Read Online The Boundless Sublime by Lili Wilkinson - Free Book Online
Authors: Lili Wilkinson
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knowledge of everyday life told a different story.
I told Fox about my favourite childhood books. About trips to the library, and reading stories to Anton.
‘Don’t you think it’s weird?’ I asked him. ‘That your dad took your books away?’
Fox’s shoulders hunched in a shrug. ‘I think lots of things are weird,’ he said. ‘I think it’s weird that our bodies are born knowing how to breathe, and they don’t forget to keep our hearts beating. I think it’s weird that you come here every day instead of going to school. But not all weird things are bad.’
He seemed oddly defensive, so I didn’t press it. We watched the ducks.
‘What do you want?’ asked Fox, after we’d been silent for a long while.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Out of life.’
I closed my eyes and let the sun turn the inside of my eyelids golden. ‘I want … I want my family back. I want my mum to get better. I want Dad to come home.’
Fox stroked my hand with his thumb. ‘That’s what you want for other people,’ he said gently. ‘What do you want for you ?’
I opened my eyes and was surprised all over again to see how much colour there was in the world. The blue of the sky, reflected back in the pond. The green of the grass and the fresher green of the new growth on the trees. The pale pink blossom. The vibrant yellows and purples of the flowers. Had the world always contained so much colour? Had I just not noticed? Had I forgotten how to see it?
‘I want to feel whole again,’ I said. ‘I’ve lost so many pieces of myself. Anton. Dad. Mum. Sometimes I think I’m only flesh and bone, without anything real inside, you know? Justfragments, like the pieces of a broken china plate that don’t get swept up and thrown out with the others.’
Fox leaned sideways into my shoulder, and the warmth of him spread through me, even more than the warmth of the sun had.
‘What about you?’ I asked. ‘What do you want out of life?’ Fox didn’t reply for a long time. It was clear he was struggling with something, his brows drawn together and his jaw set. Finally he sighed, as if he was letting a heavy weight drop. ‘I know what I’m supposed to say,’ he said at last. ‘But I can’t lie to you, Ruby. What do I want? I want to never forget how beautiful the world is, and how lucky I am to be a part of it. I want to feel everything, see everything, experience every sensation that this world offers. I want to help people to see how extraordinary we all are.’
I wondered why that had been so difficult for him to say.
‘My friends want to meet you,’ I told him. ‘Do you think that would be okay?’
Fox’s expression cleared, and he grinned at me. ‘Really? I’d love to meet your friends. Can we go now?’
‘Are you sure?’
He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. ‘I want to know everything about you. And your friends are a piece of you. If we’re going to put your china plate back together, we have to find all the pieces.’
The Wasteland was an empty car park behind a long-abandoned pub. Minah liked it because she said it reminded her of the permanence of concrete in stark contrast to the entropy of humanity. Harrison had dubbed it the Wasteland after the TS Eliot poem, because it was full of disillusionment and despair. I decided not to share any of this with Fox.
‘So,’ I said to him as we made our way down the hill towards the dodgy end of town. ‘You might not like this place very much. Or these people.’
‘I like everyone,’ said Fox. ‘And everywhere.’
‘We might be challenging that today. This place is pretty ugly. It’s kind of the point.’
‘Ugly places often have beautiful secrets.’
It was true that if anyone could find any beauty in the Wasteland, it was Fox. The pub had never been a nice one – it was the kind that had pokie machines and a metal-barred, fenced-in verandah for smokers. I doubted it had ever been the kind of pub where interesting people met after work and
I told Fox about my favourite childhood books. About trips to the library, and reading stories to Anton.
‘Don’t you think it’s weird?’ I asked him. ‘That your dad took your books away?’
Fox’s shoulders hunched in a shrug. ‘I think lots of things are weird,’ he said. ‘I think it’s weird that our bodies are born knowing how to breathe, and they don’t forget to keep our hearts beating. I think it’s weird that you come here every day instead of going to school. But not all weird things are bad.’
He seemed oddly defensive, so I didn’t press it. We watched the ducks.
‘What do you want?’ asked Fox, after we’d been silent for a long while.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Out of life.’
I closed my eyes and let the sun turn the inside of my eyelids golden. ‘I want … I want my family back. I want my mum to get better. I want Dad to come home.’
Fox stroked my hand with his thumb. ‘That’s what you want for other people,’ he said gently. ‘What do you want for you ?’
I opened my eyes and was surprised all over again to see how much colour there was in the world. The blue of the sky, reflected back in the pond. The green of the grass and the fresher green of the new growth on the trees. The pale pink blossom. The vibrant yellows and purples of the flowers. Had the world always contained so much colour? Had I just not noticed? Had I forgotten how to see it?
‘I want to feel whole again,’ I said. ‘I’ve lost so many pieces of myself. Anton. Dad. Mum. Sometimes I think I’m only flesh and bone, without anything real inside, you know? Justfragments, like the pieces of a broken china plate that don’t get swept up and thrown out with the others.’
Fox leaned sideways into my shoulder, and the warmth of him spread through me, even more than the warmth of the sun had.
‘What about you?’ I asked. ‘What do you want out of life?’ Fox didn’t reply for a long time. It was clear he was struggling with something, his brows drawn together and his jaw set. Finally he sighed, as if he was letting a heavy weight drop. ‘I know what I’m supposed to say,’ he said at last. ‘But I can’t lie to you, Ruby. What do I want? I want to never forget how beautiful the world is, and how lucky I am to be a part of it. I want to feel everything, see everything, experience every sensation that this world offers. I want to help people to see how extraordinary we all are.’
I wondered why that had been so difficult for him to say.
‘My friends want to meet you,’ I told him. ‘Do you think that would be okay?’
Fox’s expression cleared, and he grinned at me. ‘Really? I’d love to meet your friends. Can we go now?’
‘Are you sure?’
He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. ‘I want to know everything about you. And your friends are a piece of you. If we’re going to put your china plate back together, we have to find all the pieces.’
The Wasteland was an empty car park behind a long-abandoned pub. Minah liked it because she said it reminded her of the permanence of concrete in stark contrast to the entropy of humanity. Harrison had dubbed it the Wasteland after the TS Eliot poem, because it was full of disillusionment and despair. I decided not to share any of this with Fox.
‘So,’ I said to him as we made our way down the hill towards the dodgy end of town. ‘You might not like this place very much. Or these people.’
‘I like everyone,’ said Fox. ‘And everywhere.’
‘We might be challenging that today. This place is pretty ugly. It’s kind of the point.’
‘Ugly places often have beautiful secrets.’
It was true that if anyone could find any beauty in the Wasteland, it was Fox. The pub had never been a nice one – it was the kind that had pokie machines and a metal-barred, fenced-in verandah for smokers. I doubted it had ever been the kind of pub where interesting people met after work and
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