Wasnât that the whole point of doing this?
âI got a BBEC case,â he told her. âIâll be working with Doug Chenâyâknow, the one with the strippers. It puts me in good shape for partner.â He realized it was unfair to tell herâto dump her and in the same breath mention how great his life was going. But it was important to him that she know, for some reason.
She turned to him, and smiled in a way that was not entirely convincing, but strived for sincerity. âIâm happy for you, Yonsi. Youâve worked really hard for that.â She moved the cigarette toward her mouth, then stopped. âThe thing is,â she said, âI get it. She does seem like the kind of girl a partner in a law firm would want to marry. And no, that is not entirely a compliment, but itâs a much nicer thing than youâve ever said about Evan. And yes, he is kind of my boyfriend, and I suppose thereâs even a chance heâll ask to marry me. Itâs just thatâ¦â She returned the cigarette to her mouth, expelled its smoke in a sigh. Her expression was tired nowâforlorn. âI thought things were going really good this time.â
âThey were, they were, itâsâ¦â
âHow come you never wanted to live with me?â
He was grappled with a powerful tenderness toward herâan urge to take her in his arms, tell her he hadnât meant any of it. And whether it was fueled by guilt or nostalgia or pain avoidance or genuine affection: It was still tenderness. âItâs not that, yâknow, I at any point rejected the idea of us living together.â
âYou sound so lawyerly these days,â she muttered.
Luckily, or so he would think later, at this moment his phone chimed with a reminder for his meeting. âIâm sorry, Zoey. I have to go.â
âYeah, yeah, yeah,â she said. âDonât think I donât have five hundred words to write about two closeted TV stars groping each other. Meanwhile you and Schlampe ride off into the sunset.â She flicked her cigarette in the general direction of his shoes. âIn the past when youâve done this to me, my phone rings at one in the morning, youâre a little slurry, and Schlampe or whoever it is isnât around, and youâre wondering if I maybe want to re-create that time at the W.â
âThat wonât happen this time.â She pursed her lips dubiously, as though sheâd heard it all beforeâwhich she probably had. In an effort to convince her of his seriousness, he added, âIt was really wrong what we were doing, Zoey.â
She studied his face very carefully for a moment. â Vai allâinferno e restaci , Yonsi , â she said.
âIâm assuming that wasnât very nice.â
âWhat do you care? Iâm just the girl you were cheating with, right?â She pulled her purse up onto her shoulder. âI look forward to not hearing from you.â And she walked away and into the building.
He watched her as she crossed the lobby, disappeared into an elevator. For another moment he stood in the heatâwishing heâd somehow been able to communicate that, while he did in fact intend to never see her again, he nevertheless cared about her very much. The longer he thought about this, though, the more frustrated it made himâand he finally concluded that any attempt to communicate such a plainly self-contradictory idea was doomed from the start. He wiped the sweat from his face once more, annoyed at the heat, at how the conversation had gone, and most of all annoyed that heâd run into her six months earlier on St. Markâs Place outside a theater where Evan was performing, which was the only reason theyâd started talking again and having sex again and any of this had ever happened againâand he mumbled a âdamn itâ in the direction of this unlucky happenstance. But then he
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