedding budgets allowed.
‘Rubes, it’s me,’ came Fi’s voice. ‘What you doing?’
‘I am lying on my bed with a pile of trash mags and a packet of custard creams, if that’s all right with you, Ms Donahue.’ She smiled as a vision of her unruly dark-haired, different-coloured-eyed mate came to the fore of her mind.
‘Jealous, been eating fecking dust since New Year’s Day. My dry January has been wetter than expected too. James says I’ve ballooned, and if I’m expecting a proposal this year I best do something about it.’
‘I’d tell him to bugger off if I were you. You looked fine to me New Year’s Eve. Anyway, not long until Valentine’s now, is it? Is he whisking you off somewhere lovely?’
‘Well, that’s the point, Rubes. He hasn’t said a thing and it’s only a week away. What if I need to take time off work?’
‘Well, he is a man and won’t think logistics, and it does fall on a Saturday this year, so maybe you’ll just stay in a fancy hotel for the night or something?’
‘We’ll see. I’m just gagging to get married, Rubes. I know it’s hard to believe, but I’ll be celebrating the big 4 0 this year.’
‘No!’ Ruby was flabbergasted. ‘I still can’t believe that - you know you so don’t look it.’
‘I may not look it but I am it, and my womb is like a suction pad for semen. James only has to hang his shirt at the end of the bed and I’m on him like a terrier.’
‘See, you’ll be
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